Is this cheating? What do I do now?

Question

One night my husband told me he was going out with a friend to help him do some work. When he left at 9:00 p.m he said he would be back in 2 hours (knowing I would go to bed). At 5:00 a.m when he still wasn't home I started calling him, about an hour later he came home. He told me then that he was out driving on back roads drinking. Then he told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. The next monday I was at work when a friend called and said she was at the bar on saturday night and saw my husbnd with another women, he left the bar with her and took her out to eat at Denny's. I called asked my husband he said it was true, But said it was not a big deal. To me it was so I filed for divorce ( thats what he said he wanted a couple nights before). He didn't sleep with her that night, but has since then. This happened 2 months ago. Now he says he wants me to come back, that he was wrong and he love me. I am really hurt and angry with him. Should I be? Should I forgive

Answer 1

listen to your heart.
my now fiance cheated and got her prgnant and we are getting married and i know how twisted that sounds without going into detail but i di a lot of soul searching so to speak and i just couldnt give up on us. yes you have every right to be angry and you will forgive him in time if you so choose to but take it slow and figure out what it is you want. sounds to me like you really love him and dont want to give up but i don't want to go into to much detail about my life but i do know what you are going through and you can e-mail me at [e-mail] if you want and i can better explain.

Answer 2

Whether or not he's cheating is really irrelevant at this point.

He told you he doesn't love your anymore and wants a divorce.

That's it. The rest of it is just you trying to come to peace with a situation that is going to hurt like hell no matter what.

So let the issue of whether or not he cheated go. It's going to just end up hurting you more worrying about it, and it truly doesn't matter anymore.

And as to his change of heart? Yeah, it sounds like he thought the grass was greener on the single side of the fence and he's now learned it isn't.

But now the ball is truly in your court. Do you still love him? Is there enough in common for you to have a happy marriage with him?

I think before you give him an answer (and I would not start even dating him again yet or let him in the house), you should sit down with a therapist and sort out what YOU want and need in life and in a happy marriage. Only once you know what you want and need, can you decide if he has the potential to fit into your picture anymore.

Once you have that answer, you can work with him and the therapist to overcome the trust issues this will have created.

Make the boy wait, until you know what you want. Then take it slow, so he has to prove his worth to you.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I don't even know why this is a question for you except that you must be confused over love and grief.

It is cheating by any definition.

His new found love for you is simply out of guilt. He wants to be forgiven. And he feels like sh*t, and well he should.

Proceed with the divorce that HE asked for and do it because you know it is the best thing.

Cheating is the most severe form of disloyalty in a marriage. He has violated a major trust in the vows of marriage. He has broken not only a vow to remain loyal to YOU, but loyal to his commitment.

Stand up with all the strength you can mustar and go forward.

Do NOT belittle your own self worth. You deserve a partner that will not break your heart.

I wish you luck in the future,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


after reading some of the answers given to you I have to comment on "BOB O"

don't pay any attention to the likes of someone like that! Adultery is against a marriage no matter what the pitiful excuses a man may give.

AND I HOPE EVERYONE OF YOU REPORTS "BOB O"

that is NOT a helpful opinion! It is rude and detrimental to this woman's personal dilemma

Answer 4

there's no doubt you should be angry and hurt. He did something completely obsene and wrong. Should you forgive him? Thats a question only you can answer. But take into consideration what type of person he is, who you are, how much you are worth {more than him :)}, and if you truly love him and if he truly made you happy when you were together. You two seemed like you weren't really happy together and if thats the case then you don't have to take him back. You should try and move on and find someone that deserves you. Good Luck hopefully i was of some help.

Answer 5

No, what he did sounds absolutley awful. The man is selfish and you would be better off putting your life back together. What a scumbag! Makes me sick. I wouldn't let him touch me again in my entire life. Go to therapy, but don't live with him anymore. He's ruined all you've built up and has completley disrespected you. Look in a mirror and say "He's a b-st-rd and I'm taking him for all he's worth, which isn't a whole hell of a lot". Find a hobby, make some new friends. You'd be better off homeless in the streets than with a guy like him.

Answer 6

Okie,
Just say NO, don't take him back ...not in this case.
The way you explained it ..it's just doesn't sound right.
He knew what he was doing, he knew you are going to be in pain and it didn't stop him from going with another chick so it won't stop him next time when he will think that he met somebody better or easier.
Honey, be strong very strong !If you survived 2 months without him you can do it! If you need support e-mail me anytime you want to.
I would really like to tell you that everything will be OK in your relationship but I don't want you to get hurt again.
Only a miracle can help him change so don't fall for it again.
Good Luck

Answer 7

I am going through the same thing right now. I don't really know what to tell you, everyone keeps telling you to ditch the dog and when you think about what he has done to you, you hate him. But your really love him and just want things to be good between the both of you and to be happy again. I am wishing that my husband wanted me back and was sorry for what he did but he is happy with this new girl and wants nothing to do with me but I still love him. Whatever you do listen to your heart and decide with your better judgement. I hope the best for you and god bless.

Answer 8

You have every right to be angry with him! Trust while is easy to give is very difficult to regain. Sounds like you need to do some more talking before you can make any decisions. Its easy to say from this side to dump him and move on. But the choice is really yours and one not to be made lightly or in haste. Can you live with someone you don't trust? Search your soul and I know you will come up with the right answer for you.

Good luck!!

Answer 9

Since he has subsequently slept with the woman, I would say that yes, it was cheating. However, you need to consider truly and deeply the vows that you took when you married. Is your husband redeemable, and if so, what is the root of his cheating. There is obviously something much deeper going on. Cheating is a symptom, not the illness. Does he really not love you as he said, and more importantly, do you really love him?

Answer 10

He sounds like a bum. Once a cheater always a cheater. I don't think it will work but you could try a marriage counselor if he is willing to go. Chances are she figured out that he is no good so he came back to you. It's only a matter of time before he does it again. I'd move on.

Answer 11

Cut your loses, he is doing you a favor, you deserve someone who truely loves you and isnt going to play games like this. It will hurt and get some support to help you be strong. Guys are experts at saying the right thing at the right time to get you back. But the honeymoon doesn't last. If you don't believe me, then give him another chance-theres only one way to find out, right?