My wife used to be fun and exciting but since we got married she has stopped trying. How do I get her back?

Question

She used to have fun and do exciting things i.e joy riding topless, making love in diffrent places. Now she doesn't even say I love you unless I say it first. I give to her all the time i.e foot rubs, cooking dinner for the family several nights a week even though I am the only one who works. She had 5 children before I married her, 4 live with us now. The oldest son watches the 4 year old twins throughout the day all she does is sit in our bedroom cross stitching and watching TV. I don't know if she gave up on the marriage or just life in general. The only person she seems to have time for is our 14 year old daughter. What can I do to bring life back into her, I love her dearly. Any ideas? I've tried to talk to her about this but she is always " too tired " Please help!! She hasn't even kissed me in 3 weeks, but she says she loves me whenever I threaten to leave

Answer 1

You can bet she doesn't enjoy being the person you have just described. Her world, has turned dark, meaningless and she has no idea why! I don't know how long she has been experiencing this "lost life"... but I would wager to say, you are probably in for a long haul. Thank God your such a caring and understand person, that loves "HER". I realize how hard it is on you. But you sound like your made of really strong stuff, so be patient. When a person is mentally sick, (and I don't mean she is crazy) they hurt just as bad as someone that is physcially sick. I really don't have a solution for you, but I think maybe I can shed a little light on what she is feeling. First off, for her not to want to come out of the bedroom, is in equavlent to a normal person taking on a mountain climb, everyday. It takes that much mental power for her to do normal things that is a breeze for normal people. I am sure she feels like her life is so complicated and not much of one, because of the quality of it right now. The best example I can tell you, it is in comparsion to a person being buried alive. Her mind and body still works, but she is mentally confined. Meds can help to a certain extent, and counciling wouldn't hurt, but to get her to go, would probably be next to impossible. This sort of mental "shut down" usually just has to run its course like a virus. Infact, the research I have done on this, tells me that she probably has a physical virus, and if you know virus's you know you have to let them run their course. She is caught between worlds actually. And the worst part is, she doesn't even have an idea what has happened for her to of gone from a free loving spirit, to a mentally and physically challenged disorder. Always include her in family things, but never get upset when or if she declines. Make sure the kids, each one of them, goes in to her and talks to her daily. You keep being the great person you are and allow her the time it takes to heal. Lean on God, and ask for his help and understanding. God knew what he was doing when he sent you to her! He knew it had to be a very special man, and you my friend are the chosen. Time and God will see you thru this. Bless all your family.

Answer 2

Hmmm im not an expert but I am married for one so maybe I can help. Joy riding topless and having sex in different places were my thing as well. (lol good times) But I've realized that when you have kids things change, you as a person change. You become more responsable as a parent. I use to not tell my husband I love you first because I felt that I said it too much so it lost the meaning. Also I like hearing it first, it makes it a bit more believeable. About you cooking and working just try something. Cook together... or dont cook at all. Just make sure the kids are fed. Nothing fancy or immaculate. About her sitting on her behind, (none of my business) is she over weight? is she depressed? Or my favorite just unmotovated? Now think about this next part, her relationship with her 14 year old daughter is it parent to child or best friend to best friend. if its the second one she needs to fix that. She needs to be a parent first the friendship will come later in life when the daughter is grown up and dosn't depend on your wife. About talking to her you have to do it. Even if she is too tired she is never too tired to listen. But I will tell you this. you have to be one hundred and ten percent honest, and make sure you get it all out into the open. if you dont there will be more problems to fix. hmmm Now if and when she did anything did you perhaps thank her? Women need that little extra attention. That acknowledgement helps i **** you not. So when you work this out make sure to mention everything she did and thank her. also this part isnt so pleasnt you might be telling only part truths here. I do not believe you tried hard enough, you might be a big softy. Next time if you threatin to leave mean it, and when she cries and begs talk then, explain how u feel. What you want to change. And if it dosnt you don't have to look back, there are more fish in the sea.

Answer 3

First off, don't threaten to leave. This only makes things worse and pushes her further away. This sounds like it could be a couple of things...depression, change of life, or something else. The first thing she needs to do is go see her doctor and find out what is going on because I'm betting this isn't the person she wants to be either. She is probably just scared and doesn't know what to do. She needs your support instead of you complaining and getting mad.

Answer 4

Maybe it was more of a thrill and excitement before because you weren't married? I know sex lives tend to tone down after marriage? Plus she's got a few kids, and I'm assuming you moved in with her and the kids. Maybe she is like that out of respect for her kids? THey don't need to know their mother gets busy and wild with the new 'dad'. Maybe take a vacation, can anyone watch the kids for a day or two? Just a weekend alone can rekindle any sparks.

Answer 5

try this a pat soft on the butt when you get home. sometime walk behind her rub the nape of her neck for a few seconds. A little hug now and then. Tell her when she looks good or cute. Include her in your conversions with other people. Ask her opinion on matters. Do the small things then you are off and running unless its to late. Do things with family also

Answer 6

i understand ur wife feelings. i had the same but i keep going. i always put my family first. but i am telling u all i want is to stay alone home in bed watching TV without seeing it. it is depression. when u have kids and much responsabilities at home, it kills u. working out is easier believe me. u see people, u speak , u have a life. working home, cleaning , cooking, nobody to speak with or to share with him ur feelings. and love is more depressing. u know u are not anymore the one ur husband fell in love wiht and u are afraid of the idea that he is meeting nice girls outside. ur wife feel tired because she has a lot to do and she has to be beautiful for u. she loves u but she is afraid not to satisfied u because she is tired..
go out once a week. tell her u want her to wear something sexy. let her feel like a teenager. go for dancing. go where u know she will find a peace of her life. laugh with her.
tell her she is the same u loved her. she needs a push. if u really care about her give it to her.

Answer 7

You need to set a time and someone to watch all the kids, and you need to get her full attention and sit her down with NOOOO distractions at all and tell her straight up how you are feeling and that she needs to tell you straight up whats going on or you are leaving, if you dont want to leave tell her that you will go stay somewhere eles for awhile untill she can start treating you like you are wanted around. You seem like you are doing ALLL the work. While she sits on her you know what!!! My husband loves me deeply and i love him deeply, he works his butt off at work and I stay home and take care of the house and the kids, and even on his days off I dont let him clean up anything. We both show eachother soo much love and he is great with my 2 kids and Im great with his 1 kid and we are all a family. Sounds like you need to step up and be a man and lay it straight or its not going to get any better.. sorry.. good luck!

Answer 8

I think she does seem depressed and maybe you need to find other ways to show you do love this woman. Maybe taking her out buying her flowers seems you do treat her well but try something new and then tell her you really enjoy the fun you use to have and be nice to rekindle that romance and get out of the same ole boring positions go for it and good luck!

Answer 9

there is something else going on in her mind.. Money problems? Death in the family? Your/her health? Living situation? She obviously has something going on in her life.. You need to find the source.. Maybe it is her past? Previous husband was horrible and now that she has her Knight in shinny amour she is confused and doesn't know how to handle it.. Whatever it is you need to find out Fast! Buy her the Book by Dr. Laura "The proper care and feeding of husbands" It will work wonders.. it will help her realize what she has.. good Luck!!

Answer 10

For the first few days, show her that you are interested in girls outside. And she will become interested to talk about your change, and then you should discuss your situation openly, she is your wife and there shouldn't be any problem to discuss these matters clearly and openly with her. I think this should work.