neither have a good or bad relashionship with my grandmother but I resent her for many rezoneHow to Forgive?

Question

Before she ever died ...I will like to make peace with my grandmother but I dont know how too.I still can not accept the way or the not good ways she race my father and his 2 other brothers.Me when I was a kid ,my mom wile still married to my dad and my brother. She has hurt each of us in different and uniques ways...emotionally talking.How can I forgive her,forget about the past without remembering about it almost everytime I see her face.She is very hard to please and understand.How can I express my feeling without been afraid of getting hurt again by her...or how can I do it in a polite way ...how to tell her the truth...and how can I ask her for the truth behind the story of my father and his older brother..?

Answer 1

You need person-to-person counselling, not YAHOO ANSWERS. You are assuming, you should forget and forgive your family member to make you feel better. Yet, you said this person has hurt you in many ways emotionally. Has she come to terms with what she did? Is she remorseful? Are you ok with what she did to you? Are you ok if she apologized? Or are you trying to turn what she did into YOUR fault so that you can forgive her?

Think about this before you do anything.

I'm not trying to tell you you should not forgive your grand mother. But family member always having best intention and have to be kept together no matter what - is not a realistic in many circumstances.

Answer 2

We each have to recognize that we can only change how we, as individuals, react to the behavior of others. That being said, I would suggest looking inward when you are around her. Ask yourself, "What emotions am I feeling?" Write them down. Think about how those emotions dictate your own behaviors. Do they cause you anger or sadness or frustration? Write down those feelings. Then write down what you would like to say to your grandmother. Put the papers aside for a day. Try not to think about her at all. Then, the following day, read what you wrote. Ask yourself if it is worth upsetting yourself, perhaps to the point of making yourself physically ill. Then I would shred the papers and start again. Write down at least 6 words of a kind and good nature that describe the person you are. Keep these with you all day. Think about how that kind and good person would talk to her grandmother, not in a way that would provoke anger, but rather in a way that is kind and yet draws boundaries. Write this all down. Let her know she hurt you, but do it in a positive way. Let her know you are trying to forgive her for the hurts you have suffered. She may not respond in a positive fashion. But that is okay. You can draw a boundary by letting her know that while you understand she is not accepting of your words at the moment, perhaps you might come back later and have a talk. It's okay to leave the situation for the moment. Remember-you cannot change her. You can only change the way you react to her. Once she sees you no longer allow her to hurt you perhaps she will start looking inside of herself. Pray for her and love her, but be willing to close the door if she is reacting in a destructive fashion.

Answer 3

Forgiveness is one of the hardest lessons in life that I have come across. It is still a work in progress for me, and I think it always will be. The key is that it takes time. Do not force it, because then you won't mean it and that isn't good. Just come to accept that you can't change what is in the past and there is absolutely nothing that no one can do about it now. I think about that, and that helps me move on. I like to look to the future rather than dwell on the past. Hope that helps.

Answer 4

Just take a deep breath and let go of all the transgressions. Don't ask a question if the answerer is something you really do not want to know. Forgive now, you will feel better in the long-run.

Answer 5

Put yourself in her shoes. People are usually the way they are for a reason. For example, people may be hurtful to others because they were hurt themselves, don't know how else to be, or are afraid of something. Perhaps the way to move forwards is not to forget the past but to understand where it is coming from. Even if you express yourself, she may not understand you. However, it might help you to find peace in yourself that you've told her your mind.

Answer 6

I'm not even going to read all of your excuses you gave for not getting along with grams i mean it's grandma man who can hold a grudge against an old lady she's been here way before your time and deserves respect to the utmost you would have to be real immature not to be able to forgive , or understand your granny.LOL!!

Answer 7

You need to first of all know that by holding ill feelings towards others, we only hurt ourselves. Hatred is a killer attitude.

To forgive is not easy until we begin to develop the Christ-like attitude. Because forgiveness is a virtue that comes from God Himself. Jesus demonstrated that and taught us how to forgive. If you have experienced God' forgiveness yourself, then it will become one step easier. You need the empowering of the Spirit of God to forgive others. If you haven't experienced God's forgiveness, why don't you first ask Him now. Trust Jesus to give you the power to forgive your grandma or whoever has hurt you.

Once you can forgive her, then you will have the courage and wisdom to gently ask her all that you want to know. May the Lord help you!

Answer 8

If you can, get to know her a bit more. I wish you heaps of luck. It may be that you will have to give her unconditional love, in order to forgive her. I admire you for wanting to make peace with her. Be brave and humble. If it works she may confide in you but if not just respect that. You are the one with the good heart, don't forget that.

Answer 9

I had a similar situation.You can never really forget the past but you can look towards the present and future if that makes sense.You just have to rise above it and be different than that or you yourself may end up bitter.The cycles tend to happen like that.The best way to tell her in my opinion is just to be straight forward about it.
tell her in a calm but straight way.Hope that helped you some.

Answer 10

It is easy to forgive anyone but it is difficult to forget it. When my old mum is angry she likes to speak bad words . I hates it and of course hate her at the moment but then I forgive her but I can't forget what she said. And my son didn't understand what my mom said and follow her words . It makes me rather embarrassing .