Do you believe abused women are "asking for it" by staying?

Question

I've read so many negative comments from people in regards to abused women, so it made me wonder, do people really believe the woman deserves what she gets because she stays? True there are options available but is it possible to be too scared to make that move? And does that necessarily make her a bad person?

Answer 1

An abused woman never "asks for it." No one asks to be abused and disrespeccted -- true love and acceptance is the goal of people in relationships. I think that abused women may accept the abuse -- not ask for it. The one's that stay just feel that this is the way life is. They may have been abused by their parents -- or neglected. When a person gets no attention negative attention -- even hitting seems perferable. I know there are options for abused women, but many of them see these options as futile. Ok, say you arrest your absuive husaband -- that's great until he gets out of jail later that evening, pissed off and tracks you down. You get a restraining order against him -- you don't think he could kill you before the police get there. A woman could run away, but many women in abusive relationships don't have financial resources of their own. There are shelters, however they don't see how they can make it withiout their husband's money. Then of course there's also the children. It's like in the days of slavery in this country -- most of the slaves who ran away were men, because the women had children. It's awefully hard to run when you have little legs following you. All the reasons I gave you why women stay have been practical, but what about love. It's hard to imagine loving the person who beats you sensless each day, but people do it everyday. Could you easily turn your back on someone you love? It's easier said than done. I'm not saying it's impossible for women (and men get abused too) to get out of their relationship; however it's not easy. It takes planning. It takes an emergency, readily packed bag with medication, important papers like social security, birth certificate etc. It helps to have resources like social workers and members of the medical community. I'm sorry I wrote so much, but I feel this subject is very important. Women who stay are not asking for it -- they just don't think they have the strength or resources to leave. But they do.

Answer 2

I don't think anyone believes the woman "deserves" the abuse, as much as she enables it. By that, I mean that if a person continues to put themselves in a dangerous situation, it isn't logical to believe eventually the danger will subside, & that person is enabling themselves to be hurt again. For instance, if you walk up to a hot stove, you know you'll get burned. How many times are you going to keep touching that damned stove before your brain says "hey, stupid, this hurts" & you learn to stop? Well, abusers are hot stoves, & the only way to keep from being burned is to get away.
It's always possible to be too scared to make a move. People are in this situation all the time. Everyone responds to fear differently. It's the same thing with people you hear about who have a murderer lined up in the sights of a gun, but can't pull the trigger, even though they know they will die if they don't.
Does this make a woman who stays with an abuser a bad person? No. Does it make her behavior illogical & frustrating? Yes. She isn't bad, but she deserves better, & those around her know this. People who care about her get angry with her because she can't see she is placing herself, & her children in some circumstances, at risk. Also, people who work for the police & the hospitals get frustrated, because they have to keep patching her up, only to send her back to the man who is going to beat her again, so she'll be back before too long, crying & blaming herself for him beating her.
Women like this direly need psychiatric help. Only then might they realize they actually are worth something, & they really haven't done anything which warrants their husbands beating them. Also, they especially need out of this situation if they have children, because this is how future abusers & abuse victims are formed. If they can't get the courage to leave for their own good, they must do so for their children's sake.

Answer 3

No woman deserves to get beat on, but I think that they stay because they are scared to find out what will happen if they leave! Most men who beat women usually tell them that if she leaves he will kill her, her kids, family etc... and they see him beating or her who he says he loves so why wouldn't he do it to them. Also, some guys are good at apologizing and make the woman feel like he really didn't mean it, so she will stay, but by the time she realizes that he wont stop its too late then she is stuck. There are also women who like negative attention, the only time he will pay attention is when he beats her so she will eventually see that as love...

I don't think it makes her a bad person, I just think she has no fortitude (strength), it takes a lot to leave the person you love, even if he/she is the wrong person for you....

Answer 4

If the man is abusing the woman obviously he doesn't love her anymore and he's looking for a way out, now I don't believe that this is a reason to keep abusing her, but I do believe if you're gonna stay in the kitchen with the heat and you can't stand it, prepare to get burned. I also think this abuse thing has gone too far because a lot of women out there can be very provocative even to the point of cheating, but you have to realize this can be the other way around, women do beat men too. All together though women wanted equal rights, they got them, they wanted to do men things (play footbal, join the Army) they got it, now if you are going to fight like a man I believe the man has every right to fight you back like a man, after all you have eqaul rights now, so quit bitching lol. Men are most of the time physical, but I've been with women that could emotionally abuse the hell out of you to the point where you have the gun to your head.

Answer 5

No ... abused women arent asking for it by staying. First of all, no woman is asking for abuse in any way, shape or form! Second, all abused women are too scared to leave the person(s) that are abusing them. Scared cuz they feel they might be killed if they do leave. Third, no that doesnt make her a bad person. IT makes the abuser(s) the bad person(s). If ur being abused or if ur the abuser, then u need to get help, ASAP!!

Answer 6

No one ever deserves to be beaten up. She stays because women belive that people can change. She stays because women belive that people want to do and be good to each other. That is what women are taught from the beginning. Sugar and spice and everything nice. Surely a man will live up to what we are all told real men should be: lovers, providers and defenders with abilities to think and reason.

If you are in this situation honey, GET THE F**K out NOW. Do whatever it takes. If, in the end it boils down to only one person walking away alive, make it understood, in NO uncertain terms, it WILL be you.

Answer 7

By all means, there are women who get abused through no fault of their own, didn't deserve it, and need to get out of the relationship, but are too confused/scared to do anything about it.

There are also those who continually push the right buttons to start a fight (usually with the aid of alcohol), and do it on a constant basis, just because they want him to get in big trouble, or because they like to feel sorry for themselves. Don't get me wrong, there is no reason for abuse in any relationship. From either side.

But there are those men, who, when the screaming starts, they just want to walk away, and their woman follows along, screaming and calling names, and abusing verbally, until he snaps and hurts her. I have no respect for those women, any more than I can respect an abusive man.

Answer 8

I don't think that they deserve what they get. But I do think they need to be stronger. I know, it's easier said than done. I was with someone that hit me once and I couldn't leave the moment he did it. I just let him apologize and tell me he would never do it again and then I waited for him to go to sleep and when he left for work the next day, I got all my stuff and booked it out of there! I haven't talked to him since. It was very easy for me and it would have even been a lot easier if I had a child at the time. That's what makes me mad. The mother needs to remove herself and her kids from situations like that. They have to leave the second he walks out the door to go to store, work, etc. There are plenty of shelters out there if they don't have anyone else, and plenty of police stations. The reason most of them are afraid of leaving is that they will be alone, how are they going to make it? What I don't understand is why would someone rather be killed by a man or have her kids killed than have to work really really hard to make it without him?

Answer 9

I don't believe an abused woman deserves it but they get stuck in a cycle. Often times they will cause the abuse just so they can have the make up period where the guy is being nice and loving them again.

Answer 10

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????!!!!!

I am a fairly intelligent person with a good heart. But, Unfortunately there are "con-artists" and manipulating partners who absolutely have to have control over another person. Period.

Because a woman ( or sometimes a man ) is in fear of losing her/his life (or parts of their body), OR her childrens', stays until she sees an open door- where there is a better chance to get out of it--with as little loss as possible.

Because she stays out of paralyzing fear--makes
her a bad person???

What are you reading???
I have hardly ever come across such bull crap and I sure am glad.
It's time someone stood up for the victim--and with help for her, she can be a "victor", and break the cycle!