Need some good advice...Please dont be sarcastic or rude...?

Question

I have to make a choice whether or not to stay with my husband. We have alot of problems and stuff but we are willing to work through it, and we love each other. Although, I'm only 17 years old and married. I'm staying with a friend right now and she is willing to put me back in school and give me a car and get my liscence and stuff for me. BUT her and her husband are also having some issues they are dealing with. I'm so confused and I need some good advice. A psychiatrist would be great. I dont have much time to decide on this decision. I have to make the decision tonight. Please someone help me. Thanks so much, Ashley

Theres so many problems, that if I named them all I would be sitting here for like a week typing. We mainly cant get along. He dont have everything in the world and its hard to support both of us, and I'm not as happy as I used to be. I need to know if I need to get a divorce, and get my teenage life back and live it up and just be a teen ya know? Or stay married and be tied down and have no freedom? I do love him though.

Answer 1

i think you need to talk to people that are within the situation. there is not enough information here to make an informed decision. I have a feeling you already know what you should do but you don't want to listen to your head or your heart on this issue. make a list of pros and cons on staying and see what conclusion you come to. if there are no children involved the decision should be rather easy.

i just had to make this decision about my husband and I'm almost 25. It's never easy. if you wanna talk email me.

Answer 2

Why do you have to make a decision like this tonight? But anyway, the education and the drivers license are going to benefit you for the rest of your life regardless of whether or not the marriage works and frankly at 17 the odds that it will work are against you. I don't think you necessarily have to get divorced right away but you should definitely take the option that guarantees you good things for your future. Even if in the long run you do stay married, even if you are apart for awhile this helps the marriage too. The better able you are to support and sustain yourself the better off every marriage is.

What if you go back to the husband, don't get an education or a license and it doesn't work out? Where will you be then? Divorced, alone and unable to get around or get a descent job...thats too big a chance to take. I'd take the option that offers me good things either way. Good luck to you, you have a chance to get your life back on track...TAKE IT! another opportunity may not come along!

I got married at 17, although he was a great guy and i still think of him fondly forever was just too far from 17. the problem is we had kids and now that im older and they are grown i realize how much better i could have done by them if i had taken an option like the one you are being offered. i struggled to raise them and as a result they struggled...and now they struggle in their lives and the husband is gone and thats far in the past, but it effects them everyday and thats the one thing i would change about my life. if i had done what you are considering i could have given them so much better than what i had and that breaks my heart. good luck to you!

Answer 3

If you love each other then you should try to work it out. You can still go to school even while being married to him. Regardless of your decision, you need to better yourself. It will make your relationship with him or anyone else in the future a lot better. But, only you can decide if this marriage will work. Why do you have to make this decision tonight? Maybe you guys just need a little space. Do you have kids? Things could be just really stressful right now. 17 is very young to get married, but I've seen some of those marriages go on forever.

Answer 4

I am not being rude when I say this but these are all things you should have thought about before getting married. This is the reason that children should not marry. I know that nowadays vows don't mean much but they should. For richer for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Those words are very powerful because they cover everything that happens in a marriage. I am a strong advocate for the sanctity of marriage and believe there is no reason good enough to warrant a divorce except for physical abuse. You mentioned that maybe you should get on with your teenage life but you gave that up when you married so there is no turning back. You are a married woman with the responsibility of one so you need to work this out with your husband even if that means marriage counseling. The two of you need to sit down and figure this thing out for the sake of your marriage and the vows that you took. Marriage is not easy as you are finding out and it takes a lot of work and giving and taking. If you love your husband and he loves you than there is no reason why you can't work out your differences and stay married. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Stay, babe, trust me. I read your profile and your myspace, and you got a heck of a lot going for you. Not that you'd lose much by getting divorced - other than the one man you totally fell for and gave yourself to completely and love with all your heart and want so badly to build a future with.
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You say that A)you're not with him now, but with a friend and B) your husband is willing to work things out with you. That is great! Don't throw it all away for a few problems, esp. money problems. If he isn't cheating, beating, or otherwise mistreating you, then get some counsel and therapy and grownup wisdom to help you 2 work things out.
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So you're only 17. People get married younger than that and stay together for decades. You can do it too. Have faith in yourself, in your husband, and also in God. If you follow Biblical principles and try to build good communication and mutual respect and how to love each other the best way, not the easy way - you can have a wonderful marriage. But it takes 2- both of you working toward the same goal.
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Life is tough, marriage is tougher. Stick it out and you can be proud of yourself. If you take the easy way out, you'll be setting yourself up to go that way the next time a crisis or conflict comes between you and someone you love. Please get some advice from someone you know and trust and can avoid taking your side or his but instead help you both see each other's side.
Best of luck!

Answer 6

Alright, here the best advice I can give you from the standpoint of an adult: You are still a child. Firstly, you should have never married at 17 -- what you find attractive at 17 would never be the same at 23. So, yes, reclaim your teenage years, control your raging hormones, go back to school, get good grades, get an education, do whatever you have to do to get an education, get that hs diploma and into college or a trade school......DON'T HAVE CHILDREN UNTIL YOU AND YOU ALONE CAN SUPPORT THEM. Go to college or to a trade school (dental hygienist, nurse, dental tech. and top fields in dentistry are now being a creative maker of porcelain veneers top $$$ minimal training, and if you are good, real top buckos. Office work doesn't pay much, teaching is okay, but also doesn't pay much. Business degrees and being an attorney are long hauls but pay well. Point here is, never be without a way to support yourself -- best advise my mom ever gave me..) There is no worse life than being an uneducated mother. No man will wish to raise another man's child (or children) and you will "get" to be alone for the rest of your adult life..... how fun. Now, print this answer and keep it with you. When you think you are ready for a family, read it again.... Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 7

Don't rely on the advice of strangers to make life long decisions.

Your friend might be offerenng you help and sensible advice, and you do need a car and a driver's license to get on your feet, but please, look for another place to stay as a couple needs their space to deal with their own problems and you will only add up to their stress. Besides, you have to understand that that will be a temporary solution only as generosity and friendship also have limits and a houseguest staying for more than 2 weeks is a pain in the neck. Don't ruin a friendship over being a house pest. I would suggest for you to take their offer, but find another place to stay after a couple of weeks there while you are going thru this.

Since you are still a minor, you can get help from family Services and get to a shelter or a foster home, You will be safe and well taken care of for the time being.

Do you have any family? I'm sure they will lend you a hand on this difficult time.

Get a job and support your self, please, Don;t drop off school and get your HS diploma. Keep your chin up, as everybody makes mistakes and you are one smart young lady to figure things out early and wanted to make up for lost time and not dragging a mistake longer than necesary.

Good luck

Answer 8

Of course you have problems, you're seventeen freaking years old. You're still a kid, stuck halfway between a kids life and an adults life. Marriage is hard enough to manage when you're in your 30's let alone when you should still be worrying about what dress to wear to the prom.
You married him, I think you owe it to yourself and to him to try and make it work out. But part of that 'working out', needs to be that you go back to school. It's hard to make someone else happy and feel loved, when you aren't happy yourself. I think, getting your degree would help your self confidence out a lot, and mabye take the stress off a little. If nothing else, it gives you the option of maybe taking night classes at a local college, or getting a better job.
Money is almost certainly one of your issues, it is the main issue in most young marriages. Going from living with mommy and daddy to having to run your own household and paying bills is quite a shock.
Just lean on each other, feed off of the love you have for each other. Give it a shot. What's the worse that can happen? You give it your best and it fails...at least you know that you gave it your all instead of just giving up and thinking 'what if' for the rest of your life. Whats the best that could happen? You make it work, have several beautiful children, and grow old with someone you love with all your heart.
Seem worth it to try?
Good luck.

Answer 9

Well I can tell you girl stay. Stay and work all your problems out. Although you got married early their was a reason for you to do that. You can go back to school and drive if your back with your husband. Stay unless he is abusing you or hurting you in any other way. if its money problems or meaningless arguments you will see that all of those things can worked out and compromised. If you leave this marriage you might regret your decision for the rest of your life. Unless you want to start a new life with out a husband, find another love or soul mate than leave and never look back, but if you love this man no matter how young you are its your love and its up to you to decide your loves fate

Answer 10

hey i understand that you r unhappy i am going through a divorce myself and if he is willing to work on it and go to counselling then do so but if you r not happy and want your life back then you probably deep down dont want your marriage. so the best thing i can say is if you r not happy you need to leave and get back into school and have your life back otherwise your marriage will never be right as if you r not happy he will not be happy and at 17 you probably dont need to be married and tied down live your life and be a teen you have so much more of your life ahead of you that you can always find true love again and maybe at that time you will be ready to settle down and be happy but do what makes you happy not what anybody else wnats as it is your life and you need to be happy first and formost. i hope this has helped.. GOOD LUCK!!!! i hope everything works out for you....all the best.