Mature adults please....?

Question

I feel like a total loser. She ended our relationship just over a month ago after 22 months together and knowing each other for over a year before that. I am getting professional help. I have virtually no desire to do anything. Here I am 43 and never been married and I get to the health club at 8pm on a Friday night and get home at 10:15 on a Friday night and find myself on here because I am so lonely and hurt. I pour my heart, life and soul out to her and she quits on me. I hate this and don't know what else to do.

Answer 1

You're doing everything you can do. The old cliche about time heals all wounds is true. It sucks to hear but that is all you can do... just try to keep yourself busy. I am so sorry for you, I know the feelings.

Answer 2

I know you are feeling sad, hurt, confused....maybe even a little ticked off by all of it. You need to allow yourself to grieve the loss of this relationship. I think you are on the right track to seek professional assistance to discuss how you feel about all of this.
There is a book out there called "They Call It a Break Up Because It's Broken". Although it sounds a little mean, I swear it is the funniest take on break ups. It gives you two perspectives: one from a male point of view, the other from a woman. It really helped me deal with my break up. Surround yourself with your good friends and family. Don't dwell on what she's doing, why things didn't work out, etc. Focus on becoming yourself again. You'll see in time that things all happen for a reason, and you
will realize this was the best thing for you. You will find someone who can appreciate you for you, and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Go now young man.....and stand in the mirror! Seriously, do this! Right now!!! Go look at yourself in the mirror, and say, "I forgive you." Tomorrow is a brand new day and a brand new you. Do your thing for a while before jumping back on the dating scene. You will thank yourself later for this. No rebound booty okay? Seriously! Focus all your time and attention on improving your self-esteem and self-worth. Keep a DTR, or daily thought record of your feelings, along with a list of "Daily Dozens." What are 12 things you accomplished today? Set some short and long-term goals. Is there a class you've always wanted to take but maybe haven't had time? Go sign up. Stay focused, stay busy, and dont forget to love yourself. There is only one you. You are a man. You have feelings too. But, you cannot move forward with the healing process until you forgive yourself, and say, "Okay, now I'm ready to move forward. Tomorrow is a new day." Print this, and go to your mirror and get busy! ;)

Answer 4

Staying home, feeling sorry won't help you. I have been there and I know how you feel, but I also know that not doing anything won't help you at all, you will just feel worse, you need to go out and do something you like, life goes on, you may not want to go to a bar or out with friends, what if you give yourself a delicious dinner, go to the movies, go have a frapuccino and read a book, go get some new Cd's, focus on yourself and your recovery from this, I am not telling you to forget and go on, but to go on with your life, what do you like? what did you do when you were not with her? before you met? Life doesn't happen when you are with somebody, life happens everyday and it happens to you, not through somebody else, live, feel the pain, but live and one day you won't remember the pain but the good moments and you will smile

Answer 5

listen...ive been there...i know exactly what ur going through...i mean all u wanna do is see them again....but it'll never be the same anyway...so....

Put urself in some neat clothes....put urself in the car....pick up a friend....go to the bar...go to a club...get out of the house...ASAP....move on....honestly the feeling u get when u walk into a bar and are having fun and look over and see ur X standing there watching u with that wish that they were still with u in their eyes...is so totally worth it.

So get up get out....go have fun..life is too short wonder about the ifs, and has beens....cause right now is right now and thats all that counts for today.

Answer 6

im sorry ur hurting, the only advice i cud give you is to get out the house and stop pitying urself. I know it's easier said than done but go out with friends, dont stay alone. Find any activity, take dancing lessons, anything. I cant promise that u will 4get her any time soon but dont stress 2 much about gettin married. 1st things 1st find the right woman.

Best of luck to you and i wish you happiness.

Answer 7

I've been in similar shoes before too and it's really tough. You plain and simple have the blues! It does hurt a lot to love someone and then get abandoned but you will get over it. You have to turn that page in your life and believe better things will come your way and they will. Just don't give up!

Answer 8

you deserve better ! i know how lonely it can get but try to be strong and keep busy, try just hanging out at the local bookstore with a coffee stand like boarders, if you see a woman who catches your eye start a conversation like do you know where the art section is ? then offer to buy her a cup of coffee ? also get a dog or cat to help fill the void , if you set something free let it go, if it doesnt come back it was never yours to begin with

Answer 9

If she knows how you feel about her, then that's all you can do.
Don't wait around on her anymore , find somone new and have fun , live it up! You sound like a very good person and some weaker women cant handle that in spite of what they tell you.

Answer 10

I'm sure things are hard, but you have to move on. Call some friends and go out and have fun!! Keep your self busy and go places you can meet new people. Life is to short to try and hold on to someone who doesn't want to hold you back. Good Luck!!