How do I get husband to stop being a slob?

Question

My husband is like "Pigpen." He leaves a trail where ever he goes. His car looks like a garbage can. Any room he spends time is a procrastinators heaven. He has stuff everywhere, and does not pick it up no matter how mad I get, how many agreements we make, how much we discuss or argue about it. He has taken over my world and does not seem to care. Please help

Answer 1

Did this just start up or has he been like this always?
My husband just started using the house like he would a hotel, leaving things around like the hairbrush & hairspray in the living room.
I found out its his way of claming his territory! I started doing the same thing to him, Things got so out of place he said "stop" now things are put back it there place. I know it seems childish but some men are still kids even after 45 years old.

Answer 2

Several people have suggested tossing his stuff. That might be a good idea with a BF or small child, but if this man controls the bank account, he will just buy himself new stuff out of your household budget.

When I was in a similar situation, I ended up declaring the biggest bedroom to be MY room, put a sturdy lock on the door, and gave up on the rest of the house. I even kept my own towels, toilet paper, dishes, and food in MY room.

After about two years of this, mold was building freeways on walls in the rest of the house and I was coming and going via the window to avoid the knee deep roach infested leavings and debris in the kitchen and living room. When a neighbor complained to the Health Department, I came to my senses and filed for divorce.

My point is this. If things have been going like this for a few years, then it's only the symptom of the problem, not the problem itself. The problem is that you and your husband no longer have a relationship. A relationship consists of two (or more) people who are all invested in maintaining the relationship; that means a willingness to make sacrifices and personal change to keep the relationship goin. Your husband is no longer invested. He doesn't care whether the relationship continues or not. Give up.

Yeah, yeah, people said "She divorced him over housework?" It wasn't about housework, it was about him caring so little for me as to be unwilling to make any good faith efforts at maintaining a happy and pleasant relationship. A man who can't be bothered to put carry his dirty dishes into the kitchen sure won't be there to care for you if you have a serious illness. Not a good man to making a lifetime plan with.

An amuzing aspect of this sad tale is that, in cleaning up his foul mess I learned that he sometimes emptied his pockets and then either forgot or was unable to relocate his pocket change. I found over $2K in small bills and coins.

Answer 3

I agree with "kill yr tele" her answer here online t o you.
I do live with a procrastinator and it kills me. Though he 's learned to straighten up a lot, he does good now on the house cleaning and yet he still procrastinates on other things that are important.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point where he actually helps and knows what the word "c l e a n" means. And organized. but I feel there is a part in men that some have that just cant be overcome b y their whims for some reason. That is getting over the procrastinator attitude for good. i think like cheaters, once a cheater always a cheater, men are same thing with procrastination.

my story varies to the "kil yr tele" very exemplary wrote for you. I also agree with her to a point, that you stopped having a relation with him, or the both of you did.
It's difficult not to fall into the rot of time going by. I know it too. Its not easy to keep a spark after 24yrs, and sometimes it may never be as when the relation started or how it was the first 5yrs of marriage. Things do change.

However that gives no excuse for a slob to disrespect you.

I demand respect from my husband and if he doesnt like it, tough. Just like he demands respect too of me. And though I am also ill with a genetic illness that kills before you can think 25yrs old, i have been in a way, in a way, blessed that I am still alive at age 43 and still with the best friend iever had , myhusband.

I've put up with his procratination even through the times I just thought i couldnt stand it anymore. But there are many good things about him that made me always "hellp him out" and now that I am always with some medical malady HE HAS TO CLEAN FOR ME COZ I CANT DO IT ALL ANYMORE AND WE NEED GOOD HIGIENE HERE. So that I dont get ill, he has had to learn it the hard way, he has to clean clean clean and vacum vacum vacum and
the dishwasher the dishes the sink the kitchen, the bathrooms you name it.
Once he gets into cleaning he does it. Its not daily because he works very hard to make a living for both of us when I cannot work coz i am very weak physically.

Its not easy to put up with a procrastinator. I know. but at least you are not ill that you cant help out more or find someone else and realize that life comes full of surprises. My husband thought he was marrying someone that would take care of him all his life, and it turned out that I got sick during my pregnancy and was discovered to have cystic fibrosis which is a dreadful malady with no cure and a lot of suffering. NOW MY HUSBAND HAS TO DO IT ALL FOR ME....tough lesson from life eh?

GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY BELIEVE ME. I HAVE SEEN IT, EXPERIENCED IT, AND CLUTCHED TO MANY MIRACLES IN MY LIFE.

YOU NEED ALSO FAITH IN YR LIFE.To hang on for dear life during tough situations and relationship problems.
GOD KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE AND JUST CALL OUT HIS NAME ...MY FRIEND.

Sometimes we hve to compare things with many other people's situations to really see that we are not doing or fairing as bad as it may look. Others always have it worse. Look down not up when things are not looking up , like this circumstance.

Yelling at yr husband will only hurt the both of you.

Shoving down his throat that he has to do it all will only make him more stubborn.

You have the option of praying a lot that God help you with the man, and nicely talking to him every chance you can hint how you would lov for him to help you on uncluttering a bit the living room. And say "I'll clean the rest hon, for now , I know you will help me more when you are rested". KEEP A HIGH HEAD WHY RESORT TO BE A NAG?

Then if after one year you are at it still and he has not rested, tell him its either he helps you or you leave because that is abuse to you.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Do like my aunt did to her husband and son. She told them to start picking up after themselves, or she was going to start throwing stuff away. They ignored her, she let it go for a week.
Then as she started cleaning house, anything they had left laying around, she put into a trash bag, and when she had enough to fill the back seat of her car, she took it down to the dump and pitched it.
After their screaming match ended up with her not giving in, they actually began to start keeping most of their stuff picked up.
She has a little 'trash party' occasionally, but for the most part they behave.

Answer 5

Why are you with someone who doesn't care about or respect your feelings? You only pointed out the negatives, but what good qualities does he have? Was he a slob before you got married? If so, did you really think that you could change him?

Answer 6

Treat him like the child he is acting like. Use masking tape to clearly define areas of the house that are his, common areas, and yours. Any of his stuff that is outside his area more than 24 hours gets thrown away without asking. Do not clean his area. If his area is not clean, no sex for a week. He's a baby, treat him like one.

Answer 7

Well this is quite terrible, but heres my 50 cents for ya. My boyfriend and I are clean people, but have alot of stubborness. So we traid favors. Being married, sex is often a issue for couples. Instead of nagging, I offer oral sex for something I want. We are both sexually satisfied on a daily basis, and it eliminates the "cheating" situation.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, there isn't really anything you can do except try to either deal with it or restrict him to a certain area of the house.

Answer 9

It's going to take time. Myself I'm a clean freak. I like ithings in order.

Answer 10

Sorry, but I couldn't be with a slob like that. I'd leave first.