How do you deal with a relative that you love with all your heart, but she gets on EVERY ONES nerves!?

Question

I love my cousin to no end, but the girl is wacky. She feels that she is only safe in white neighbirhoods, when we have outings, she will ask something stupid like, "are the gang bangers having a shoot out today? like they post it on a calander. She is scared to leave her car parked in front of the house, because someone might steal it. I live in a Very nice neighborhood, maybe 25% black 45% white and 30% hispanic, and in case your wondering, I'm not predigous, our grandmother is of White/Jewish desent. My cousin is so against blacks that she decided her child would only have a chance if he/she was half white and went to a sperm bank, and there is nothing wrong with a bi-racial child, a lot of people are a product of this anyhow, but she needs to know that she is infact black, no matter how proper and how far away she moves. I try not to get into it with her, but how long am I supposed to sit at a family function, in my home mind you, and listen to her bash her own kind? Help

Thank you all for taking this question serious, you gave great advise, that I can take to heart. Thanks!

Answer 1

You've got to have a sense of humor about this (pretty ridiculous but funny / entertaining description there)

so love her for being your cousin, straighthen her out when she makes racist comments (as in tell her you will not tolerate that and just leave if you are visiting her, or ask her to leave your home if she makes a racist comment -- she'll get the picture and stop soon -- don't argue, just say "that was racist, I'm gonna go now")

And then just laugh about how ridiculous she is. Please also do anything you can to dissuade her from having a child -- she sounds like the last person on earth that should be a mother...

As for her bring black -- you should also be careful that you do not have a preconceived notion of how "black people shoudl be" that you are trying to force her into -- she should not be superficial and judge people base don skin color, but you too should not expect her to act a certain way based on her skin color

Answer 2

Your cousin needs a reality check from you.I think it's about time you put your foot down and let it all out.If your cousin is so worried about all that... she needs to become a hermit and stay in her house away from civilization.The world is a big place and crime is everywhere.Your cousin needs to know that beauty is within every race.I know that every race has there own traditions and customs and that's what's so perfect.Imagine if everyone and everything was the same how boring life would be.It doesn't matter the color of the skin people have..but the heart.If some people would just look beyond the color of someones skin they would see their beauty within.People in every race can either have a beautiful loving heart or a dark and evil heart as well.She needs to face reality or seek professional help.

Answer 3

This sounds like a sound case of denial to me. In this case you must constantly re-affirm her of the truth. The truth about her heritage, the truth about racism and its evils, and the truth about blacks and how they aren't all "Gang Bangers". The worlds always has risks, and some can be avoided. However when you resort to furthering your paranoia with harsh words and wacky actions, then its time to seek help.

Answer 4

Wow, that's a toughy.....
I think she just needs to chill. She should just not put labels on human beings. We're all one here and I think she's just scared of the real world. She needs to embrace her identity.....Just because she's part black doesnt mean she's automatically the scum of the earth!!!! OMG, she should just open her eyes and experience people for who they are......
As for dealing with her, maybe talk to her about it in a way that doesn't make her or you mad. Yelling NEVER solves anything so I think if u keep a calm voice and mindset about it u'll do fine!
Good Luck!

Answer 5

Walk away That's about all you can or should do. Maybe she just wants you to reassure her she is safe with you at your home. My sister is wacky not in a racist way just wacky.. for years I could not be in the same room with her, but now we are older and I think its cute how wacky and zaney she really is.

Answer 6

Ignorance should never be tolerated. If she can't love people for who they are, then she needs to wake up and smell the coffee. It takes many beautiful colors to make a rainbow, and if any one of the colors was gone, the rainbow would be incomplete. Tell your sister if she denies one color she denies them all. Good luck and remember that your sister needs your love, too. Take care.

Answer 7

don't i'm white but not all blacks are gang bangers i know many proper acting blacks as for putting up with her i wouldn't i'd tell her what i thought and mention every black person i know that had brains unlike what she is showing mention mlk malcom x and who ever else you can think of

Answer 8

don't invite her to your home anymore, would you put up with behavior that makes you unhappy in your own home from someone that wasn't related to you? if you have to then tell her the facts, that her predjudice is about HER not anyone else. her irrational feelings don't change who anyone else really is it just makes her a small minded idiot. really you shouldn't keep your mouth shut about it because she needs to wake up, better to have someone that cares about her highlight her issue than someone that doesn't.

Answer 9

you need to sit her down and tell her you cat be predijust to your own race my dear and then ask her if she understands, best of luck and hope i helped=)

Answer 10

ignore them stay as far away as you can trust me it works