How do I get rid of this bastard???

Question

Ok I made a huge mistake a few years ago I had an affair with my husband's close friend (we were not married then, but were together) . I never told my husband and I regret it, it was a terrible thing to do. The problem is, I have grown to hate the guy I had an affair with because he used me and betrayed his friend. I know its kind of hypocritical but I can't stand the way my husband likes and trusts this guy, I feel like just telling the truth because I want this guy out of our lives, I can't stand the sight of him!!! What should I do? You can be as nasty as you want about me, I deserve it, I just want to know what to do next.

Answer 1

Heres what I think..... I think you are racked with guilt every time your husband and his friend are together, talking laughing whatever..... Your motive for telling your husband that you cheated behind his back, maybe selfish. You are the only one suffering as a result of this, and your suffering is understandable. But why would you want to ruin the friendship between these two men?

Why dont you consider living with your guilt, and leaving the two guys alone. Your husbands friend cheated too, but let him live with it. The only person to get hurt if you spill it out now, is your husband. The only person who will feel better, is you?? Now what do you think you should do ??

Answer 2

You can't stand looking at him, cause he makes you remeber what you and him done. Every time he comes around, it a way of showing you the past. Your husabnd likes and trust him, cause he is his best friend.
But if you told your hubby what happen, then that will changes the trust between them. You should never had slept with another man. You had stab your relationship in the back with your husband. He as well, had stab his friendship with him too.
When your hubby finds out, you both are going to get what is coming. To get rid of this guy, you need to talk to him. Tell him , you don't feel comfortable with him around. I don't see how he can be all buddie with your husband, and knowing he slept with his wife before they got married.
If that don't work out, only way to end it is to tell him your secret. Then you only to go thru so much turmoil and hatred. Then if you want the marriage to stay, then get help by getting some therpy.
also he could keeps coming around, is that he not done with you. Maybe he wants to rekindle what ya'll done back then. Maybe he wants to have you, and he could be in love with you.Then again, the reason you can't stand him. Is that deep inside, you still have feeling for him too.

Answer 3

Girl eaither way I think the both of them need to be told straight up. If you dont tell your man then if you man and the other guy ever get into a fight later on in life it will come out. And your husband is not going to like hearing it from his best bud first. But I honestly think you should be honest, and go from there. Or your just going to worrie about this forever and one day the truth is going to come out. And it would be alot better if it came out now. Not to be mean hun.. but you made your bed now you have to make it. Honesty is what is best here and im sure that is what the Lord would want you to do too! Good luck hun!

Answer 4

your punishment is to keep it to yourself but this guy is exploiting your awkward situation. you'll just have to avoid him and if your husband asks why just say you don't like him but say no more. otherwise you'll have to tell your husband and face further consequences. this is why affairs are so destructive. you may have to leave and start a new life. only you know what is easier for you to tolerate. perhaps because you weren't married then your husband may forgive you but as it's been so long it will make him feel like a total fool. i think you feel bad about yourself and this guy reminds you of that. people shouldn't be nasty to you just cos you've made a mistake. you can only avoid this guy. so when hubby spends time with him just say you want him to have time with his friends without you or something. this guy has no dignity or respect and will eventually do something else to screw up. just hold on and you'll see.

Answer 5

I think you should just leave the guy alone. As long as he is not trying to blackmail you or wreck your relationship with your husband. Let sleeping dogs lie Stay out of his friendship with your husband work on being civil with him hellos and goodbyes with nothing in between. If you are feeling guilt, test the waters with your husband to see whether you can let him know what has occurred between the two of u previously just make sure its not in a moment of anger. It is bad that you did not tell him something of such gravity but then it is understandable as well. Secrets are not always a good thing in relationships.

Answer 6

First off let me state the obvious - you know what the best policy is - honesty - it is a simple solution but as you well know it is not easy - that which faces us never is easy when it is worth anything - let me tell you, been there done that - yes even pastors are human - it has helped me immensely to understand the human condition - still doesn't make it easy but does clarify some of the WHY question. Please feel free to ask me more in reflection - glad to hear how it goes - blessings+

Answer 7

First of all, there is no need to tell your husband unless you are feeling guilty about it and want to get it off your chest. But the truth is, it will only cause hurt and pain, I suggest keeping this "secret"....a secret. I would tell the "friend", it's time to back off because being around him makes you REALLY uncomfortable.

Answer 8

Dont beat yourself up; its far too late to tell your husand now if you want to keep his trust. Just treat this man as you would any of your husands friends that you dont like!!! He used you and betrayed his friend???Well, hon, it took two to tango, and I think you are just both tarred with the same brush, so all you can do is just let it go and get it out of your system before it makes you all bitter and twisted!!

Answer 9

Come clean to your husband, suffer the consequences, and pray for the best. Either way it turns out the guy will be out of your life...possibly both of them. But at least you'll be able to move on with the rest of your life that way.

Answer 10

You come across alot of people that will want to dis you, drag you down or even ruin your realtionship, simply because they are jealous, not jealous because you have something you want but just jealous because they cant have it. Maybe getting a court order to get him away from you will prevent provoking you and your husbands privacy. Its clear that he wants to make your life a misery, so instead of playing by his rule of game, play it properly and call the cops.