Why do many gay people find it necessary to profess thier sexuality?

Question

I have recently shared space with several gay people and although I am a heterosexual, I found it interesting yet curious about why sexual orientation is so important that people must feel compelled to let their sexual identity be known without being asked. In most cases of my interactions with others, sexual orientation is not an issue.

Answer 1

You amswered your own question, in most cases its not an issue, these guys are probably used people having an issue with it so they get it out there right up front.

Answer 2

There are several things that I can say here.

The first is that for many people it isn't

The second is that it is to many straights -- close to a third of the country still believes that homosexuality should be criminalized and even many of our friends have some fear toward us...

The third is, honestly, you are from the majority. You know that everyone will "guess" your orientation correctly to start with. It isn't that people don't know you are straight because you don't mention it -- they know full well. To not be afraid, to know who you are is to declare yourself openly, just as straight people do, just by existing.

How simple it must be for you. If you are with a woman, and the two of you are alone, it is presumed that you are a couple -- you know that. People will give a certain respect and a certain berth. My partner of 15 years and I however are presumed to be something else -- roommates -- friends -- I actually just recently had a woman make an increasingly and almost grotesquely obvious attempt to pick me up while Jonathan and I were doing the month's shopping. It was uncomfortable, forceful and wincingly desperate. I finally had to call Jonathan "beloved" in her hearing no less than 4 times before she got the idea, followed by a horrified look, and rushed away.

Being part of the majority I think that part of it -- the simple fact that you benefit from society's expectation -- may be fairly invisible to you. We've had banks refuse us joint checking accounts (unless we were a business partnership), we had to purchase out home one county over from where I work (only 14 miles, but still) because the county in which we were going to buy still had laws on the books that allowed a bank to foreclose on property mortgaged by a homosexual (enforceable -- probably not, but not my test case); we've even had hotels refuse to give us a room with a King sized bed rather than two doubles -- saying that they were reserved for couples... in a transparent attempt to block homosexuals from staying at the establishment. None of those things would ever have happened if we had been a straight couple.

Some young ones need to tell you because they are uncertain and scared and they want to know that you will accept them -- and young may be older than you think. I've had two friends that I thought were straight come out to me in the last 2 months -- one is 25, the other is my age (38). Neither of them had had a relationship with the sex that they felt attracted to ever. Both were virgins with males. Both had experienced disastrous relationships trying to force themselves to be straight. So by young, I mean only recently fully out. Ones my age will tell you that only through our visibility will gay children 100 years from now truly have equal rights.

And they are just kids, the same as the real, live gay kids now, who want to just be equal and left alone, like everyone else -- are kids.

*hug*

I hope that helped.

Regards,

Reynolds
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 3

Because gay people live in a world that is vastly majority heterosexual. Therefor many gays and lesbians feel the need to get it out there right away so that the people they share space with do not make an incorrect assumption about themselves. Then no one asks embarassing questions like 'Oh? Do you have a girlfriend yet?" which is hard on both people as it then begs explanation as to why he hasn't. It's just easier to get it out of the way first and foremost.

Answer 4

I think in the case of seeking a partner, if a homosexuals doesn't know someone's (who they may 'like like') orientation but don't want to ask, they mgiht tell them their own orientation in hopes of the other person being homosexual too.

Straight people might also profess their orientation less because it's almost like it's not needed if you're straight. Most of society today automatically assumes that everyone is straight. So if you're straight, and you don't say you are, other people assume you are straight. If you're gay, and you don't say you are, other people assume you are straight.
And when you're hanging out with straight friends, whenever they talk about girls or ask you about girls, you have these options:
1. Avoiding the question
2. Lying
3. Having to think of an answer that doesn't involve lying and doesn't involve admitting anything
4. Tell them you're gay
Unless you lie, which might make you feel like a bad friend, you are making yourself seem weird or making you/others feel awkward. If one comes out to their friends, they can avoid this and if the friends respect homosexuality, continue being friends, and if not, the homosexual is better off without the 'friends'.

And of course, if gay people are proud of being gay, they like to show it and show they are proud of it, too.

Answer 5

Let me put it this way. The world is 'straight'. Everywhere you go, you see straight, straight, straight. When someone declares they're gay, it's not necessarily to get on your nerves or to make you uncomfortable. It's just a way for them to maintain a personal sense of uniqueness and to some extent, self-worth. If you think it's obnoxious when you say gay people throwing around their sexuality, think about how it would be like for a gay person living in a straight world. Gay people have to hear about straight people talking about their spouses and kids and who they went out with the other night. From a gay person's perspective, wouldn't they feel that straight people are throwing their sexuality in their faces? And it's not just about sex. It is about someone's identity and being. Believe it or not, your straightness has a lot more to do with other areas in your life than just who you sleep with. It often reflects your personality, your likes/dislikes, your hobbies, etc. It's just the same for a gay person.

Answer 6

It is because every other time, every other day, and every other situation they have to hear heterosexuals professing their sexuality. If you are straight you don't realize this because you are the majority. But gays are constantly bombarded with heterosexuality in all facets of our society (media, religion, family, government).

This question comes in many different forms. Some people will ask, "Why do we need an ethnic food aisle in grocery stores?" or "Why do we need to celebrate Black History month?"

If you are part of the majority (white, male, middle-class, and heterosexual) it is difficult to understand why members of the "others" need to profess their own identity. This is because our society revolves around what is comfortable and acceptable for the majority, and our society molds itself to the needs of the majority. In actuality every other day is "straight days" or "white days" or "male days." So when African Americans decide to choose one month of the year to celebrate their heritage, they are saying that "11 months of the year we celebrate whiteness. Lets choose one month to celebrate being black." Same goes for gays professing their sexuality.

Answer 7

I think that gay people that are proud of being homosexuals (such as myself) are.... proud and they let their friends know. I tell my friends of my sexual orientation so when they look on my myspace, or whatever the case may be, they wont be shocked.

Overall i think that we do think that others should know that we are what we are and that we are proud of it.

Another reason that i tell my friends is so they dont verbally abouse or insult gays in my presense. Or tell gay jokes.
Another reason i think that i tell my friends is because of an experience that i have come across is that i was best friends with a guy and then he found out"" that i was gay and then he never talked to me again without verbally abusing me.

In conclusion, telling others that you are gay keeps you from embarrassing mishapps or whatever!
~jon~

Answer 8

Well, I go to an all girls college and in my experience, I make it known so that it's no surprise down the road. Some people won't speak to you, or even come near you if you're gay. My reasoning is to just get it out the way, so that they can decided right then and there if they still want to be my friend or not. That, and so that they won't say anything offensive in my presence.

Answer 9

I agree with the answer that many straight people feel betrayed if they find out later. It is usually assumend that people are hetero unless stated otherwise. I try to leave subtleties just like anyone else- "my partner and I went there" My spouce and I had our wedding on our 19th anniversaray, when CT passed civil unions" etc, but not neccessarily, " Hi Im... and I am a lesbian"

Answer 10

Honestly, part of the reason people believe all gays have to profess their sexuality is because the only people you are POSITIVE are gay are the ones professing. I don't tell people unless they ask and since no one asks they just assume I'm straight.

Answer 11

perhaps being heterosexual you take for granted that everyone assume you are straight unless told otherwise....imagine being told and exposed to all kinds of negative remarks , insult and humiliation by the society you live in....eventually, there's some breathing room to be who you are(many political and social sacrifices taken place and still taking place). It's important to be who you are in the open.....you might not be the typical narrow minded people...but you are still the minority ....just look at these site alone..the amount of people who spew hate, slur and discrimination in the year 2006...tells you many of us still have not evolve......