Is it okay for me and my husband to talk about what happend in our past relationships?

Question

We have been married for 4 years now. And well I am sometimes surious to know what happend before I came along. Everytime I ask he gets mad and says I am not going to tell you anything, because you get mad easily.

Answer 1

Respect his decision because he picked you and he loves and thats all that counts. Try and forget about the past. I don't think its okay to talk about past relationships but you cant hide them.

Answer 2

I have been married for 19 years and been with the same women for 21 years. The one thing that has worked for me is, what is going on at this time in my relationship now, not what has happen in other relationships in the past. You always hope that you have learned form those to make now better than those. Talk is ok but think of what you have maybe he does not want to bring old thing into what he has now.

Answer 3

Well do u get mad easily??? if so, then it will be hard to tell u the truth .. people tend to be very territorial of the ones they love..even their past.. they want to be their spouses everything, and at times its hard to find out that your spouse had firsts with this one or that one that u'll never be the first one to do that with him.. People always want to know the truth, but not all people can handle the truth.. If u want to ask the questions, u darn well better be prepared to hear the answers, if not then leave it alone.. if you get mad or jealous easily, all your doing is opening pandora's box ..and u could end up regretting it.. but if its just curiousity, and your not going to get upset , hurt, or jealous.. and BIGGEST OF ALL.. use his past against him..then theres nothing wrong with sharing ur past lives with each other.. but like i said..
Becareful and be prepared to hear the answers to the questions your asking, we all have pasts, good and bad.. and its not his fault if you cant handle hearing about things that your asking him about.. so know that u may get answers you didnt want to hear..

Answer 4

I don't know what's up with people why they get so bent out of shape because of stuff in the past, but I talk with my wife about the past (hers and mine) and it's no big deal. We talk about her ex fiance sometimes and about girls I've dated before. I guess neither of us has done really crazy things, maybe we might be more sensitive about the past if it's stuff you'd rather not tell, but I tell her everything anyway.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with being curious about his past, but then if he tells you and you get mad, then you should have never asked.
So really if finding out about something nasty in his past would get you upset, then leave the past alone, obviously you can't handle the "facts", but if you're just curious and accept it as part of the past whatever it was, then it's ok.
I guess I can see the possibility that you might find out something that would make you upset why he hasn't told you before getting married.... if he does have such secrets and you haven't communicated before marriage, then think about this: would you have married him if you knew about it at the time? if the answer is no, then you've got trust issues.

Answer 5

I mean anything you or he says can be used against each other but the past is past...who doesn't have past. I think being open to each other is good aspect in respecting each other's past too, I mean... you can tell a lot from a persons past. If he doesn't want to tell you don't force him and if he doesn't want to know than don't tell him. What's important is just you and him... and the present. Make the best of it right now.

Answer 6

Let it go. I know too much about my wife's past b/c we grew up in the same town and it torments me. She had a somewhat extensive history while my own is not much to speak of. Your better off not knowing, trust me on this :)

I understand the urge (it's like looking at a car crash or researching your family history) but in this case it would be like researching your family history only to find out your ancestors were slave traders or Nazi's or something. Nothing, nothing, nothing good can come of it. Be glad you don't know and don't share anything with him either.

Answer 7

No not really. The past is the past and as the old saying goes "let the sleeping dog lie”. In my humble opinion anyone who has a strong emotional attachment to another person will react negatively to disclosures of past dalliances. In the case your husband is the wiser.

Answer 8

My husband and I have talked about everything that has happened in our past lives. We agreed not to get mad cause of it was the past and had nothing to do with us. Just don't get mad about that stuff in the past your our are the future. If he don't want to talk about it let it go.

Answer 9

It depends on both of you. My husband has had a colorful past and so have I. I like hearing his stories about dates (good and bad), conquests, one-night-stands, past girlfriends, etc......those stories don't bother me in the least. I actually think they are kind of funny and I kind of like knowing that after all that dating and what-not, he picked me to share his life with.

But on the other hand, he's already told me he doesn't want to hear ANYTHING about my past relationships, dates, etc. He says that he is more comfortable not knowing that I have a past and never hearing about it. He said that it would be like his mother telling him stories about someone "getting in there"....he doesn't want to hear it or picture it in his mind. He wants to think he's the only one that's gotten sex from me. He's not, but he wants to think that way.

If it makes him uncomfortable to talk about his past, I think you should quit being so curious about it. His past doesn't make any difference about the two of you, does it? Worry about today and what will happen tomorrow. Those you can control....not the past.

Take Care,

Joyce

Answer 10

Let me tell you now you don't want to know and you don't want him to know!! It will just be amunition when ya'll fight, if you where just now starting to date I would say yes tell a little but keep a little to yourself, but after 4 years if you find out now you are always going to want to know more and wonder all the time about his past, let the past lie and keep going on with the present and future!!!!!