my wife says she still cares...?

Question

my wife says she still "cares" about her ex, i dont realy know how she means it.. she says she cares about us in a diff way but still cares about him. i dont understand wemon , to me if you still care for them you still have feelings for them. she demands to stay in contact with im even though they dont have any kids or anything. i dont mind for them talking but i dont feel that his intentions are "innocent" . i guees my real question is for the ladies, what does she mean ???? and do i have anything to be concerned about?

p.s. they were never married, just dateing.....she told me that if i couldent be in her life that he would be the one she would go back to....is that wierd?

Answer 1

You have something to be concerned about and what your wife means is that she never got over her ex. I can believe what you say about his intentions and even if your wife does not have intentions to be with her ex again, it is possible that something could happen because of the feelings that she still has for him. I have said this before: two people who have had sex in the past cannot be close friends. It just creates problems. I don't know how much you have discussed this with your wife, but you need to have another talk with her. You need to tell her exactly how you feel about this situation and what you want in your relationship. Ask her how she would feel if it was you who was still involved with your ex (if you have one). I'm sure that she would not like it.

Answer 2

well here i am answering another on of your questions....are you sure we dont know each other????lol, anyway, i feel you on this one... my wife tells me the same thing, that its just diffrent...i guess you just have to beleave her, if she says its diffrent than i guess it is. as far as you having anything to worrie about, thats on you, you know her we dont. we have only heard parts of the story. if she is being honest with you than thats a good sign. maby it would be good to spend some time around them while they are talken or togather . that way you can see for your self. if it is wierd while you are there, than there is probly a problem. why would they be able to talk when your not there and not when you are if its all diff and innocent right??? if there is nothing to hide than dont hide it. i dont know all the answers , im still finding them out myself but i hope i have helped. good luck .....agan... :)

Answer 3

It means she isnt over him and does still have feelings for him. If I were you I would not let her have contact with him. You may trust your wife not to do anything, but you never know what his intentions may be, and if this is someone he once cared for, most likely his intentions are to be intimate with her again.

Answer 4

If she spent a fair amount of time with him and ever had deep feelings for him then it's reasonable to still care for him. Do you hate all your exes? They shared some good times. His intentions may not be honerable, but unless she's given you a reason to doubt, I wouldn't worry too much about it. She broke it off with him for a reason, and she's with you now.

Answer 5

it might depend on how long they have been divorced. when you have been married to someone and they suddenly are out of your life (whether it's your decision or not) it's hard to deal with. no matter what their problems, at some point she loved him enough to marry him and so it's normal that she will always care for him....just as she cares for female friends. if the divorce was her decision, she might also feel guilty.

Answer 6

angelsgirl2517 is onto something. Here's where "no fault" divorces are stupid with stupid laws. In these jurisdictions, you can divorce for the way he loads the dishwasher. They really have nothing to do with feelings and emotions. How long have they been divorced? What was the grounds for divorce? What kind of guy was the ex? Was there infidelity, abuse or mental health concerns in their relationship? How quickly after the divorce did you two start dating? Get married? BTW, abuse and mental health concerns are the ONLY reasons for divorce in all states that is spelled out. Irreconciable differences is the "other" category. It means ****.

Your wife saying she still cares can mean many things. It's completely normal for ex's to still "care" for each other. Here's some warning signs that I noticed in your question: 1.) Still "cares", and 2.) cares about you in a different way but still cares about him, and 3.) demands to stay in contact with him even though they don't have any kids.

It's really starting to sound like codependency. Answer these questions from her view point:

Characteristics of Codependency
Following is a commonly used list of characteristics of codependency.

- My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
- My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
- Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
- My mental attention is focused on you
- My mental attention is focused on protecting you
- My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way
- My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
- My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
- My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests
- Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
- Your behaviour is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
- I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
- I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume
- The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
- My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
- My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
- I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
- My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
- I put my values aside in order to connect with you
- I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
- The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours

If the answer is yes to a majority of these, seek counseling for her. Seek counseling for yourself, too. If you love her, the journey to recovery for you will be emotionally grinding.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

i think she mean that she do not want u nomore and that she wants him back for u to move on with your life and forget about her

Answer 8

leave everything on destiny