my mother-in-law...?

Question

my mom in law hates me.....searously.....my wife says her mom hates every guy she has ever dated that its nothing personal just the way she is. i try to be nice, polite , i even take them on vacation with us to the beach. but she always seems to find a way to make things misarble. she always cuts me down, but i dont want to tell my wife i cant stan being around her mom, what do i do?

Answer 1

You don't need to tell your wife anything. She is fully aware of her mother and she is not going to choose between the two of you and you can't ask her to. I want to know what the reaction was of the other men who went through this? How much do you wanna bet that those guys did not stand up to her or if they did they eventually backed down? If you are truly in love with your wife and want to stay with her, you're going to have to stand up to her and tell her mother 'Listen, you are a part of this family, but I don't appreciate you talking to me like that or trying to ruin everyone's good time. If you don't want to be here, you can leave, but we want you to stay and we want you to have a good time.' Now there is a chance that you will get a nasty response, but you cannot back down. Very important-Do not raise your voice and do not curse at her, no matter how mad you get. Make sure you throw in some I love your daughter and what do you think this is doing to her too. No matter what do not let her get away with this anymore. Make her accountable for her actions and behavior.

Answer 2

If your wife acknowledges that "that's how she is", then you should be able to tell her that you don't like being around her mother because of how she is. And I wouldn't be suggesting vacations with her, either - that's not a vacation for anyone.

Remain polite when necessary, but just avoid being around her as much as possible. She'll either come around eventually or she won't, but there is no law that says you have to put up with it in the meantime except at formal family functions - weddings and funerals. Even holidays don't count - you have your own family now (you and your wife) and that is enough to hold holidays at home.

Answer 3

My dear man,
My heart goes out to you. First let me say that your wife is probably telling you the truth about her mother hating everyone who could possibly convince her child not to do as mommy says.
This is a woman with serious control issues, and her children are more like items, than people. And, some people are always angry, and miserable, and just can't stand to see others happy. I think for some people happiness is painful, because it is too different from what they know. Talk to your wife, and explain to her that you have too much respect for her, to allow her mother to bully you into an argument in front of your family, and that you think it would be better for you to not attend any further events with them. That is until her mother can show respect for you, and her own daughter. You have been generous, and gracious, as well as respectful, stay that way, and your wife will end up forcing her mother to be nice.
If she doesn't it would be a sad thing for her to allow such disrespect to herself, and her choices from her mother.

Answer 4

Sometimes it's hard dealing with your inlaws, but you know what they say you dont just marry the girl, you marry her whole family. Talk to your wife and make her understand how her mom makes you feel. The excuse cannot be that she is like that with everyone, you deserve her respect (unless you disrespected her in some way, then you deserve what you get), but anyhoo, if not then she should give you the respect you deserve. Even if she doesnt like, she should at least keep her comments to herself and try to be happy for her daughters sake.

Answer 5

You need to let your wife know how your mother in laws behavior is making you feel. Your wife needs to be able to stand up to her mother and tell her that if she can't find it within herself to treat you better, that she will no longer be welcomed to your house or involved in your family. She is trying to be controlling and actually has personal issues that she needs to get straightened out. Therapy would be my suggestion. You may just need to distance yourself and your family from her. If your wife is unwilling to do this you need to rethink the position that you have being married to your wife. You are a married couple, and your wife should be as comitted to you and the relationship, and be willing to cut the apron strings of her mom

Answer 6

Personally I'd be honest with your wife. My mother-in-law has called me a b-tch since before my husband and I got married, I put up with it, tried to be nice to her, still try to be nice when she's around, but I told my husband what I felt and why. I told him I would be civil with her unless she gets rude with him or my son, then she can pick her stuff up out of the front yard where I would throw it and she could go home (thank goodness she lives 700 miles away, but that means she stays with us for like 5 of the longest days ever when she visits).

Answer 7

Man...I really am very fond of my son-in-law even tho they have been through some rocky times in their marriage I respect and honor their marriage and consider him to be my daughter's closest kin not me or anyone else. He doesn't like me tho. I guess I don't blame him. My life has been nothing close to his ideals. All you can do is try not to let the rejection hurt you and only give as much to the relationship as you are comfortable with. Maybe time will heal what's broken in her heart and character. Defend your marriage with all your might by not letting this be the important issue with you emotionally in your relationship with your wife. You married her not her family.

Answer 8

My parents in law hate me. To the point that my mom in law wont talk to me if she can get away with it. Her first son divorced both of his wives so that means that my husband is going to divorce me... its only a matter of time in her mind.
Heres what I do. I stopped caring what she thinks about me. When she mentiones that Scott got a divorce, I explain that I married Eric... not Scott.
Never really does anything to discourage her.. so I decided that if she can't be nice to me, she can't be nice to the grandbabbies either. So her hate has really really distanced her from her grandson and I refuse to take the olive branch now..
After you two start having children and she realizes that she needs to be nicer to you to see the babies more, she will change... Its up to you weither or not you wnat a relationship after the hell you have to put up with now.
Good luck

Answer 9

you need to tell your mother-in-law in NO UNCERTAIN terms...that YOU have bent over backwards to accommodate her "issues" and that you are no longer going to be her personal whipping boy.
you need to tell her that her attitude is affecting the relationship you have with your wife. and it IS....even if you aren't aware of it. and that it IS PERSONAL!!
when she cuts you down, call her on it. make her own up to it. even if its in front of people...she needs to know she cant push your buttons anymore.
of course if she is a real *****...she probably wont be better after that approach, but does your wife expect you to put up with that forever?
you need to let your wife know how much it bothers you, and that it bothers you that your wife doesn't see that as a problem.
do your parents hate your wife?? probably not, so just point that fact out to her, and ask her....."are you going to back me up?"
she is suppose to be your best friend and your biggest supporter.
my sister was like this with my ex-husband. they hated each other, and it tore me up. it ruined any chance of family gatherings...and forget about having my kids at her house if he was going to be there!
do you want to get to that point, where you can't even be in the same room with her??
its time to put your foot down! this woman has walked all over you for one simple reason...because you let her!

Answer 10

Hey find out what is her agenda and why she resents you. At the same time you have to continue to be polite and nice to her. You have to find a way to show her, her attitude hurts you. You have to talk this out with your wife and let her know you can't continue this way. I find parents have to let go of their children and let them live their own lives. There must be some reason she acts the way she do to you. Could it be she was hurt in her life before or was treated badly by her husband or boyfriends before in her past that this causes her to want to hurt you and can't stand to see her daughter happy with you.Some times there is always something that happened to a person that causes them to react in ways that hurt other people they find is opposite to what they know, believe or experience in their own lives.