ok hear goes,a few months ago i threw my b/friend out cos i got tired of his constant drinking,but my friends and family say i shoudnt have cos i still love him(i do} but i couldnt do it anymore, so i have had everyone telling me it aint possible wen i still love him,but at the end of the day i want more for my kids,he aint gonna change,i love him still but is it possible to be in love wi someone and not be together,my mum says no and my mates say no, also i must state we have a 3yr old daughter together,?? anyone please???
2006-06-30 11:53:52 · 25 answers · asked by Madonna 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
yes it is possible. you will always had a connection because of that love and because of your child. you have to love and want better for yourself. you know what? it's also possible to have a deep seeded care for this person and move on to another guy.
also, you love your daughter don't you? you lie down in front of an on-coming train to save her wouldn't you? does she deserve to grow up watching her mother settle for a guy who won't stop drinking to save his relationship? she deserves more and so do you, because basicly he is choosing his habit over you.
2006-06-30 12:00:13 · answer #1 · answered by onlylove41 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. It happened to me also. I have left more than one man when I was still in love with him. I've done it four times, for different reasons each time. The first one was like your boyfriend, and we have two daughters together.
The Beatles were wrong: "All you need is love" hahaha! And destructive or abusive relationships never work out. You are better off saving yourself and your child from as much damage as you possibly can.
Hearts are big, and they mend well. You can get over him, and you can love again. I am now happy and safe and loved and more in love with my husband (we've now been together for eight years, married for almost three) than I ever thought possible.
And never listen to ANYONE who tells you that you CAN'T do something! What they really mean is: THEY don't WANT you to do it...for whatever reason. If I had listened to everyone in my life who told me I couldn't do something, I would never have gotten anything done. And I've done A LOT of things---good things, for myself and others because of it!
You do what YOU think is RIGHT IN YOUR HEART, and you will be the better for it...and everyone else can get over it, and get lives of their own!
2006-06-30 12:15:32 · answer #2 · answered by Karen M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure, it's possible. Easy? NO! But if you are in an unhealthy relationship and the other person refuses to change, it would be in your best interest to end the relationship for the sake of your daughter - you don't want her exposed to that type of environment. It doesn't mean she never gets to see her dad again - you can ask the court for supervised visitation, if you are concerned about your daughter's safety when and if she visits her dad. I am proud of you for having the courage to realize that this is an unhealthy relationship for you. I left my ex-husband (he refused to get help for his drinking problem) when our son was 4 years old. At that time I had no job (I had been a stay-at-home mom), no money, and no place to go. I was fortunate enough to have a mother that was willing to let me and my son live with her temporarily. I lived with my mom for 1 1/2 years until I got a job and could afford to get a place of my own. My son is now 10 years old and sees his dad on a regular basis, although it is court-ordered that his dad not drink while my son is with him. Leaving my ex was one of the best decision I ever made - both for myself as well as my son. Hope this helps. Best of luck to you.
2006-06-30 12:16:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Certainly it is possible to sever a relationship and still love the person. If he has a drinking problem, it is affecting you and your kids emotionally, physically and financially. You need to do what is best for them and yourself, not what family tells you to do. Certainly listen to their input, but make sure they have all the facts before you follow advice cart blanche. If your boyfriend really loves you and the kids, he will seek help for his addiction on his own. If he doesn't, then let him go. You don't need that in your life.
2006-06-30 11:57:44 · answer #4 · answered by Georgia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to think through if its worth for you to separate with someone you really love. I must say its especially hard when you and him have a child. Maybe you should talk it through with him first. My ex was like that too but then I just accepted the way he is because I told myself I love him and couldn't let go. We didn't make it NOT because I couldn't stand his drinking and smoking but its him that cheated on me. Be a little open minded and that will only make your life easier because no one is perfect in this world.
2006-06-30 12:41:43 · answer #5 · answered by beltimore 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation several years ago...You have to ask yourself...who is more important? Your children or him...I was with him for 6 years...and in the last 2 years it was awful...he was always drunk...so I threw him out and had him arrested...then I moved out of the city...he wouldnt leave me alone...Now Im happy I made that decision...My children are better off ...In reality any man that drinks is only lookn for a way out of Reality...so why would you want to put urself and your kids thru all that???
2006-06-30 11:59:05 · answer #6 · answered by celine8388 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can still be in love with him even when you two have broken up. Before you even consider taking him back you need to make sure he gets professional help to solve his drinking problem. Get to the root of why he wants to drink so much. It could be just a simple habit or he could be depressed.
2006-06-30 11:56:59 · answer #7 · answered by Simmy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
loving somone is letting go . He has got to stop drinking first and hopefully before you stop loving him. Good for you for setting that boundary , plus this will help him to reach a bottom so he can quit drinking for good . As long as you stand by him while he drinks , Why should he quit , right? trust. You did the right thing.
2006-06-30 11:59:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it's possible and that's why love hurts.... I had to end a few very good relationships cuz of the samething but it's different wit u.....I don't have a kid 2 think about but she'll understand when she gets older.... Things happen ppl get hurt and we all have to learn to deal wit the pain.... Sorry that's life
2006-06-30 11:58:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can love anyone but if u can't have a future with that person, i personally think u should move on... but did u try asking him to stop drinking? may be u were little early to kick him out since u have kid together. kids need good parents for future...so i suggest u should ask ur bf to stop drinking and give him one more chance....
2006-06-30 11:57:21 · answer #10 · answered by answerer101 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋