How to get my Grandfather from being racist?

Question

My Grandfather is a cool guy except for his hatred towards Asians. He fought in Vietnam and Korean War and has some serious hostilities against Asians in genral because to him they are all "the same." I'm 26 and just found this out very recently. My fiance is Chinese-American and I want him to meet her but I don;t think it is a good idea. I don't know how to tell her yet either. I am very ashamed of him and feel so embarassed telling her this arcane way of thinking. What should I do?

Answer 1

Your grand father is a product of conditioning during last many years, much before your parents were born. How can he change his attitude in coming few days? But why do you require his consent to your marriage with an Asian-American? It is nice that you are concerned about him, but if he is irrationally stubborn on some point which can not be logically justified, how can you help it? Just go ahead what you think as right. He might as well change his mind due to extra love for you!

Answer 2

it's really good that you realize that he's got a problem. but also you don't realize that you are just talking nonsense to him, at his age there aren't almost any chances of even getting him to listen to you. you can teach a puppy new tricks but not an old dog. you can try to talk with a lot of patience to him about your Asian friends and let him know that not everybody is bad as he thinks. you just keep on thinking the way you think and try to understand that he has a good reason for thinking this war leaves not only physical scares but psychological scares. he must have had good friends amongst his fighting companions and i guess he ended up loosing some of them. that's was relay hard on him, you should comprehend that. but let him know that times have changed and that he can't keep blaming Asians for what happened there were two sides that fought in this war. and in war there never are one good side and one bad side. everybody that has ever fought in a war is guilty even if he has joined in out of noble reasons. some war veterans end up hating themselves, others the country they served, others the people they fought and others just hate the war. think about it if we would hate everyone that is against us we would hate every single person on the planet.

Answer 3

Discuss it openly with ur girlfriend.
Every culture has cultural issues.
I'm sure she'd be able 2 relate it with someone she knows who hates capitalists or communists or some other people.
Also prepare on the other end.
Tell ur Grandpa. See his reaction.
Let him mellow down.
Don't push.
Tell him u know abt his views & RESPECT them, (even if u don't)
Request him to simply meet ur GF by conciously seperating her frm an Asian generalized image.
Don't push, just GET HIM TO MEET HER & like her, NOT CONVERT HIM.
Plz get ur priorities correct, & understand that he's lived probably 80% of his life, & his ideas r now pretty concrete.
I know it can b embarassing.
My Grandpa was a linguist. & Considering India has 17 official languages & 1300 dialects, that's saying something.

Answer 4

very simple grasshopper, just involve gramps in the decision. take a trip out to see grandpa alone one day, two or three if you think you need to. get him alone and tell him you need some grandfatherly advise because you don't think your dad or mom would understand. (I'm a grandpa, we love that stuff). tell him all about your new friend, how she make you feel, how she makes you see life in a whole new way. tell him how she makes you better and how she make you love life. ask him for advice. just don't tell him that she is Asian, let that be a surprise. tell him that you and her talk about him all the time and she's dying to meet him. the more involved he feels in the relationship, the less likely he is to reject her, and I'm willing to bet he won't back down since he's the one that gave you the advice to begin with.

Answer 5

I ran into the same situation with my grandfather. I was quite embarrassed as well. You have to discuss it with both of them, and then introduce them. My initial introduction was during the holidays where there was lots of family around; it wasn't an outright sit down and get comfortable with grandpa deal. In the end it all turned out well...Grandpa and my Jamaican boyfriend got along well, Grandpa didn't make any racist comments, and the situation wasn't as uncomfortable as we had thought it would be. I think allowing my Grandfather to watch my boyfriend interact with the rest of the family, and see how much he loved me, helped Grandpa see that things are different now than they used to be.

Answer 6

I had a father the same way and he told me I could bring anyone home I wanted but if I ever brought someone home that was of asian decent he would kill me and her!!! You not going to change him but take her over ther and introduce her to him. Once he see`s how nice she is and if she`s good to you he won`t think twice about it!! My dads hate was mostly to the male`s anyway!!! That`s probaly his way of thinking to. Just try it and see how it goes. Tell him that shes asian and see what his reaction will be. If it`s not good then don`t bring her over to meet him. I mean if he`s gonna say something like (Me so horny me love you long time ) that`s not good!!

Answer 7

Show respect to both by being honest and telling them what you expect from them.

For instance, tell him that she is part aisian and also tell him you expect him to be nice and refrain from racist remarks. She did not fight in the war.

I would also be up front with her. Tell her the situation, she may have dealt with this kind of reaction in the past and may already know how to deal. If she knows he is racist, then she has fair warning to keep convesations with him to the bare minimum... You should also ask her to always be respectful towards him as well.

Answer 8

she should be understanding he was born in a different time and he saw things the rest of us didn't most grandfathers are in some way racist my family is against mexicans but my sister married a mexican and although everyone disliked it Rey dealt with it and everyone got over it. I'm sure if you explain to her she'll understand and I'm sure if this is the woman you love your grandfather will eventually come to terms with it. Best wishes

Answer 9

Since your grandpa is that a great guy, why to change him? Nobody is perfect!
Accept the others with their pros and cons!
When possible, try to influence them to improve! But:There is a saying: You can't teach an old dog a new trick!

So, accept your grandpa as He is and you try to always improve yourself and younger people!

With his way he is making a great guy! Isn't that enough?
All the best and congratulations!
You will find out that tit is easier to change the world than to change one of your family members!

Answer 10

I don't think he's going to change. He's had that war experience, and when you get older, you're usually "stuck in your ways". Don't know if he will make an exception for your girlfriend.