Why would you allow your teenager to have sex if they are not married?

Question

Why would you not put the necessary restrictions or guidelines in their lives to keep that from happening?

Without reading all the answers: If you answered with an excuse of working, too busy, can't watch them 24 hours a day---then you're making excuses for you failures. Now.....what are the solutions.

When parents choose not to deal with the difficult issues, they just accept that their children will do whatever they will do. Why have children if you're going to let them raise themselves?

Answer 1

I wouldn't allow my kids to have sex... and me know about it. Some parents don't care cause thats the way they were raised... and they shouldn't have kids!!!

Answer 2

You can put restrictions and guidelines on any teenager and they WILL do what they want to do. You cant keep your teen cooped up in the house all the time or be with them by their side and follow their every move.. My parents were very strict (my senior year of high school my curfew was 8:00.) Im not saying every teenager is going to go out and have sex but the truth is a majority of them will. The more you keep them "grounded" the more they are going to rebel and go behind your back. I know because I was one of them. All you can do is talk to them and listen to them. The harder restrictions on them is probably going to be more trouble in the long run. Im not saying this about every teenager, just the majority.

Answer 3

I'm wondering what your real question is here. Most parents would not purposely allow this, but you sound like you're asking why we wouldn't keep a teenager under lock and key to keep them from possibly having sex. If that's what you mean, then I would just say that there is a certain point where you have to, as a parent, hope that you have given your teen the right messages, support, and values so that they can make good choices for themselves. It's not realistic to keep a teen from having any social life at all. If a teen wants to have sex, they will find a way to do it, short of locking them in their room.

Answer 4

Most parents are aware that alot of teenagers are doing it whether their parents are ok with it or not. I'm sure some parents figure if they "let" them and have a talk with them about how to have sex safly and to make sure they know what they are doing they can control the situation a little more. Parents will feel better and more aware if they know what their kids are doing. It's better to know the bad then to not know because then maybe you can help the teens be more safe about it or even talk to you when there may be a problem in which other teens doing it secretly would just go around the problem and make it worse.

Answer 5

No normal parent would allow, but at the end of the day, if a teenager wants to have sex they are going to do it behind your back anyway. I think it is just best to make sure they are advised on all the pro's and con's of what can and cannot happen. Tell them why it isn't a good idea. Also make sure they are educated on contraception and STD's. If a boy, also let him know the going rate for Child Support if he gets a girl pregnant.

Answer 6

You were a kid before. Just because you were an angel dosen't mean you kids will be. You made that decision when you were young to wait. But I'm sure you would have given it up if you had the chance. Anyway teach them the truth about sex and don't just try tp scare them. Tell them the facts. Tell your kids about your past experiances with relationships and peer pressure. Allow them to make those decisions on their own. If you choose to ignore the fact that they may be having sex or punish them for even thinking about and coming to u with questions then don't be surprised if they turn up with an std or baby!

Answer 7

I'm a 20 year old college student that is sexually active w/ my long term boyfriend. We've been together for a year, and we've both found it acceptable to have sex. This might not be kosher in some people's books, but we've found that it enriches our relationship emotionally and physically. This wasn't something that was up to our parents, we decided that it was ok based off our own moral standards.

I'm not ashamed of my sex life, and I have no complaints whatsoever. However, I really wish my parents tried to help me develop some personal, ethical beliefs about sex when I was younger. Instead, I was simply told not to have sex....And that it was a terrible wrong-doing if I did...It sounded like I was being handed a buncha cliche's...So, at age 14, it made the entire conversation illegitimate in my eyes. As a result, I never really developed serious thoughts on sex, I was just told to not have sex. So, I told them that I wouldn't do 'it' til marriage and that was that... I figured that I would just go by what they said, and never do anything sexual or have sex, but once the oppertunities rolled around......And I got away from their house, where the restrictions were........[and to houses where both parents worked].....

Perhaps if they tried helping me think seriously about things like what kind of reputation I'd want to live with, what I really wanted to be viewed and appriciated for, and the differences btwn 'emotional' sex and 'one night stand' sex, or sex w/ a boyfriend that you're not serious about [and the good and bad of all of it] then maybe I would have developed sexual moral at a younger age, sparing my ego later on.
But this wasn't the case, of course. My parents felt they were instilling the right beliefs in me, when really, it did nothing, b/c I wasn't being given the tools to think for myself.

So, my parents never allowed me to have sex, however, it resulted in my feeling too ashamed to talk to them if I did something minorly sexual, which lead me to lie to them, which then caused me to hide my fears and/or thoughts from them....Which basically resulted in a kid teaching herself about sexuality.

All in all, too many 'I will not allows' and 'These are the restrictions' may really hamper and not help. You want to make it so that if your kid does something, that they can still talk to you. Don't dictate what they should think, just try and lead them to the water...And leave the door open for them to come to rational and attainable desicions. Afterall, they're going to be curious, but really make them think about where the lines need to be drawn, and for whom....And why.

Answer 8

I don't think I would allow it, given the consequences of sex (their own kids, mental health strain, emotional problems that could stem from it, while they're still maturing as their own persona).

It's the parents' responsibility to guide kids in this definitely. I don't think I'd want my teenager to get married either, as that seems a little early to me (though I guess in the past, it used to be much more commonplace).

As for why 'anyone' would allow it-- it just seems irresponsible to me. Sometimes you can't control everything that happens to your kids, and that's OK, but at least giving them a proper understanding of what can happen from sex, etc. and trying to prevent it, seems like a better avenue than allowing kids, who may not understand the other 60+ years of their life could be drastically affected, to screw around uncontrolled.

Answer 9

It's not really up to a person what one's child does or doesn't do. Teenagers will do as they please. It is simply the parents' job to try their best to teach their children good morals and hope that they act in line with those morals. Pushing one's teenager to not have sex may in fact drive them towards it. Be supportive, be a good listener, and offer advice when they need it. Be someone they can trust and they'll be more likely to listen when you tell them they should wait to take this important step.

Answer 10

I wouldnt because sex is a completely natural thing and it is bound to happen anyway. Most of the time when parents dont allow their kids to have sex, they have sex but dont know about what type of protection they should use, and they can get into a lot more trouble than if the parents know.

Answer 11

allow them to, they r goin to do it no matta what u think and / or want the best thing u can do is educate them, give them the information they need, n make sure they have protection, its not like the old days when ppl waited to have sex til they was married, they will find a place to do it no matta what we want for them so to educate them n supply them with tools they will need to not get pregnant or STD's we need to help them perpare for all the things good n bad that come with sex..yes good n bad not just the bad. tell them the truth. if u have a health dept that offers the videos to teens then take them to it, it shows STD's n how use of protection can help to not get them, make sure u tell them that what they have is a gift n that they need to make sure they r givin the gift to someone special. but wake up this is 2006. they r having sex as young as 11 now boys n girls, dont be shocked u need to adjust to the times n educate educate educate.