i left my wife after 11 yrs and 3 children . i have been with my partner for 10 yrs . my problem is the guilt is stopping me going forward . there is not a day goes by that i do not think of my family you see i left the uk 10 yrs ago and now live in tenerife . i vist about 2 times a year .thats all i ask is to be happy but my past stops me going forward because i feel so bad about leaving etc .
2006-06-30 08:24:31 · 15 answers · asked by dave p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Visit your grandchild. Whether you are gay or not does not stop you from being a grandparent. Who writes the rules anyways. Hell, visit your family. Just because you are gay does not mean you should drop off the face of the earth. Being a part of that child's life may mean the difference between unjust prejudices. Besides, you will miss out on so much love you would be a complete fool not to share it.
2006-06-30 08:29:33 · answer #1 · answered by pamela h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sense from reading your comments that you are somewhat shamed of your homosexuality. This takes the form of what would the cousins (or uncles and aunts) think. After 10 years it is no mystery to your family why you left. Visit your new grandchild and your children, bring your partner too. You are depriving yourself and your partner of a wonderful experience: being grandparents. It is time your children met someone so important in your life. It is time for you to make up for lost time.
Being a grandparent is a wonderful thing: it is our excuse as a society to spoil children. Love makes a family and with one new member it is a good time to embrace a second. With the acceptance of your adult children you all will be moving forward.
Plus, recognize that Western society has moved forward since the 90's. This is especially true in Europe where people don't seem as uptight about sexuality as in the US. You'd be right to think that there is a core of people who are opposed to homosexuality. Tradition, religious beliefs and shame share a role in this on their part. But in most families, this will be far outweighed by the support of loving members.
Take the time, too, to apologise for whatever guilt you are feeling. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You've become a (man/ woman) without me and I'm proud of you. And, I'm shamed I wasn't there to help... I want to be here now for you... and your children. Will you forgive me?" Your children may feel they've created a family without you. Ask to join it. These acts will ease your soul and open the communications to much blossoming.
Reading between the lines, it sounds like a confession, like the one above, will heal your soul. It sounds like you recognize you were not there when you were needed.
If your family in Britain or Ireland includes a son, I can't emphasize how much it will mean for him to be recognized as a man by his da.
2006-06-30 12:32:43 · answer #2 · answered by Patrick B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what you dont have a problem with who u are and its you sexuality. You are who you are and your happy with what you have now. I am sure that you can be a granfather and by the way better than any grandfather in the world because you have both sides the masculant and the feminine side. U will be the best grandparent ever you can offer so much to a child and your relationship with him. You left and I am sure your children can understand the reason behind it. Talk to them tell them that no matter how far you are you feel the guilt and its killing you. Tell them that no matter what you always love them and that it would mean the world to you to be a part of your grandchildes life.
2006-06-30 08:35:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No-one should be made feel guilty for being themselves. I don't know if you feel bad for leaving or if its your family who put the guilt trip onto you. If you are happy with who you are that's all that matters. Living in Tenerief you still manage to visit twice a year which is more than most so you are making the effort. Just enjoy the time you spend with your grandchild and stop putting yourself down. Be happy love life, its too bloody short x
2006-06-30 08:48:20 · answer #4 · answered by Jade B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on becomming a granddda. That is awsome. I do not think you should feel
guilty for leaving. You made a choice as long as you are happy that is all that should matter. Do not stop going forwad you should still be a part of your familys life. They should be able to accept you for who you are and love you anyway...I don't think being gay is a reason to not stay in touch with your family. Let the baby know you completely and in the end he/she will be happier because you were honest with them from the begining. Good luck in what ever it is you decide.
2006-06-30 08:30:59 · answer #5 · answered by dolphin29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Iam a gay male from the UK so maybe I'm biased,however as long as you keep in regular contact with them then you have no reason to feel guilty,if you feel you've done the right thing.
When your Grandchildren are old enough to understand the situation fully then I'm sure they will understand how you felt/feel.
We all have misgivings in our lives & sometimes these misgivings cannot always be reconciled,but you have to try anyway.
At least if you stay in contact with them through Mail,Telephone ,visits etc,and remember Birthdays & xmas then you will have done your best.No one can ask anymore of you than that.Good luck!.
2006-06-30 17:51:55 · answer #6 · answered by terry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can`t help how you feel, all relationships have problems,but you can`t live in the past or change it.Learn to go with it and don`t expect too much.
Be happy with what you have now,guilt is a very destructive force,like resentment and rejection.
Don`t let this cloud your relationship.You did`nt say whether you get to see your family when you visit,but stop feeling sorry for yourself and concentrate on your happiness now. Good luck.
2006-06-30 08:49:58 · answer #7 · answered by AMANDA G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother is gay. He used to be married and has three grown up children, two of whom don't want to know him any more. He has just found out that his son's partner is pregnant and he will soon be a Grandad. He's very sad as he knows he will never see his grandchild. However, he has managed to stop feeling guilty and has accepted things. I wish you all the best.
2006-06-30 08:37:47 · answer #8 · answered by teisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this day & age there are many families with both parents the same sex. Write to your family & let them know how much you miss them & how happy you are about the baby.
Tell them you are in a happy, stable relationship & would love to see them. Enclose photos of you & your partner & a note of your address. This puts the ball in their court & allow them to contact you if they wish to.
I think, especially, the child who has just had the baby will understand your feelings towards the family & will be in touch.
Good Luck. Let us know when they get in touch.
2006-06-30 08:32:05 · answer #9 · answered by monkeyface 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sensitively putting all the massive feelings and complications aside, you made your choice. Now you've gotta just do the best you can to be the best graanddad you can. Sometimes, we can't have everything and that's just the hard cold truth.
2006-06-30 08:45:29 · answer #10 · answered by antfaz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋