I am bisexual and i tell everyone arround me. I had a crush on a guy and didnt know that he was married. A few weeks after meeting him, he was driving me to the mall, he told me that he thought i was sexy and that he wanted to kiss me. I declined of corse at first then a few days later we startred talking.
He told me that he had never been with a guy and that he wanted me to be his first.
A few days later i went to go see a movie and he came to pick me up... he works for my father. In the vehicle he told me again that he wanted to kiss me and so i kised him... thinking that he was single.
A few days ago i found out that he was married and his wife has no idea that we were intimate. I really liked him and now i feel like..... i cheated. I can't get this feeling to go away, no matter what i try to do. He told me that he was married after sex then told me that i would be his, and i quote, "BOOTY CALL" I feel violated.
What do i do?
jon
2006-06-30 14:59:55 · 12 answers · asked by ilovetodie 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You avoid him and never take his calls again. You were violated in that he wasn't honest with you from the outset. You can either tell everyone concerned what's happened (how old are you?) or you can talk to someone in confidence (school counsellor, minister, doctor) and take it from there.
You definitely need to talk through it with someone, though. Just so that you can put it into perspective and lose that dirty guilty feeling that's bothering you.
2006-07-01 03:31:30 · answer #1 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is heavy. You have every right to feel violated- you were. There isn't a straightforward answer to your question- you need to ask yourself a few questions first:
* What are your feelings for this guy? Be honest- you had a crush on him, but how about now?
* What is your relation to this guy (other than the past events)? Can you avoid him? If not, can you confront him?
* You said he works for your dad- how much older is he then you? How would your dad feel about this?
* Have you shared this with anyone, and will everyone know soon? If so, be prepared to have your mind made up, because all eyes will be on you. If not, be selective with who you tell- it could bite you in the butt later.
His actions make him sound like you weren't his first, but only you know that. If you don't want to be with him, put as much distance as you can between the two of you, and BE FIRM. Enlist trusted people in this if necessary- if you waver, he won't leave you alone.
Don't threaten to tell his wife unless you're at the end of your rope- that could come back to bite you later too.
Please don't beat yourself up over the infidelity issue- if you didn't know he was married, then you did nothing wrong- HE was the one disloyal to HER- not you. You made a decision with all the information you had, and if you knew more you would have made a different decision, right?
2006-06-30 22:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by Kati Lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jon, Its normal to feel cheated.. but don't let this eat your nerves..
Unless there is no evidence that you two had sex.. its ok and its safe... yes, you are cheated but that doesnt mean its the end of the world.. before you had sex with him, you didn't know that he has a wife... so calm down... show him that it wont affect you and move on with your life...
you cannot change the past.. just thank him for the experience and forget it... live your life to the fullest.. don't let this worthless guy ruin your life! go jon go! by the way, are you in the US?
2006-06-30 22:35:47 · answer #3 · answered by c3ss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all dude, how old are you? That might have some bearing on this.
Secondly,sounds like he's taking advantage of you....and he was clearly dishonest with you.
Thirdly, in some states, you can be charged with "alienation of affection" if your actions of intimacy with a married person causes "harm" to the relationship.
My advice?...run the other way.
2006-07-01 00:27:08 · answer #4 · answered by talldude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, in the words of Teddy P, "I think you better let it go". Baby, you've been hurt in the worst way. Don't let this jerk consume you. It's gonna be tough, but in the end, you'll feel better. There are plenty of good looking people in the GLBT community. Don't go any lower with this "low down, down low" creep. Take time to be by yourself. Don't rush into anything with anyone. And baby, look deep before you leap!
2006-06-30 23:32:31 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you havent done anything wrong firstly- this guy was not honest with u (and obviously now the anser was because he wanted u as his booty call)
if u knew he was married im sure u wouldnt have got involved. now u do know i think the best thing to do is forget this guy- dont let him use u.
it wasnt u that did the cheating hun.
2006-06-30 22:07:41 · answer #6 · answered by playboy_bunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right to feel violated. This man abused you. Knowing you liked him, he used you for sex, wants to continue using you for sex, and expects that you won't tell his wife. It sounds to me as if you were interested in a real relationshiop, and he took advantage of that.
I don't think you'll feel right if you continue to see him. Knowing he's married, you would be helping him to cheat. Start with telling him you don't want to see him again. Cut off all communication. If he continues to try to contact you, be firm; heck, threaten to tell his wife, if you want. Just be sure that no matter what you tell him to get him to leave you alone, be sure you're ready to follow through.
2006-06-30 22:06:15 · answer #7 · answered by b30954 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right to feel violated, he's a cheating scum bag, if he wants to be bi, he need to tell the wife and if she agrees to an open marriage then more power to him, but you didn't cheat, you aren't the one who is married and try not to buy his line about you being his 1st, he seems like a slimy player
2006-07-01 00:45:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first and fore most you are having an affair with a married man regardlees of what angle you are looking at. You should stop seeing this person avance!! Let him deal with his relationship one at a time...whatever his sweet words to you are mere words...not actions...many naive women have waited and wasted years at the mere promise of Romeos will be leaving their wives soon. In your case, he has to deal with his sexuality as well.
2006-06-30 22:12:56 · answer #9 · answered by sstooc2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad things happen to good people. Brush it off and go on....but respect yourself and steer clear of this guy --it is going to be hard because you have some sort of feelings - I could tell by your post!
2006-07-07 12:23:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋