We've been together 9 months and actually met online. He still feels the need to browse gay chat sites and chat with other guys. He says "he's doing nothing wrong..." Am I being paranoid or too restrictive because I feel insecure with this? Do others have relationships where this goes on and it's ok and your still monogamous? Please help...
2006-07-02 02:02:30 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Well I suspect that your conversations on-line with him that led to your meeting were of an intimate and or sexual nature and that you assume that this is the same type of conversation that he is having with others. (I say this only because that is my experience in Gay chat rooms)
For many this is like porn or sex lines just cheaper. It is a psychological turn on where you can be anyone you want to be and meet the types of people that in real life you can not meet or interact with. It is fantasizing.
There are two ways this can be a problem. 1) if he acts on one of these conversations and hooks up. 2) If your paranoia is affecting the relationship.
Feeling are neither right or wrong just a reality for the person feeling them.
Your relationship is young. Provided he is not acting upon these chats you should allow him to continue. The more he does not act the greater you trust will be and the less paranoid you will be.
Conversely relationships are also built on respect. He should respect you enough not to chat when it is your time together only when it is personal time or if you are interested you two can sit at the computer and hold these chats as a couple there by you know what is being said.
I hope you realize that for any relationship to grow you each need time separate from each other to maintain you individual identities and not be smothered by the other person.
2006-07-02 10:19:47 · answer #1 · answered by mike g 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about feeling insecure as long as he's just chatting and not chatting them up.
He met you online and he has friends online, I'm sure, and he keeps in touch with them. Plus, now he can be an example of finding the right guy!
We all get worried from time to time... as long as he's not taking time away when the two of you should be together. If so, let him know you'd like a little more attention. I have a web developer friend who has to spend a lot of time online, but he knows how to turn the computer off when his boyfriend needs his time. They are very monogamous--so monogamous, it's almost sickening!
2006-07-02 02:27:31 · answer #2 · answered by blueowlboy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is that if someone wants to cheat they will. If they want to be faithful they will. It is impossible to prevent your partner from cheating if that's what he wants to do.
On the other hand, he is entitled to have friends and a life of his own. Your jealousy is not okay and a lot of time, if you keep accusing your partner of cheating, they will decide "well as long as I'm being blamed, I might as well do it."
But, I also know there is a difference between someone who has other friends, and who likes to look at other men (like porn) and those that are still cruising single's sites.
It might indicate he isn't as committed as you would like.
So, I don't think chatting is cheating, but if it looks like he's still looking, he probably is.
You will have to decide if you trust him or not. Look at the good in your relationship to see if you can let go of the mistrust, or if your insecurities are really an acknowledgement of the truth.
2006-07-02 02:51:24 · answer #3 · answered by Lori A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am straight but I believe that when it comes to relationships it doesn't matter what sexuality you are.
I would be upset if my man did that. It's not a terrible-terrible thing, just an annoying one. But if he starts taking more time to be on-line socializing and mingling with other guys and prefer this pass-time over spending time with you, I would think there's a problem.
Also, you need to find out if he likes to chat with other guys or if he is addicted to web-chatting ( as far as I know web is a very addicting thing if you need to fill a void you have in your life). Try to find out if there is anything he'd like not to think about or if anything bothers him and he uses web-chatting as a way to numb those things.
Good luck with life.
2006-07-02 05:33:28 · answer #4 · answered by 123321m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two things to consider here
1. Trust: Do you trust him? Is an old hurt and baggage from past relationships colouring your view of his actions?
2. Communication: Does he know how you really feel about this? If you talked it through, what sort of compromises would you consider acceptable?
Could you both sit down, together, and chat online with others? Or would you insist that he stop, to keep your relationship alive?
I hope you can work through your demons with this.
Best Wishes
2006-07-02 03:38:08 · answer #5 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've been together for 9 months and he still does this, I would be pretty pissed off by now. Maybe I'm too controlling, but if my b/f (of 16 years) did that even today, I'd throw a fit.
I would think your b/f is still searching for sex.
What other reason would there be?
He may not be doing anything wrong now, but he's setting himself up for it. Guaranteed.
I just wouldn't be able to trust him.
2006-07-02 03:10:11 · answer #6 · answered by Spencer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think when you are bisexual, there is nothing wrong with being with both a male and a female at the same time, as long as you do not allow the two relationships to interfere with each other and as long as you are totally honest about it. He isn't hiding this from you, which shows that he trusts you. Good luck!
2006-07-02 02:07:21 · answer #7 · answered by ladyghost19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm...well, there's nothing wrong with talking to other guys...sometimes there may be things he doesn't know how to talk to you about, and is maybe a little afraid....so he talks to other gay guys on-line that he never has to meet.....I say this being a gay guy myself....there are somethings that are just hard to talk about to straight guys or girls....all you can really do is hope he has enough respect for you to be honest.....after all, no matter who the person is there is always a 50% chance they will lie, but I found its best to give them the benefit of the doubt
2006-07-02 03:57:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ladyghost and black butterfly HELLO??? did you actually read the question and look at the asker?
sheesh anyhow i would not be impressed whatsoever if i caught my man on gaydar or something of that nature, HOWEVER i have been called a control freak many times!
2006-07-02 02:18:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm single right now, but I don't use those websites/ chatrooms to hook up or anything, I use them to talk to other guys and people I've met and really liked. If you trust him enough that he hasn't given you another GOOD reason not to than I think it's safe to say he's not cheating.
2006-07-02 08:24:19 · answer #10 · answered by laydlo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋