why do i miss my abusive bf so much? i love the idiot! whats wrong with me?

Answer 1

I don't know your history, but many females who were abused as children enter into abusive relationships as adults. It is known as the cycle of abuse. Read : http://www.drirene.com/cyclesof.htm and http://www.blainn.com/abuse/cycle2.html
If you were not abused as a child, there might be an abandonment issue, or you may have felt neglected/rejected by your dad. OR, you could just be going through part of a grieving experience because you have lost someone you love.
All of those reasons are normal for all people. I hope you are good to yourself. You deserve to be nurtured. Good Luck !

Answer 2

Your not an idiot. Abusive men make women feel like no one else will ever want them. They make them feel like they are the only ones that love and care about you and that you will be lost without them all the while they are controlling you and hurting you. I know from personal experience what it is like to be with an abusive man so I understand how you feel. Just know that you can be okay without him and all the negative talk that you remember him saying or negative talk you are saying yourself, is just talk. Learn to lean on yourself and love yourself. You complete you, not him. Find other things to do with your time when you find yourself missing him and this is going to be a hard step for you. And when he calls back and he will, if you know you don't want to be abused anymore, then with everything you have in you, don't go back to him and don't let yourself go back to those negative feelings again. All my best and you are not alone. There are alot of us out here going through the same thing. Stay strong my sista.

Answer 3

This is an excellent question. You should get some counseling or find a support group to help you figure it out. Until you understand it you will keep going back to the same abuser or find new ones. This is not about love although it probably is about the intensity of feelings you experience in an abusive relationship.

Answer 4

Oh girl please STOP now I was in a very abusive relationship, my first husband, after numerous trips to the hospital and stitches, burns and broken bones I still said I loved him. I always heard the same ole apology and how things were going to change. It took near death for me because I protected my son who was a month old to leave and at first I honestly was torn because I ddnt want my son hurt but i STILL loved him. Honey it was love but there is gud and bad love and u have bad love going its like adeadly disease, u may be able to slow it down but eventually it will kill you. Not to mention the fact if kids are ever involved the trauma you put them through. Get out hon it hurts OMG I know it does and for a minute your going to think your lifes ended but it wont. And eventually you will find Mr. Right as opposed to Mr. NONO lol and you will wonder why you ever took it this long. You have to remember most ppl who abuse have broken your ego as well as your self esteem they would have to to keep you. Its gonna take some healing on your part before you'll feel gud again

Answer 5

Its because of the lets say, "relationship" comfort you had with him, abusive or not. It was still a relationship regardless to you. You need to move on, and either find a good counselor who can teach you how to get your self esteem back, and get back on track. I am in a verbally abusive marriage with an alcoholic and battle with this everyday so I understand what your going through. You deserve better, trust me. You are a different person when he is away from you aren't you? He has just done a number on your esteem and feeling of being able to stand alone. This is when you need your friends and family the most, if you have them. Good luck. Please find a good counselor.

Answer 6

Let me guess..he tells you he loves you and that it wont happen again...think again Ive been there. It took me 10 years to accept that nothing was ever going to change and that there WAS something wrong with abuse be it mental and or physical abuse. No matter how sweet you think he is when he is buttering himself back up to be in your favour again until the next episode. Get your self esteem up off the floor and get out and find a real man. Is that someone you maybe want to marry, control your life, have kids with and maybe beat your kids as well as you?...unless he flips and kills you first.

Answer 7

I know from my own experience that my ability to pick the man in my life was hindered by my self esteem and what I felt I deserved. I was phyisically abused at one point in my life and felt that because I was such a low class person that I could only get what I deserved. I've since made a decision that I deserved to be treated with dignity and respect. Also if the man in my life doesn't want me to be happy, healthy and safe, then HE doesn't deserve to be in MY life. I think it's hard to let go of ANYTHING even AFTER he/it/she is no longer good for me. I used to think that pain meant that I was in love. Pain means now that the person isn't treating me right. I say take charge of your own decisions.. ride out the loneliness of him being gone.. learn how to enjoy being alone for a little while.. and start being hard to get. Not just anybody deserves to be in YOUR life. Time to start making decisions to take care of ME.. (YOU).
Hope this helps ya.. (((hugs)))

Answer 8

I was in a physically abusive relationship once. They start out by brainwashing you into thinking that you can't live without them and that nobody else will ever want you. You have to keep telling yourself over and over and over again that you are so much better and safer without him, and mean it!! You have probably become so use to relying on him that you think you need him, but you don't! It's all in your head, and if you really, and I mean really think about it, you don't love him. Tell yourself, ' I can't possibly love someone who would treat me so badly and I absolutely deserve better and there are REAL men out there.

Answer 9

Well if you was once in love with your bf of coarse its going to take some time to get over him. He was abusive as you say so i hope you wont go back to him but it will take a lot of time to heal from him emotionally and physically. so don't worry thees nothing wrong with you you just stuck in love and cant get out. But i hope one day you will.
Good luck!!

Answer 10

sometimes we tend to hang on to someone even if its an abusive bf. thinking we cant find others or just dont want to have to find someone else. we become comfortable. if you dont break free from this it will become worse. be confident in yrself and get some self pride back. walk away. it will take time to heal