How long should I let my 9 month old son cry?

Question

My 9 month old son has pretty much slept with me since we came home from UCLA. I would like to get him to at least take his naps in his crib during the day, but he can't seem to stop crying or take his naps. He use to take 3 naps a day (up to his 5th month) - now it's zero!! How long should I let him cry before taking him out of his crib??

Answer 1

I think that there are better and gentler ways of helping him get to sleep. Putting a baby down and making him cry because he wants his mama isn't the only way to get him to sleep - during the day, at night, naptimes, ever. My daughter is 10 months old and yes, we sleep with her. She is a happy well adjusted outgoing independent child and I think this has everything to do with the fact that we respect her needs. She needs her parents, she needs to be comforted to sleep, etc etc. When you let a baby cry, you are teaching him that his only way of communicating (which at this point is crying) is not effective, and he can thus lose confidence in his ability to communicate his needs to you. On the same note, he can also lose trust and confidence that mama is there for him - since when he needs you the most (when he is crying) you leave him alone. I just dont think it is the best way - there are much better ways.

Something that many people have done is push the crib up against the bed. That way he is still close to where he is used to sleeping, and it's not a harsh - "into the crib and now i'm going to leave you alone to cry your little heart out". For me, I just let my daughter sleep in our bed for naps as well - she sleeps sounder, and I can escape much easier to go off and do whatever it is that I decide to do while she is napping.

On that note, Ferber, the man who "wrote the book" on letting babies "cry it out", eventually actually revoked his statements about letting babies cry, and admitted that it is not beneficial for their physical, emotional and developmental health to let babies cry themselves to sleep. Obviously, when you see how many people on here still do it, the damage has been done, but please consider what I am saying - most experts do NOT believe it helps a baby in the long run, sometimes it doesn't work at all, and think about it - it's hard to hear him cry for a reason. We are programmed biologically to answer our babies cries. We're ignoring our instincts when we let them cry without helping them. And I just don't think that will get us very far.

Answer 2

That's hard. we have a 9month old that will ONLY sleep with me ON me. Our ped. said when we're ready to sleep train her to start with naps for 3 days to 1 week or so, letting her cry no more than an hour. Then the same at night. Now, if the baby is fully asleep and wakes up crying in middle of the night go right to him. Good Luck!

Answer 3

You should never let a baby cry it out. See Dr Sears for more on that.

But, there are tricks to sleeping in the crib without the tears! SOme babies like to be totally asleep before you lay them down. Others like to be partially asleep. Either way, make sure you are holding him the way you'll be laying him down. If you have to rearrange arms and legs, he'll wake up. Slide your hands out slwoly. Maybe leave a hand under him for a sec first.
With my daughter, I found that if I lean into the crib over her and keep my face near hers and breathe on her hair or face, she will comfort.
Also, since your son is mobile, you can try laying him on his tummy or side. Some older kids just fall asleep better that way. You could also try scenting his blanket by wrapping yourself in it and sleeping in it a few nights. Some moms wrap their babies in their nightshirt from the night before. The smell comforts them.
Try some other sleeping locations. You could rearrange the room. My daughter will sleep in the stroller. It's a little strange to roll her through the house, but I can get things done this way. Some kids sleep in their swings or car seats during the day. Whatever works.

Answer 4

During this age, they begin to go through a type of separation anxiety. With my daughter (8 months), if I know she's tired, I'll put her down and let her cry for 10 - 15 minutes. If she is still awake and going full blast, I'll get her up and hold her (not talking to her, just bouncing or rocking her) and maybe give her a little bottle with some water. When she starts getting the sleepy look again, I'll put her down again. This time for at least 15 minutes. Eventually, sleep will come, but I know it's hard to hear them cry. Really though, sometimes they just need to cry to burn off excess energy. Good luck, mama!

Answer 5

You should definetly put him on a routine. make sure he gets at least one nap a day. If you know he isnt in pain, is safe, isnt hungry, and doesnt have a soiled diaper, try laying him down around noon for a mid nap. It wont hurt to let him cry. My daughter used to cry 3 or 4 hours, but just keep going in and reassuring. As long as you know hes okay, and as long as he gets used to it, everythings okay. But naps are important for babies.

Answer 6

i have made the same mistake of starting the co-sleeping habbit. it's a hard one to break. i have yet to break it with my 11 month old. i do know that you have to do the all or nothing. you can't confuse them with sometimes in the crib and other times in the bed. you pretty much just have to dive into it.. i hear it takes about a week of crying and then they get adjusted. this is the very reason i have yet to start having my son sleep on his own. i can't stand to hear him cry, it breaks my heart. other suggestions i have gotten on non crying methods is waiting still they fall asleep then transfering them over to the crib. so they get used to waking up in the crib and enventually get used to sleeping all together in their crib.. it's a hard process, good luck!

Answer 7

HEY GIRL! I HAVE 2 KIDS OF MY OWN AND THEY R BOTH BOYS! I KNOW EXACTLY HOW U FEEL. MY OLDEST USED TO BE LIKE THAT. HE WOULD CRY AND CRY. I USETO GET IRRATATED AND GIVE INTO PICKIN HIM UP! BUT THEN I LEARNED THAT THE ONLY WAY THEY WILL LEARN IS TO CRY AND CRY TILL THEY FINALLY GO TO SLEEP! IT'S THE ONLY WAY! AND THE BAD PART WAS CAUSE I WAS BREASTFEEDIN HIM. NOW THAT WAS A PAIN! I KNOW THAT U DON'T LIKE HEARIN UR SON CRY BUT THAT IS ABOUT THE ONLY WAY U CAN GET IT DONE. IN PLUS IT'S GOOD TO LET BABIES CRY IT HELPS THEM DEVELOP GOOD LUNGS. WOOOOOOOOOO AND DO MY BOYS HAVE GOOD LUNGS. YEAH SOME PEOPLE MAY SAY " DAMN, UR MEAN TO UR KIDS" WHEN IN REALITY U R HELPIN THEM LEARN AND GROW!!! SO NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY JUST LET UR KID BE. HE WILL LEARN SOON ENOUGH! HOPE I HELPED U OUT! TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

You need to get him used to the crib first, before trying to get him to go to sleep in it on his own. I recommend trying setting him in it a little at a time, let him play in it for a few minutes at a time or even getting him to sleep first then putting him in the crib. Once he realizes it's okay, then it will be easier for you to get him to sleep in it.

Answer 9

you don't, he will go to sleep at some point, next you move him into the crib for all sleep, at night also, ( and should have long ago ** sorry) It will take him crying sometimes several hours at night and several nights of several hours, and he will stop crying and start sleeping in his crib.

Answer 10

Never ever let him cry...

It breaks the trust between you two. You run the risk of becoming desensitized to the cues of your infant, especially when it comes to letting baby cry it out. Instead of helping you to figure out what baby's signals mean, these training methods tell you to ignore them. Neither you nor your baby learn anything good from this. Follow your heart.