We have dated and had sex about good 10-15 times. However, as soon as our marriage started the sex stopped and he avoided sex. When I initiated sex he gave me an excuse. He is not gay. He deoesn't have boyfriend or girfriend. He is not on any pill. He smokes a lot though. He said he is not asexual, not gay, he enjoyed sex before. Thank you for your advice. He says he enjoyed sex before but has no drive now. When we tried to have sex, he was feeling really insecure and inadequate. It was almost like little virgin boy who is afraid what is going to happen and want me to jump on him. But when we tried to have sex, he was very inadequate. It was like he didn't know what to do. He was like a little scared boy who was waiting for me to jump on him. He doesn't know how to foreplay, touch, please each other. He never initiated sex in last 5 years of our marriage. He said he was depressed but I have seen him happy and never initiated sex. He doesn't want to see doctor or therapist.
2006-06-30 15:52:53 · 7 answers · asked by whattodo898 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like you have a very lonely marriage. Been there, done that and if you let this continue you will eventually feel anger towards him. Let him know how much you love him and that you need to get back the intimacy you both had before you were married. He needs to get professional help to find out where the problem is. And if he still refuses you need to make some major decisions as to whether you want to continue your marriage with this man. Good Luck to you.
2006-06-30 16:01:07 · answer #1 · answered by goldengirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes, that's a tough one. I'm sorry for being sceptical, but I think he might be lying about something or in some serious denial. Sexuality is part of a healthy relationship and, if what you say is true, then he has a big problem that he is not sharing. Five years is a long time. Knowing that your relationship is not healthy, and knowing that you may never again have sex with your husband, you have to ask yourself if you can live this way... I can't answer that for you. You could get a self-pleasuring device. Or you could force the issue with him and risk having to separate from him. If you stay and then he finally works it out and leaves you in 15 years on a path of self-discovery, you may end up wishing that you pressed the issue.
2006-06-30 16:27:47 · answer #2 · answered by S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you know for sure he isn't gay? Maybe sex just isn't an important aspect to him. If he refuses to see anyone about it, then there's nothing you can do. Sounds very weird. I mean, the whole point of marrying someone is to be with only them. While sex isn't the end all to be all, it does play an important roll. Five years is a long time, and maybe he just doesn't know how to get back in there so to speak. Try doing something romantic that relaxes him. That is the best advice I have.... good luck.
2006-06-30 16:00:02 · answer #3 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe there is pressure from work or whatever - that can occupy the mind and not make him think of sex. If you want sex you'll have to go get it from him - take control - show him how to foreplay without being the teacher. If he's depressed he can still laugh - depression is very sad and there is drugs to combat that - talk to your own doctor and get some advice for him.
2006-06-30 16:06:37 · answer #4 · answered by Leila 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should seek therapy even if it is very hard for him to do so. If he cares for you and wants your marriage to work, he has to realize how important sex is to a relationship. It brings a couple closer, and by withholding it he is hurting you. He must try to understand why he isn't interested, or anxious about his performance, and what has come between you to make him feel that way.
2006-06-30 21:28:06 · answer #5 · answered by gentlesoul_63 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If HE won't see a doctor or therapist, then it is going to be up to you. I know that its not YOUR problem, but they may have more ideas and info as to how to (maybe) get him to one of those professionals.
2006-06-30 16:01:16 · answer #6 · answered by ladyjailbird424 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's feeling insecure about sex. go to a sex therapist.
2006-06-30 15:58:34 · answer #7 · answered by baby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋