what to do when they reach 18, think they are grown up, but still have a long way to go?

Question

I have an 18 year old daughter. I've done my best to give her all that I can. She wrecked her car this week (not hurt thank God). Now she is so mad at me because I can't fix her car they way she wants it. I can get it drivable but not looking great. I just bought the car for her less than a month ago, paid cash she has no payment but will not even get a job to help with insurance. Because she was mad over the car she took off with her boyfriend without telling me a thing. I found her about 12 hours later, because of her age i can't make her come home but I'm not willing to just give up. I think there may be drugs involved. I want to help her but she just will not let me. She has done this before and come home 2-3 days later saying she's sorry, but emotionally I can't keep doing this. Where do I draw the line? I'm afraid she will end up hurt or worse.

Answer 1

Coming from an 18 year old, you need to let her go. Let her know that you're there for her, but stop helping her out when she does this kind of stuff to you. She's your daughter so you're going to love her no matter what, but you can't just let her walk all over you like this. It's not just about her, it's about you. Hopefully she'll come around, but in the meantime just let her know that if she needs you she can come back and you'll be there for her, but that you won't just let her be this tyrant she's become and cater to her every whim. If there are drugs involved it would be a good idea to notify the authorities because her life may be in danger, but other than that just try to make sure from afar that she's safe and make sure she knows you're there for her when she realizes you're the better option.

Answer 2

My 18 year old daughter does the very same thing. She spilit about 3 weeks ago and moved in with a 25 year old man with child. She does not work, and says he will support her on $7.50 and hour. It hurts me like crazy, but I have decided Ive had enough. You can only help so much then you become an enabler, and they never learn responsiblity. I tried to help her get a job and get started in life and she basicallly doesn't ever plan to work. I am scared she will end up pregnant and homeless.
I cut her off for now while I get strong enough to move on and realize she must learn from her own mistakes. I cannot live her life for her. Her lies and disrespect kill me after all I have done for her. She needs to learn a lesson and the sooner the better. I pray every day, and hope she is ok, but for now I realize I couldn't have done anymore.
If I were you, I would park the car and stop the insurance. Put a for sale sign on it. Show her you mean business, and quit putting up with her shinnanigans. Get rid of her car and make her learn responsiblity. She is going to learn it the hard way.

Answer 3

I advise letting her go through the school of hard-knocks. She wrecked her car, if ahe wants it back, she needs to pay to have it fixed. She doesn't come home, fine, you dont care. She doesn't get any money for anything. She has to get a job and keep it to stay in your house. This is exactly what my mom is doing with my 19 year old sister. She screams about everything and does drugs. We ended up taking all the keys away from her, except the ones to my mom's house. She is beginning to straighten up. She finally got a job and everything. If the car is not in your daughter's name, do not put it in her name. My mother made this mistake. If she doesn't come home again when she is supposed to, report it stolen. Then, sont file charges on her. It will make her feel as if you are serious about your rules. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Well to me it sounds like you shouldn't have given her a car if she's not willing to pay for the upkeep, because it's about responsibility. I'm 18, my dad gave me his old car when I was 16 but I still had to have a job to pay for insurance, gas, and repairs. But it sounds like your daughter has bigger problems. She's 18 so you can't make her do anything, but you can let her know you're worried about her and want her to get help. Better yet, try some tough lovin. Kick her out of the house if she can't stop her drug problem or refuses to get help, because it sounds like it's just too hard on you. Sorry if that sounds harsh, that's just the way I was raised-to be responsible for myself.

Answer 5

Sorry , Unfortunately their isn't much you can really do since she is legally a adult . Just talk ( don't scream or yell ,that will make it worse ) to her in a way that she will feel that you are not telling her what to do and pray that she will take your advice . As far as the car is concern , since she is a adult she should be paying her own expense ( then maybe she want damage it ) for anything that have to do with it . If she can't then she doesn't need the car .

Answer 6

I am also 18 and I think your should tell her that the next time she does that( leaves the house) she will have to move out. It is not fair that she treats you that way after all the things you have done for her. Maybe if she is out of the house she will realize how much she needs you and how she needs to respect you. Support her, but do not let her stomp all over you

Answer 7

Sell the car, first off... That way she can't just go running off at her leisure. She obviously doesn't respect the fact that you did all that for her. I mean, when I turned 16, my parents bought me a car for $500...that was the budget...they did pay my insurance for a while, but I paid for the gas. And I had to get a job....the car was for me to go to work and school with. If I acted like an adult, I was treated like an adult. I could do whatever I wanted to, as long as I was responsible. I got a Plymouth Horizon, ugliest thing you ever saw, but I was damn happy to have a car and totaly appreciated that my parents footed the $500 for me. I never wrecked that car, I drove it until it died. I thank them for doing that for me...it helped me appreciate the little things....I didn't have to ask for and get the moon to be happy and for them to show me that they loved me. I seriously think you should get rid of what's left of her car, as she doesn't appreciate it or she wouldn't have wrecked it and wouldn't be complaining about the way it was fixed. She will probably throw a temper tantrum about it, but she is only using your emotions to get what she wants. Don't let her abuse you like that....get rid of the car...if she wants to have things, she needs to get them herself. She is an adult now!!! She's gotta learn sometime to grow up.

Answer 8

just let her go,she will find out its harder on the outside then it is at home.some kids think they know it all when they become around that age.she will find out and if you keep getting her back she will rebel against you.probably she will turn up pregnant or become a druggie.if you cant control her maybe someone can.lets just hope she doesnt get killed or something like that.i feel for you,you dont have enough to worry about she has to add more.

Answer 9

you draw the line at teeling her if she thinks she is big enough to think she can go out on her own let her go she will learn hopefully she wont get hurt one day she will wake up and realize its gonna be very hard on u i promise but u wantnig her to and beggin is gonna make her wanna stay gone she is feelin a since of power plz feel free to im for help

Answer 10

just because shes 18 doesn't make her grown and if she lived in your house then you should be in control of things. if you are paying for things and she doesn't appreciate it then dont buy her anything else and let her get job and then maybe she will possibly begin to understand how it feels when she can only provide for herself and no one else is going to foot the bill for her.