Is it common for preemie moms to withdraw from baby?

Question

My daughter gave birth to a boy at 33.5 weeks gestation he was in nicu for about 2 weeks and came home with an apnea monitor . She has been doing breast milk but feeding with a bottle because she is afraid he isn't getting enough when on the breast here is the problem though over the last 3 or 4 days she seems to be withdrawing from the baby she is not pumping like she was and now the baby is taking formula about half of the time. She gets upset because he has to have the formula but will not pump regularly and her milk supply is down. She just seems to emotionally be distancing herself from the baby and if I try to talk to her about it she gets angry does anyone have any suggestions I have toalked to the doctor and they are leaving me hanging

I do cook and clean and do her laundry and gracery shopping so she can be with the baby. If she chooses not to breast feed it is very fine but she is a nervous wreck most of the time because her milk output is so low

Answer 1

Yes it is very easy to get your hopes and all down when you give birth that early and the baby has to stay in the nicu. I delivered at 34 weeks and mine spent 2 weeks in the nicu. I myself felt like a failure becuase i delivered early. And the baby being on an apnea monitor makes you feel worse because of you having a different baby then everyone else. Mine was on an apnea monitor till 4 months of age i got used to the fact of it after a couple weeks and felt the best because my baby was doing so great and i knew he wouldnt stop breathing and me not knowing about it. Preemies are also harder to care for then a full term baby that could be a little bit of her problem or she could have post partum depression. I would say offer to babysit for her and let her get away from the baby for a couple hours that could help her. It does get better. Good luck to her

Answer 2

I was stressed when I became a first time mommy.
Sit and talk to her, see if there is anything you can do to help her threw this.
Maybe take her in to see her doctor, depression is a good reason to be worried, some baby's don't get what they need when their Mommy's don't get what they need.
If you think your body is used to having this baby living inside you for close to a year and then they are out, and your body has to get used to not having it inside you, it takes time to adjust to all new things....
Baby's are fine if they are only on formula, your daughter may have decided that she doesn't want to breast feed and that should be okay too. She needs to do what is in the best interest of her and her baby..
She also may need some time to herself, everything maybe a little overwhelming. Remember she is a mommy now, Her mommy needs to be a friend not try to take charge of everything in her life including the new baby.
good luck.
I am not sure about the age of your daughter and that may be a big part of the whole situation.
Mothers can be just as close with their baby's even when the baby is on formula, it isn't considered withdrawing...Every woman is different.

Answer 3

First time mothers are always worried about the child getting enough when they breast feed. Even if she is pumping, she should be using the pumped milk as a supplement for her own assurance, but she should be at least doing half of the feedings body to body for the bonding.

Watch your daughter for post-partem blues. As you know, there is a major change of hormones that occurred at the birth of the baby, that can cause emotional reactions. Also, the lack of good sleep during the first month or two can elicit distraction from the new mother.

Try to get her to consider actually nursing every other feeding. Explain to her that it will help her regain her pre-pregnancy body. It also triggers certain chemical reactions that are calming for the mother as well.

Answer 4

my son was a preemie, he was born at 29 weeks. He spent 3 months in NICU. I was so emotionally drained that breast-pumping was impossible. The more I worried about him, the less milk i produced. The NICU staff tube-fed my son Enfamil 22 and it fattened him right up. Please be kind and understanding to your daughter, being a preemie parent is tough. If she doesnt wanna talk, there is no point in forcing a conversation, my mom tried it with me and i resented her input. I felt that everything surrounding my son was my fault, the low birth weight, his breathing problems, not eating, not keeping body temp, etc. My advice is to do what my mother in law did for me: Let her stay in her bed ALL day long and have everyone else in the house help with the baby. It will give her rest and maybe let her relax enough to produce more milk---it worked for me

Answer 5

I disagree with "Professional Mother"
I had a son at 27 weeks and he was transported 3 hrs from where we live. He's my first. The day he was born I drove to the hospital, not knowing where I was going to stay. I had no money and had just moved back with my parents. We don't know why he came early, but the doctors say it was stress or a car accident I had a month and a half prior to his birth. I couldn't touch him for days or hold him for weeks. He had an open PDA, pneumatosis of large intestine, NEC, 4 blood transfusions, 1 blood infection, CMV and hernia. I am 22 yrs old and have stomach ulcers from him being in NICU for close to 9 weeks. My milk dried up after 3 weeks from stress and I was so hard on myself for it. I was so worried we wouldn't bond, but every day he recognizes me more. She may just have post partum and darlin, if that doctor won't listen to you, switch because she is going through so much right now even with your help.

Answer 6

My son was born at 33 weeks and spent his life (almost 2 months) in the NICU. I was there every day, for hours at a time (they usually had to kick me out for shift change or to sleep). Our son was at a larger hospital with a good sized NICU, and there were a lot of babies there that did not receive many visits from their parents. I do not know the circumstances surrounding that, it was only my observation. Whether it is common for moms to withdraw or not, I don't know. I do know that it is quite tiring, being in the NICU all of the time, and very stressful. It sounds like her baby still has plenty of health issues, which is probably causing your daughter some stress. She might also be experiencing some ppd. I can only suggest that perhaps she see a therapist to talk through all of the things she is going to have to deal with. Her NICU should have also given her plenty of contacts regarding dealing with a preemie (our NICU gave us plenty while our son was still alive). If they didn't provide her with any resources, talk to the social worker (every patient in a NICU has a social worker, and this sort of thing is what they are there for).

Best of luck to you and your daughter!

Answer 7

Some people will stop breastfeeding cause they do think the baby isn't getting enough to eat cause really how do you know how much a baby is eating from the breast...When you use a bottle you know for sure how much. There is nothing wrong in bottle feeding.

She may have post partum depression...I did and it was kind of bad. She might need to see a doctor cause if she is depressed they can put her on pills that will help. (it did me)

She could just be so stressed out. Just having a baby and it was born early. Is she young? I was 21 and scared to death but i liked my mom helping me with my son but she could be upset if someone else is trying to tell her how to do this or that with her child. My son was born at 36 weeks but i bottlefeed cause i didnt want to breatsfeed.

Just ask her if she is feeling depressed or if she wants to be by herself with the baby..

Sounds like she is depressed though. Tell her to seek help now cause it can get worse.
Hope she feels better and tell her congrats on her new baby!

Answer 8

This is very common! I had a preemie, born at 34 weeks gestation. I, too, withdrew from my baby. Your daughter either exhausted or overwhelmed from having this new life to take care of, or she's blaming herself for the prematurity and is depressed.

My daughter is now 11 months and is somewhat behind developmentally (she's just starting to army crawl and sit unassisted).

Give your daughter some space and don't hound her to do too much. If she doesn't want to pump, there's formula out there for preemies that works just as well. My daughter was on Similiac NeoSure which is loaded with fat and vitamins to try to "beef them up".

I hope that I have helped you.

Answer 9

Don't interfere. If she is not going to breastfeed, that is her business. A lot of women feel like failures when they decide to quit and people asking them a ton of questions is just twisting the knife. She didn't get to carry the baby to term, she didn't get a chance to bond with him and so far, her life as a mom is NOT how she imagined it. My daughter was in the hospital as a baby and I pumped for her, it is a pain! You have no bond with a breast pump, it hurts and its time consuming. The Dr. isn't going to answer your questions because its not your business. Patient / Dr. confidentiality. Also, a lot of people want to help with the baby, but what new moms need is help with the grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking and laundry so they can bond with the baby. We don't want other people to bond with the baby so we can do the chores! If she needs time alone, offer to watch the baby so she can get her hair done or a facial. Eventually she will come around.

Answer 10

I'm not sure how common it is, but I was a preemie and my mother hates me and has hated me for as long as I can remember. I wondered if it had something to do with me being in the NICU for the first few weeks of life. I don't know. Maybe it will help to seek out preemie support groups and talk to other mothers directly. I hope things start to get better for all of you and congratulations on your grandson.