Have a love problem, makes me sound like an idiot.?

Question

I have a great husband, we have a pretty open relationship, but I love him and his best friend. I actually moved my family 700 miles away to get away from his friend, cause he loves me too. My husband is aware of all this and is cool with it. I would never leave my husband, love him too much, but the move hasn't helped. The friend calls me every week and tells me how much he misses me and how he can't wait to see me cause we're going back there on a trip, what do I do? I can't not see him cause my husband wants to go hang out, and if I don't go and stay at the hotel then everyone is going to be mad. What should I do? I know everyone is gonna say don't go, but my husband will be pissed cause I'm being "unsociable" with his friends but the whole situation makes me uncomfortable as I'm trying to make a new life.

Answer 1

This doesn't make you sound like an idiot at all. But I think you should address the fact that your husband knows about your mutual feelings and that he would still get mad and think you are being unsociable for not wanting to see his best friend for obvious reasons. If you have never cheated and never see yourself doing so, then I think you are ok with what you are doing. Time away might help, but it seems you cant keep away for long. I think you need to talk to the best friend and let him know that you cannot continue this way. With him calling you every week, and always saying he misses you...you cannot move on and let him go. You are married to one man, though he seems like a great man for standing by you, he deserves your whole heart. I am not certain you will ever stop loving his best friend completely, but if you can learn to live without the constant contact and expressing of your emotions it should get better. Is the friend married? If not does it seem he will ever move on and seek someone else? This is a very hard situation and I know it wont be easy to tell him that you can continue like this, but in all honesty it is most unfair to your husband if you do. In regards to the trip, maybe you can go and tell the friend in person that you cannot continue this way and if he keeps calling you will be forced to not answer until you both have moved on. I don't see any other way. The best way to convey your seriousness is in person. I hope the best for you.

Answer 2

The move hasn't helped because you are still talking to him which means you still have a relationship with him, so the first thing you need to do is stop that.

Then you need to tell the friend that you are married, period, end of discussion and that its inappropriate for him to be talking to you the way he does, he obviously doesn't get it or you haven't been clear. Make it crystal before you go back there. You shouldn't have allowed this to go on as long as you have, he should've been shut down immediately even if you do have feelings for him and even if it is flattering, its still wrong, which you acknowledge, and you will never act on because you love your husband. Continuing this verbal affair is still cheating on your husband emotionally.

If you feel you HAVE to see him then do it but stay away from him. I find it very hard to believe that you have explained the extent and depth of this thing to your husband and he is still going to insist you spend time with this guy, that would be really stupid on his part and i just can't imagine anyone doing it. So you need to tell your husband the whole truth of it. Why would your husband maintain a friendship with a guy that is trying to steal his wife? What i would do when you go home is insist that neither of you see him and i'd say thats the way it has to be if we care about maintaining this marriage. This guy is not really your husbands friend at all, friends don't hit on the other guys wife!!!

Good luck to you

Answer 3

you love him and his best friend?? hmmmmm not sure if im understanding this totally, but if i am, you had a relationship with ur husband and his best friend, and now you want completely out of the triangle you've built ??.. well if u need to go , go.. let your husband know you'll go but that the best friend needs to behave cause your starting a new.. and if he cant , then your going to stay at the hotel for the weekend, basically put it back on them if people dont behave accordingly, but hun this is why we marry one and be faithful to one.. and if your going to have an OPEN relationship.. maybe in the future u shouldnt pick people that are so close to your husband so that when your done using them for your own personal needs, u can leave them in the past..

Answer 4

Well first of all why does your husband want you around his friend if you love him? If he has forgiven you, he should atleast do what he can to keep you apart. Does he know this other guy is calling you? I think that you are doing the right thing by staying away from him. If your husband doesn't understand that you love him and want to stay away from this other guy, that is his problem. Let him be mad at you for being "unsocial". Better than being mad at you for screwing this other guy!

Answer 5

Your husband knows you and his friend love each other and he still wants all of you to hang out together ?? Weird. Anyhow why not act like your a married adult and stop talking to that guy every week and tell yourself that you are being an idiot. If you have no intention of leaving your husband then get control over your feelings and move on.

Answer 6

This is the problem with affairs.You just found out even if you move 700 miles away, you can't escape your past. You need to face your demons. You need to go and prove to husband and yourself that your committed to your marriage. This situation has caused you nothing but heartache so the next time this "friend" calls hang up. Good luck

Answer 7

Simply tell the dude your not into to him, i know all woman love flattery and the chase, but your belittling your relationship with both your husband and his friend. Sometimes the EMOTIONAL connection is worse than a PHYSICAL connection. You need to be clear to your hubbys friend that this has to stop. And if he doesnt telll your husband he makes you uncomfortable and he states he loves you and im sure then he will understand why you dont want to be around him. If you allowing this to happen its your own fault and you should feel guilty but moving away doesnt stop the talking, and the feelings. You owe it to your family.

Answer 8

It sounds to me that your problem is not with your husband friend. you can move to the other side of the globe and will not make on big difference. Loving two people is not uncommon. However the answer is in you. set you priority straight. Your heart is split down the middle. find out what is most important to you, your husband or his friend. bring them both together and all three of you find an answer. Are you close to god, seek for your answer in the bible.

Answer 9

i am going to genuinely placed my foot down about this. tell him at dinner or proper after to reveal off his Blackberry because you want to talk. Say you do not favor to be this, "we favor to talk" spouse, yet you experience you have not any determination because he's not respecting your thoughts or your and his marriage. That even professional counselors and helpers set limitations on calls and money lending and all styles of themes. She desires someone besides a married guy to assist her. no less than, in the experience that they are "acquaintances" checking once an afternoon by Blackberry is plenty, and at a good time of the day, no longer 2 a.m. he's no longer her brother, her boyfriend, her savior, her lover. Being unmarried this is in good structure if she has different relationships and human beings to assist her. and that is it. you at the instantaneous are not attempting to emasculate him or be unreasonable yet as his spouse, you want to be first in his existence, and if he desires extra in his marriage, then this is for you and him to paintings on, no longer for him to experience like a hero by saving another lady. So, his alternatives are a million) Take it; 2) go away it. i extremely hate to signify you be so ambitious, yet extremely, he will proceed to do what he can wreck out with and he desires to make a range. And your tone would properly be loving and affable once you're handing over it, so long because the message is sparkling. Heck, you may as properly do it in a while if his reaction is efficacious. ;-)

Answer 10

Okay your husband know that his best friend is in love with you but he still wants you to go and socialize. I think maybe its time to leave him. He should understand that your trying to save this marriage and bringing or going over there is just gonna make this worse. Just ask his best friend....if I was your wife would you want me talking like i do with you to my husband?? It just might help things out.