Can he really be the one if we disagree on something so important?

Question

If two people are perfect for one another besides the fact that they disagree on when they should get married, can they really be right for each other? We have been together for a long time and have both said that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. He feels like we should still wait (he's 24 and I'm 22). I think that if we already both know that we want to marry each other, there is no reason to wait. So, do I wait for him to be ready and put my own feelings aside or does this mean that we really aren't meant for each other?

For LOL:
It's not about being young. It's about being mature enough. You might be 45 and still not ready because you are too immature. I, however, am only 22 but vastly more mature than you. Thus, maturity is much more important than age when deciding to get married.

Answer 1

Well, either you put your feelings aside for him, or he does it for you. One of you will feel akward or upset either way. However, if you marry too quickly when he's not ready, that's something that might come back to bite your marriage in the ***....More so than you worrying about why he didn't marry you sooner than later.

I think you need to respect his decision. Not marrying now doesn't mean that he thinks you might not be the one. Bear in mind one of the scariest days of a man's life is the day he gets married. Men are very different than woman when it comes to this. [Men are typically alil more emotionally immature than woman. They're 24 yrs old, but 19 emotionally. It doesn't mean they can't have a great relationship, it just means they don't know how to handle adult things like marraige yet.] Also, there might be a perfectly good explanation for his hesitation, but you have to show willingness to listen to how he feels w/out letting your emotions get the best of you. Maybe this is why he isn't ready yet, b/c you're pushing the issue which could be scaring him more. Have you asked him why he isn't ready, or why there is any uncertainty? Maybe you should do this, and back off a bit too.

Questioning his love and your relationship b/c he won't marry you might actually have him questioning whether or not you really love him or if the relationship would really work b/c of the way you're taking offence to his hesitation....Especially if you're pushing him when he obviously feels uncomfortable [he might think it's alil insenitive on your part.] Besides, how often are you going to be this impatient and push him hard like this to make other big life desicions? Maybe if you show more patience w/ him he'll be ready sooner than later. Don't push him too hard, he probably is the one. Be sensitive to his male fears. Like said, men are different than woman w/ this.

In essence: Good things come to those that wait.

I found a really good article for you to read, and maybe you'll feel a bit better:

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=97920&page=1

& 1 more:

http://www.boundless.org/2002_2003/departments/beyond_buddies/a0000687.html

"Most [men] also assumed they would find that special someone by the time they were ready to get married. "

Answer 2

I used to want to get married at 22 and if my g/f at the time had been ready, I would have. But now, looking back, I realized that I wasn't quite ready. The right person will agree on you about everything that's important to your relationship. Of course you will disagree about what restaurant is better or how far apart your kids should be, but the major stuff shouldn't be an issue between the two of you. I don't consider WHEN you get married to be a major issue.

But here's what I would do

1. If you both want to get married, but he's wanting to wait, he probably wants to wait either until he's 100% sure(which should give you more security when it comes) or he's waiting till you stop bringing it up so he can wait a few months and surprise you. Maybe he wants to be financially ready. Just because you are ready in your relationship doesn't mean all the ducks of your life are in a row. So be patient. If I were you, I wouldn't bring it up again. The more you bring it up, the more stress you put on your relationship, and the further you push him away. Don't learn that the hard way.

2. If you really want to get married now, and you move on to someone else cause you decided he wasn't the right one, then you''ll be starting all over again and possibly not get married for another 4 or 5 or 10 years. Don't burn your bridges unless you're sure. You'll just be screwing yourself by losing the perfect guy for just one small reason.

You've got plenty of life to live. Have fun and don't think about marriage till he asks you. Don't ruin a good thing. Laugh about the good stuff and cry when you miss him. Besides. You need to both be ready for your marriage much more than you could possibly imagine. It's going to be the hardest year of your relationship, and it needs to be strong enough to make it through that year. You'll be living together, learning all this new, gross, and annoying stuff about each other. You'll have new money problems, new life decisions to make, to much time togther, and all this at the same time. Enjoy dating while you can. You'll be glad you did!

Answer 3

Here's my best answer. I'll try to keep it short, but I won't succeed.

There is no "one". There is a huge pool of guys out there, and there is a small subset of those guys who fall within the range of "I'd be willing to put up with him for a lifetime", and a somewhat larger subset who fall into the "I'd hit it" range.

So he's not the "one"; he's the one of the "keeper" subset that you've managed to find, and there are others.

Now, as to your question: OF COURSE HE MIGHT STILL BE A KEEPER. Goodness gracious, the exact date of your marriage isn't an important thing, and the fact that you think it is suggests that you in fact are not ready to get married yet.

Here are some important questions, that should throw a red flag on the wedding plans if you don't agree with each other:

- Do you want kids?
- Do you believe in open relationships?
- Do you use drugs/drink heavily/smoke?
- Do you believe in spanking your children?
- Do you believe in God?

THOSE are important questions, because they address things that impact your entire lives, and your life together. The date of your wedding? That's NOTHING.

Let me break it down for you...

You're 22, he's 24. You're both convinced you should be together for the rest of your lives, and let's say that's going to be somewhere around 80.

If you get married now, you'll be married for approximately 58 years, and together for 58 years -- however, if you realize you've made a mistake once you've gotten married, you'll have to get a divorce.

However, if you get married in -- oh, let's throw caution to the wind -- four years, you'll be 26 and he'll be 28. You'll be married for approximately 54 years. Yep. Doesn't seem like that big a difference now, does it? And hey, look at this -- you'll still be TOGETHER for 58 years, because you're together NOW. Not being married doesn't change that.

So gee whiz, if that's your only relationship problem -- the DATE -- let it go, have a few more years of making sure it's going to last, and then you'll be able to look back on it when you're 80, and you probably won't even remember the year you got married by then.

Answer 4

This is not easy stuff - wow are you impressed yet? But seriously life and especially life partnering is complex - I want to tell you that one of the most damaging myths is that there is a "Mr or Mrs" RIGHT ONE - there are way too many people out there to believe that only one is right for you - it is true that only a few will match you "perfectly" but hoping doesn't make a difference on the other person, only you are affected by hope, in so far as that it helps you with a commitment. Prayer for example will not necessarily change things but it invariably will change you. All the virtues of life are valid, like honesty and integrity and trust and the list is quite long as well as common and not difficult to know as compared to living up to it. There will be disagreement on other things if there is disagreement on something as basic as waiting or not but you have to make the choice no matter what. Even when you are faced with a cliff in front of you and a bear chasing you, there is choice - jump or wait - it seems silly but not necessarily obvious - you would be surprised to know that basically half choose the opposite to what you would choose. Think about it - I am a priest and I have heard it all+

Answer 5

"are perfect for one another" What a bunch of 22 year old ****!

Name the guy that you first told your mom that you couldn't live without. You were sure that he was the one! You'd absolutely die if you two couldn't be together. "Why don't they understand that this is true love?" Remember that? Feeling stupid now? Probably not because this is different. Remember this posting in the event that you two do end up getting married because the likely hood of you two being together for a long time isn't in the cards. So in the future I predict that you Will think back and tell one of your friends about this post and say "I should have listened to LOL!"

Answer 6

I got married young and now i wish i had waited until i was older. I thought i was mature enough/ready at the time... but i what i didn't realise then was that as women we change a lot in our early twenties.. and as we learn more about ourselves we learn more about what we want in a partner. If the two of you are meant to be then waiting a couple more years won't change that, but giving yourself time to grow and to let your relationship grow can only mean having a better chance of not ending up part of the divorce satistics.. whatever happens i wish you all the very best..

Answer 7

For such a serious committment, you both are kind of young. I think that if he otherwise seems so perfect for you, the mature thing to do would be to wait until he is ready also. For one thing, no one wants to be brow beat into marriage. For another, if he wants to wait, he may just take marriage very seriously and want to make sure that you two will truly last forever. In that case, he's looking at it with maturity and wisdom. Don't rush him, wait for him. If he is truly meant for you, it shouldn't be any problem to wait for him, should it?

Answer 8

Before I got married, my then boyfriend and I had a disagreement on timing too. I was ready but he wasn't. Not mentally but financially. He was saving for an engagement ring but wanted it to be a surprised. After years of being patient, I thought I would need to rethink the decision and then he popped the question. I knew I was going to marry him when we first dated. I was 21 then. But got married at 26 and time is just a small factor.

Does he know your concerns or doubts? Good to talk it out and clear the air before any misunderstanding happens. It's easy when couples don't communicate. I always hid my true feelings but now I speak my mind. It takes years of practice but better to start early than late.

Good luck to ya!

Answer 9

Why is it so important? You say there is no reason to wait.....but is there a reason to rush?.......do you want him to marry you if he's not ready? ......then what?.....will he resent you later because he married you and felt forced into it before he was ready.....will you then wish you had waited? I THINK SO! You are both young, enjoy your relationship....its not about pressuring the other person to do things they are not ready to do. Im sure he loves you deeply....he has been totally honest and up front with you....respect him for this. Back off and I'm sure it will end up happy. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Awww sorry that you are going through this. These things are hard.
First tough love: He is the one holding off on wanting to marry you. So he might not be sure

No the Kind words: All may be okay. I was going through the same thing with my guy and when we really sat down and talked about it, we had two different perspective on marriage.

He thought that as soon as you get engaged you have to get married in a year, buya house then have children

I was like hold on. We can be engaged for a while then get married and plan for the rest later.

You ay just be in the same boat. Just sit him down and talk to him. I bet it is just like my situation.