I Need Help With Parenting?

Question

See there is this bar that I go to every week.

Every week,my son who is 13 begs for us not to go, but we go anyways.

Am I being mean?.... What should I tell my child?

Answer 1

WELL I'M 17 AND I REMEMBER WHEN MY DAD DRANK I HATED IT CAUSE I DIDNT LIKE THE WAY HE ACTED. MAYBE HE IS WORRIED ABOUT YOU AND MAYBE THERE IS STUFF THAT YOU DO WHEN YOU DRINK THAT WORRIES HIM OR SCARES HIM, EVEN MAYBE DRINKING AND DRIVING. I KNOW I HAD A PROBLEM WITH THAT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER!
I DONT THINK YOUR BEING SELFISH YOU NEED YOUR TIME TO YOURSELF BUT MAYBE GO SOMEWHERE ELSE INSTEAD!

Answer 2

You need more help than just parenting if you are not listening to your kid. You just don't get it, do you? If he begs you not to go there is a reason and probably more than one. First, he could see you in the condition you come home in (and if you go every week I'll bet it isn't always pretty--[good example for a kid, huh--he'll do it too in later life}, 2nd of all who are you leaving him with? (maybe there is abuse going on--physical or sexual). Third of all, he could have insecurity issues or more.

Are you being mean? probably not, but you are being unfeeling, that's for sure. You need to have a good, long talk with the boy and find out what is the matter. Ask questions that he can't answer with just a yes or no. Be specific and have him be specific, too. Ask the people he's staying with how he acts when you are gone (that might give you a clue).

What should you tell your child? Tell him the truth. Where you are going and why (I need time with other adults, or whatever the REAL reason is). Explain to him that you need your time too. Maybe, if its appropriate during the day, take him and show him where you are going (and if they serve food have lunch there---assuming it's not a "joint" or adult club (i.e. nudity).

You are getting ready to have a BIG problem with him if you don't do something radically different and I do mean RADICALLY different.

This is your child we are talking about, not a plaything.

Answer 3

It might help to ask him why he doesn't want you to go. It also depends on why it is that you want to go to the bar. There are many possibilities that I can't tell from the question alone what you should do.

Probably the best thing to do is to sit down and talk to your child and ask him to tell you candidly why he doesn't want you to go. Don't be defensive and say "I deserve this trip to the bar because I work hard all week!" or "I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want!" while you're listening to him. Just hear what he has to say. AFTER he's had his say, then you can tell him why you like to go to the bar and maybe you two can work something out that fulfills both your needs. My gut instinct is that he just wants to spend some more time with you and/or doesn't want to share you with the people you meet at the bar.

Answer 4

First of all, if you're going out to a bar every week, you're spending way more time on yourself. You're being selfish and you should thank your lucky stars your kid is actually begging you not to go rather than acting out by doing drugs, having sex, joining a gang, etc. Sounds like your kid has a good head on his shoulders.

Chances are, he plays the role of the martyr in what is very likely an alcoholic family. I really hope someday you learn to love and appreciate your children and spend time with them. They won't always beg you to stay. Try spending family time together once a week instead. It won't kill you and you might actually enjoy it.

Answer 5

I think something is going on. Sometimes kids that age don't tell you everything that is bothering them. If they have an older brother that beats the crud out of them when you are gone, or something like that, you might not know. He might not be telling you the real reason why he hates it when you to leave. If the creepy old man next door hits on him when he's alone he might not tell you that either. Or if his sister sneaks in her boyfriend while you are gone he might not tell you that either.
Kids can be tight lipped at that age. You might think you know everything...ha ha. You'd fall over if you knew half the stuff they don't tell you.

I don't think its normal for a kid that age to be that clingy unless something is really bothering him. Or maybe, when you go to that bar, maybe you are coming home a little sloshed and it scares him the way you act when you come home.

In other words, something is bothering the kid, and I think it is probably something legit. Try to talk to him and get it out of him.

Answer 6

Your son is probably afraid that you may not come home. If you drink and drive there is always that chance. Maybe you "change" when you drink and he doesn't like what you become when you do. Just a thought.

You're an adult and will do what you want, but maybe you should ask him why he is so adamant about you not going. Get his feelings and then maybe you can come to a compromise.

Answer 7

why is he begging you two not to go is the question. Sit down and hear him out, perhaps he has good reason to beg you...and why are you going every week to the bar?

Answer 8

tell your child u will stop and when i mean stop i mean not for a week and go again wats more apportant drinking or ur son?????
oh and the reason why yur child is mean some to u is because u r drunk most of the time!!!!!!!
P.s IF U CHOOSE THE BAR INSTEAD OF UR FRIKEN SON YOUR A BAD PARENT!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Well you should atleast do what your child asks you to do, if you don't this can cause conflict between you guys which isn't good at all. What do you do at the bar.. Anyhow I think he's scared you might come home drunk and have the urge to just beat him up.. could be

Answer 10

There must be a reason this upsets your son so much. What is going on when you go? Is it just when you go the bar or other places also? I agree that you need to sit and talk with him and also that you need to reconsider your entertainment activities.

Answer 11

Yes, you should not be going. There must be a reason that he asks you not to go. Is he worried for your safety? Or what? Have you asked him why? I think you should turn the tables and take the advice of your child.