How soon is too soon to be getting into a serious when you're on the rebound?

Question

My wife took off. Seems she had been looking into other guys, and we've only been married for a little over a year and have one child. We had been going to counseling, but she gave up. One of our mutual friends tells me she'd been trying to hook up with him for a while, he just didn't tell me because he didn't want to stir up stuff in our house. At first I wanted my wife back, but really I just want her back because she has our son. On topic though, I've met someone else, who is amazing. She's carring, sweet, beautiful, and nice. I know she loves me more than I love her right now, but only because my heart still partially lays with my wife. I really like this girl, and I just don't want to end up breaking her heart because mine sure is broken. Do rebounds last? I like this girl, and I can see myself going far with her, just there's that problem that I still have love for the girl who I married. :(

My wife took off. She had been looking into other guys and we've only been married for a little over a year and have one child. We had been going to counseling but she gave up. One of our mutual friends tells me she'd been trying to hook up with him for a while, but he never did. I wanted my wife back, but really I just want her back because she has our son. On topic though, I've met someone else, who is amazing. Shes carring, sweet, beautiful, and nice. I know she loves me more than I love her right now, but only because my heart still partially lays with my wife. I really like this girl, and I just don't want to end up breaking her heart because mine sure is broken. Do rebounds last? I like this girl and I can see myself going far with her, just there's that problem that I still have love for the girl who I married.

My wife took off about 2 months ago. I filed for divorce, and I have my son every weekend. And she's been trying to hook up with other guys, only one of them told me.

Answer 1

Dear Jova - How long has your wife been gone? You say you really only want her back because she has your son, then you said that you still love her. Of course you have a longing for your family to be whole, I understand that as I went through it too...but sometimes when someone mistreats us and withholds their love and attention it makes us want them more, strange as it is, that's human nature. It's the 'bad boy' theory in reverse...guys who treat women badly sometimes attract the most women. It sounds as if your wife was less than loyal and devoted...do yourself a favour and keep spending time with your new girlfriend, forget the ex who mistreated you and respect yourself by knowing that you deserve better. Just be honest with your new girlfriend and let her know that you're healing and that takes time, and also that no one can predict the future...a new relationship, especially when you're 'on the rebound' is a one-day-at-a-time thing...it is impossible to plan anything in the 'love' department when you're still confused about your ex. Your girlfriend knows you were married and needs to be clear on the fact that you need time...however, that time needs to be spent doing things that make you happy, and if you're having a great time together, then it's not too soon to be going out...but I think you should ease up on the 'serious' part for now. The only thing you should 'seriously' do is give up on your ex...she's obviously not worth a moment of regret. Having a civil relationship with her would be wonderful for your son's sake. For your sake, move on and enjoy where you are now.

Answer 2

Bummer story. It sounds like she never was mentally married. I hate to bring this up but are you sure he's yours? Yes its too early to get into another relationship. You have not had opportunity to get out of the last one. A broken marriage is much like a death in the family where grieving is necessary. This is not exactly grieving but you get the point. Get the divorce signed and sealed. Establish yourself in a single life again. Then you can pursue this woman freely and without guilt. If this girl is for you long term, she will understand that you cannot dive right in. If shes the one she'll wait for you to put your affairs in order. She needs to understand that you do not take your relationships lightly and you need to get over your wife. Given the wife's actions I imagine your hearts ripped out. One thing I do know is there is no way my wife takes off with my child. Go get a good lawyer and take back custody of your kid. You do not need to allow your son to be raised in that environment.

Answer 3

First of all and I'm not trying to be rude cut off the idea you have getting back together with your wife..From what you said she's not worried about it...It never to soon to move on and start a new relationship...Just tell the other woman all the facts of how you feel and take it from there....Your feeling for your wife will be there for some time to come>>>>>But life goes on...

Answer 4

Its common for hurtful feelings to be with you for awhile. Just take things slowly, in a natural progression. I'm more curious about your wife issue. You say she has full custody of your boy? Then she is also seeing someone who was a family friend? Mister, you have plenty on your plate and right now thinking about getting some from a new girl should be far from your mind. What I suggest is to take care of the divorce, your son, and yourself. If the girl your seeing doesn't stay then it wasn't meant to be.

Answer 5

If your heart is still broken, then it is too soon. If you know she loves you more than you love her, it is too soon. A good rule of thumb for rebound relationships (or any, really, for that matter!) is that you are ready when you are ready to try to meet HER needs and be there for her. When it becomes about how good you can make her feel instead of how good she makes you feel, you are ready.

She could be the one, just take it very very slowly. Explain to her that you really like her, but don't want to break her heart or make her feel like she was the "rebound girl" so you will go slow.

Answer 6

If any part of your heart or physical desire is still for your wife then it's too soon for anyone else and you wouldn't be playing fair to be with her. Have you tried www.familylife.com? You might find the site helpful. Keep in touch with your son but don't break the law because in my experience the consequences for that seem to be tougher for the men. Keep a journal for your son, as if he were there and you were talking to him. Believe it or not I encourage you to pray because I've seen incredible results.
Love is a choice, sex is a function. Choices are intentional.

Answer 7

You''re old enough to have a serious relationship when you feel that you can commit. You CAN commit to this girl right? Then do it! Leave your wife behind. Of course, it wouldn't be good for your kid to have two moms (it feels horrible) but would you rather have him grow up in a broken home? Or would you rather see him growing up with two sets of parents, but both sets are happy?
But what would I know, I've never been in one of these situtiations.
Hope I helped. Good lucj

Answer 8

You didnt say how long it was since you broke up. If you've found someone you like then go for it........but just take it slow and let it develop. it would be very easy to jump stright in, but take it slow and see where it goes. Good Luck you deserve someone nice!