Mother of a 3 month old in an unhappy relationship. No sex drive at all because of the way boyfriend treats me

Question

I had my daughter in March. Before she was born things weren't so great with her father. I'm nineteen and he's twenty-four. Anyways my depression all started around my seventh month of pregnancy. I live with my mom but he always wanted me at his place so I went just so he would't get angry even though I preferred being home. Anyways, while I was there I feel as if he treated me like **** but he thinks otherwise. Every single morning he would wake up at about 7 o'clock to go to the store to get some cigars while I was sleeping because I didn't wake till about 8. His friends would then be there as soon as i woke playing the xbox and getting high. It pissed my off so much because he didn't pay me any attention. About 4 hours later when they left he wanted to have sex and I wouldn't be up to it because I was so unhaapy. He would get soo angry so i just gave it to him. This lasted till the birth of my baby. Now that the baby is born he feels that I have no reason not to want to have sex.

For DJ....I do live with my mother as of now...I am a full time college student...And I have a baby because I chose to be sexually active and now I have to deal with the consequences just to set the record straight

Someone made the comment he doesn't care about the baby....he truely does. Its just the fact that he doesn't realize the things that comes along with ahving a baby and being a father

Answer 1

omg....the answer is clear... just leave him and get your own life situated and if he wants to help then it would be nice... but dont expect him to be there... it will just disappoint you more in the long run..

Answer 2

Many women who give birth experience a time of "not wanting" any after the baby is born. After all, your whole life revolves around the baby, and you get so tired that sex is the last thing on your mind. Its normal.

However, I'm reading that this isn't just a result of being tired with baby...that he's still acting like a "guy with no responsibility" and not as a parent...and he's been acting this way since before your daughter was born. You need to do what is best for your daughter...which probably is not having her in this situation (where he's smoking and getting high, the anger, etc). Its good that you aren't physically living with him anymore. Perhaps sit down and have a chat about what you need from him to continue this relationship. If you can't come up with something you both can live with, then break it off. Don't stay with him "just for your daughter." She can still get to know both of her parents, you would just have to work out visitation and such.

Good luck to you, I wish you all of the best. I'm so happy to see that you are willing to admit that you made some choices here that you now have to deal with the consequences of...it will make you a better mother. You can do this!

Answer 3

Having a new baby is really tough...to have a baby without real support from the father would be extra tough. You have just mentioned that he does care about the baby, but doesn't realise things change...unfortunately if he hasn't realised by now (bub is 3 months?) then don't expect him to realise in the near future! As for your sex drive...that is the least of your worries. I am just starting to feel 'sexy' again and my bub is 19 months. Your body goes through a huge upheaval when you have a baby...both physically and emotionally. If your partner isn't loving and supportive,...sorry, but you are better off without him. Congrats for moving back with your Mum and getting things sorted out with your studies. Your 1st priority is your baby and you. Take care of that and everything else will fall into place. Good luck!

Answer 4

It's not a good relationship. Since you're not married, you don't have to worry about divorce, so you can pretty much do what you want.

I think that every father should have a relationship with his children, so don't play games as far as that, but you'll need to stay away until he gets his act together and try to find other men that can serve as good male role models for the kid.

That last point is very important because whether the kid is a boy or a girl, if they don't know a "father-figure', then they get weird ideas about how to interact effectively socially when they're older.

Hey, and remember, Bill Clinton's original name was Bill Blythe. He named himself Clinton after his 3rd stepfather who was a good role model. He ended up being president of the united states.

Answer 5

You are fortunate that you have an alternate place to live. I would pack up and go there NOW! Obviously, this guy doesn't want the responsibilities of fatherhood. (Cigar smoke around a BABY?)

Contact a lawyer and make sure he pays child support. He is legally responsible until the child is 18. Talk your depression over with your doctor. Postpartum depression is common, especially given your circumstances. Help is available. It's time to leave!

Answer 6

I know how you feel. My stories kind of similar. My son is now 7 months old and i still don't feel like having sex with my bf because he is an ***. Most the time i just it to him to make him leave me alone. Though while i was pregnant he actually forced me to have sex with him a few times. I am to a point I have had enough. I can't tell you what exactly to do, but if he is the reason you are depressed then you need to do something. You have a child now and you need to be there for that child.

Answer 7

This sounds very much like my husband was after I had my last baby. I believe I had post partum depression, and didn't want sex. But he wouldn't take no for an answer. After a while, I got tired of him getting angry, so I just gave it to him. But this only became a habit, and it got to the point I would just lay there and cry while he was doing it. I put up with it for about 5 years, and then I left him, and almost divorced him.

This seemed to make him realize what he had been doing. The name for it, yes there is a name, is Marital Rape. No, he didn't physically force me, he mentally forced me. Yes. It's a legitimate type of rape, and not uncommon.

So, you need to either talk to him, and get him to understand that it's not right to get sex through anger, OR you need to get rid of him. Trust me, this can really cause a lot of psychological damage to you. I am still trying to overcome the bad feelings he caused. And, I am now pretty much repulsed at the thought of having sex with him. It's very sad. Please don't let it get this far for yourself. I'm here if you need a friend to talk to. (((((Huggggg)))))))

Answer 8

I'm going to have to be honest with you: You had a baby with a loser.

Most women don't have their normal sex drive back after three months. You are probably tired from the baby waking in the middle of the night, plus your body's hormones are probably not back to their pre-birth levels.You should not have to feel obligated to have sex with him, period. Though it is understandable that he will want sex he should be a bit more patient.

Is he smoking around the baby? He doesn't have a job, right? I think you should be a lot more concerned with those two things rather than your sex life right now. I hope I don't seem too harsh; I'm just keeping it real.

Answer 9

He is mentally abusive and you and that baby of yours need more. He is a selfish, immature, and addicted individual , who by no means is ready to take care of you... let alone an infant. You have no "feelings" for him because of the way you are being treated and by the life you are living...you are stressed and miserable. Why would you want to be "close" to him? Get out....now. You would be far happier and safer there. I think, your Mom, would rather have you and her grandchild with her. You sound afraid of him, too. Bad news. Please get out and start a new life either with Mom or on your own. There are many choices and options...but your welfare and your child's is the main priority....period. You are reaching out for help by writing this question, so you KNOW this is not the life for you or that baby's. I wish you luck and strength.....and somehow I think you know what to do. Go for it...you will be so much happier and at ease. You are too young to be stressed and unhappy...and that baby needs a "together" Mom..............You have my blessings.

Answer 10

I just want to say that you have a great attitude about being young and having a kid. Men are not maternal, so naturally he is not going to worry about getting high and acting immature around you and your baby (pregnant or not). My advice would be to stay at your moms and continue to go to school, and just spend time at his house. That way you can leave when he decides to do something you dont like. By the way, dont have sex with him if you dont want to, he doesnt own you. Good Luck.

Answer 11

Leave him because he needs to grow up, plus no offense to guys who play xbox but if you are 24 and you still play something is really wrong. Take your baby and go back home because from the way it sounds your parents love you enough to take you in, so go there and if he comes after you get a restraining order. Do what ever it takes because your baby deserves that. He needs to give you attention and your baby because your the ones in his life, get things straight and ditch the loser!!!!