Hi. My boyfriend's mum died at christmas. I took a lot of rubbish from him before as she was dying and he needed support.
Since christmas, I have supported him and taken a lot of rubbish from him as he has been grieving and dealing with his feelings. he has quit work and sometimes ignores me for days. He looked after his mum for most of his life and I appreciate that he has lost a big part of his life.
However, I really don't know what to do for the best. He quit work in March and now seems to be sinking into a deeper depression and there's nothing I can do. He's not sleeping so I asked him to see his doctor but he got angry with me. He's not a bad person and I do love him but how can I help him understand that he needs to move on. My Dad and Grandad died 4 years ago so I am sympathetic to the greiving process.
I want to help him and don't want to appear selfish, but at the same time, I need to look after myself as his moods really upset me.
Any ideas or advice? Please help me
2006-06-30 23:33:14 · 10 answers · asked by 123456 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
where did you get the idea that it is o.k. to take abuse in a relationship just because someone's family member died? (wouldn't that be the time to appreciate those in your life who love you even more?)
it is disfunctional to love someone more than you love yourself or more than they love themselves.
you are doing both. you are in a relationship with a person who does not function well in a relationship with you, also. see were this is going? do you like the direction? (only you can do anything about it!)
do not let your empathy be used against you. don't confuse "selfish" with "selflove".
you need to be in a better relationship with yourself & wait to be in one with another until later. if its not easy, that's a sign that you will grow from it. be loving & responsible to you & your heart.
2006-07-01 00:59:14 · answer #1 · answered by Silvaworks 3 · 10⤊ 2⤋
All you can do is be there for him, he doesn't have to talk about it with you to feel you are there for him and supporting him.
You need to give him more time to grieve it's not like he's lost a pet goldfish he has lost his mum, the woman who was always there for him, who loved him unconditionally.
Nothing compares to losing your mum.
He sounds depressed and really does need to see a doctor for help if he will not go then unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do although it would be a real help to him.
You need to keep an eye on him in case he sinks into even deeper depression, suicide isn't unheard of when people are that low. Grief counselling would help him to cope and teach him how to remember the good times and show him how to start to cope with his loss.
Just be there for him, even if it's just being in the same, silent room, your company is helping him even if it doesn't seem like it
2006-06-30 23:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by madamspud169 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not a bad person and I do love him
How many times have people said this? What you are in is an abusive relationship. See it for what it is and realize it won't change. Leave before it becomes physically abusive. He's sinking into a self created pit and will drag you into it with him. Don't make excuses for his behavior. Him Mum obviously had a strong control over him and that's the only type of relationship he knows. Don't feel guilty about your own feelings. Trust them. Self preservation isn't selfish, it's normal and essential.
2006-06-30 23:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by Dale P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally? I would find out his doctors name and call him up and speak to him about the depression. Dont let depression get a firm hold on him. It is terrible and he needs to get out of it. Get him out of the house as much as you can. He has to have a purpose to live now. He is hurt and he is lost. It takes a very long time to get over a bereavement and there is a free copunselling service in England. There is also a depression helpline on the phone. Im sorry I dont have it to hand right now as I am myself involved in clearing up paperwork for my brother who passed away only a little while ago.
2006-06-30 23:41:20 · answer #4 · answered by beyond paradise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Advise him he needs the counselling as he has to let his mum rest in peace.No matter what he does she wont come back.We have all lost loved ones before,but life goes on even with fond memories of them.
2006-06-30 23:40:26 · answer #5 · answered by Bob Mukonka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let him deal with his depression on his own, you should give him his space and he might get over the death of his mother. He needs time to think by himself, and deal with everything.
2006-06-30 23:43:47 · answer #6 · answered by K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about your situation. He does need help.
Maybe you can go to someone and talk about your feelings.
2006-06-30 23:40:01 · answer #7 · answered by Andrew W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Convince him to get professional help.
2006-06-30 23:36:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will defenetely helpful to u but u chat with me on my yahoo id for further clarification.
2006-06-30 23:39:24 · answer #9 · answered by sunilshah10 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
both of you need professional help!
2006-07-01 00:07:56 · answer #10 · answered by T-Dizzle 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋