I can't stop crying because I feel like my husband doesn't even love me or our daughter?

Question

I mean, he feeds her and bathes her and sind=gs to her, but he's not like the "super daddies" that ball their eyes out at the birth of their babies and from then on ane mush in their babies sight? I just make her feel special because I don't want his lack of sensitivity hurting her. He makes me sick, and I wish I had a sensitive man.

Answer 1

He sounds like an interested father.
You have to give him that.
Not all fathers cry and gush over the birth of their children.
You're lucky he feeds, bathes and sings to her.
Some fathers don't even dot that.
Just because he didn't cry doesn't mean he doesn't love you or your child any less.
I don't think he makes you sick......
You're just a little disapointed.

Answer 2

He's not rough with her is he? Some dads (and moms, occasionally) just don't "get into the swing of things" until the baby gets older and becomes "fun" for them (starts babbling, crawling, playing, etc.) Unless he treats her badly or concerned for her safety when he's around, I wouldn't worry "too" much about this. You didn't mention how old your daughter is, but if she's newborn and you've recently given birth, this could be partly hormonal on your end. I'm not insinuating that you're overreacting, but up until about 6 months post-partum, you still have pregnancy hormones circulating through your body and doing a number on you and your emotions. I remember after my first son was born, I would hold him at night and watch TV with him sleeping in my arms and cry at dogfood commercials. LOL

If you're truly concerned, you might want to try talking with him (if you haven't already) and see if he thinks it's a problem and if he might want to try some type of therapy/counseling with you.

Also (not to scare you) it could be post-partum depression. I've never had it, but I understand it's not pleasant.

Answer 3

Sounds like you are suffering Post Partum Depression. See your doctor. IF he is bathing and singing to her, he is a super daddy. A lot of men won't go that far. If he is really a jerk, what does that say about you. Jerks or the art of becoming a jerk takes a very long time. Why did you not determine this before you slept with him. If he is sensitive enough to take care of you and your daughter, then get help for yourself. Seek counseling for you both.

Answer 4

If your baby is pretty new, do you think it's possible you're suffering from post-partum depression? It sounds like you might be taking some of your pain out on your husband. His reaction shouldn't be a suprise to you...if you've married him you should have at least an idea of how he reacts to things. Feeding, bathing, and singing to his baby is a lot more than a lot of fathers do. I hope you talk to your doctor before you let this ruin your family...this should be a special time for all of you.

Answer 5

Not all men react the same and from my experience and talking with my friends... Fathers don't "bond" with babies until about 6months.. I'm not sure how old yours is? Mothers have bonded from the time they were in our belly, a man doesn't get to experience that. Also it may be that he is overwhelmed at the "responsibility" aspect of it.. And he may feel left out, like you have this little person in your life that is more important then him. Give it some time,it doesn't sound like he is a bad father and if you just had your baby remember your hormones are CRAZY for a while. I'm sure she is going to be Daddy's little girl and the apple of his eye.

Answer 6

SadMama.. Be grateful you have a loving man, men in general are not always, as mushy as we are. Seeing other men weepy eyed and soft when there children are born, is a sweet and loving side. But just because your husband doesn't do that, doesn't mean he doesn't love her. You've got your self a wonderful man & a loving daddy for you little girl.

Try not to exspect him to love her the way you do, you gave birth to her.

And don't worrie about his lack of sensitivity hurting her, dads are suppose to be tuffer than us mommys.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Girl this is your third post about your husband not crying when your daughter was born. Have you thought about therapy? Seems like you cant let this go and you really need to. Be glad you dont have a cry baby little boy in your life who doesnt want anything do with your daughter. Wake up and see whats in front of you. And get help. This is a form of depression and it can get worse!

Answer 8

Be glad he bathes, feeds, and sings to her. When a man does that......it's love. Most men leave that all up to the woman! A man can't be perfect, and this "super daddie" that you are imagineing almost doesn't exist. You may be wanting him to live up to an image that isn't even real. It seems like from reading your other posts that you are really hung up on this. Perhaps you need to contact your OB doctor about possible post pardom depression.

Answer 9

Have you ever heard of Yin and Yang? Two totally opposites, but balancing each other perfectly? I'm sure that he has other good qualities that your daughter will benefit from. It's okay that he's not a crier. Not all men cry. Sometimes when there is lack of emotion, you can see the big picture better and see a solution easier. You two are a team. One is good at catching, and the other is good at throwing. It will be okay.

Answer 10

Here is the best advice I can give you: please, don't give up so easily! I know from experience that it is much easier to obsess over hurtful moments than to face them through action. It would probably help you to ask your hubby what was going through his head when your baby was born. It's not just you-- we all should be more careful about jumping to conclusions about others' emotions; only they can tell you what they were truly feeling, and us assuming these things from the outside is dangerous.

We all show our emotions in different ways, and if another person shows theirs in a different way than we tend to, we may not recognize them in that foreign form, right? I know from experience-- the two most important men in my life, my dad and my boyfriend of 3 yrs, both show their love through actions. They do favors, fix things, make things, bring home things they think will interest me-- and this sounds just like your baby's daddy.

It took me a while to realize that love comes in different forms. How did I finally learn this lesson? Communication, and a sincere (and surprisingly difficult) effort to dwell on the good rather than the bad. (In our cases, this translates into focusing on what they do rather than what is lacking.) I know this is so tough when you're depressed, because I've been there too. It's so tempting to just give up and shut him out of your heart, but until you tell him EVERYTHING on your mind about this, and tell him what you need, he has no chance to fix things, right? It's (oddly) scary to give him a chance... but trust me, it's better than giving up.