My husband says bad things and have insulted them very badly in front of others, i am hurt, what should i do?

Question

My husband hates my parents, he insulted them and draw them out of our house, my parents were deeply hurt and me too. Still i am staying with my husband, for our two kids but i m deeply hurt and i am just thinking of leaving the house for ever but what will be the effect on kids of 7 and 1. My husband does not even regret for his deeds and blames my parents for everything he did. I am sure its not my parents who wish this family should break. but i am so depressed, i can';t take a decision.
Please help.

Answer 1

Don't put up with that ****. You don't deserve it and don't let you kids get influenced by those actions. That happened to my dad watching his dad growing up and he didn't turn out too well relationship wise.

Answer 2

I probably have no place answering this question as I am not married and never have been, but I have seen alot of relationships such as this. A relationship can work under these circumstances but it seems like you don't necessarily want to continue with it. I would say if you can't sit him down and talk to him about things like this, the relationship is stuck and will not progress.

My parents divorced when I was young for the exact same reason. I think if they would've stayed together it wouldn't changed the way I felt about one or the other. There is no right or wrong when it comes to leaving a spouse, I think. But think about what you are willing to put up with and measure that against how you want your children to be raised.

PS> When it comes to your kids please don't sit there and think staying with your husband will be the best for them. Sure divorce is always a little difficult, but at 20 years old and learned to live with the fact that my parents didn't get along, and I now think I have the strongest bond I could have with them, even though they are states apart!

Answer 3

you guys need to talk. He is wrong for disrespecting you parents. but also if he can't get along with them than you don't need to have them together at all. leaving isn't going to solve anything. As far as the verbal abuse from both of you, you both need to stop because your teaching your kids that lifestyle. find a better way to communicate. walk away and calm down and then return write out your frustaion on paper and then burn it. you guys sound like you are frustrated right now bc of the kids. why down you get into a church where you can have some support with the kids until you decide what it is you really want. it will all work out in the end. I went through a bad bad similar situation, and I felt that because I needed hin financially it wouldn't get better. But God does thing for a reason. Either he( GOD) will fix the problem or move it out of your way. keep your eyes open and God will show you which way to go.

Answer 4

I'm going through depression, too, for different reasons. But I find it helpful to keep busy. Don't ignore the situation, by all means, but don't make drastic changes without a LOT of thought. Concentrate on being the mom your kids need. Even concentrate on being the wife your husband needs. Even if he is being mean, he's still your husband, and he still needs your respect and help. Talk to someone like a church counselor or a good friend or even your parents, if you're comfortable enough with that. Don't let the anger get the better of you. Don't let the depression control you. Depression draws all thoughts on yourself. But others need you! Take one step at a time to make sure your children are getting the parental guidance they need.

Answer 5

I know you have probablly heard this before, but have you tried counsling? Couples counsling? If not suggest it to your husband and try telling him that you respect him and are not tryinig to choose sides between him and your parents, but being in the middle is painful and its destroying your home.

If he refuses to talk it out and listen, the best thing to do is to leave for a little while and let him know that you are serious when you say he is hurting you.

If you do go back with him, make sure that you both go to counsling alone and as a couple twice a month.

Let him know that you love him, but be firm.

Now, the children... Make sure that they are understanding to the best way that they can that they have nothing to do with this situation, and that both parents love them (you and your husband)..... But exposing them to this type of environment will not help them build and learn what a good positive family life is.

I hope this helps, and please get real help..

*hugs*

Answer 6

I'm not surprise U're pleading 4 help.
Wot an evil way 2 behave! Where R his parents in all this......Miles away out of harms way?
He's determined 2 drive U away with this sort of insulting behaviour.
I'm madly thinking of a way 2 get it 2 stop.........& short of leaving him I'm really at a loss what 2 suggest.
Not much help I'm afraid is it?
Leave him, take the kids & hope the inconsiderate buzzard comes 2 his senses!

Answer 7

What happened to make your husband so upset?? I think that you should talk to your husband and let him know how upset you are. If he has no concern for you and your feelings, maybe you should leave for a couple days with the kids to let him think about how much he misses you. But, don't go to your parents house. Try and stay at a friends or relative's house. If he loves you he'll call you and try to work things out.

Answer 8

You will be a better mother for your kids if you leave. If you an your husband are fighting all the time and you feel so depressed it still affects the kids more than you know. They see you and know what you are feeling and one day they will understand exactly what is going on. You guys should seek out marriage counseling. Also he is keeping your kids away from their grand parents and that is not OK in my book of love. nobody makes you do anything unless they have a gun to your head.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you already know what must be done but are fearful to act on it. Many women stay with their husbandsfor the sake of the kids when they should be leaving for the same reason. Suggest that he and you go to counseling to alter behaviiors that are negative.If he is not willing to fix what seems broken in your relationship, dump out the trash! Dont worry about making your parents happy or your kids happy or your husband happy..apparently you are not able to do that because of the conflicts.. so.. make yourself happy and whole..in turn, those around you will respond in kind. Your children do not need to see a father behaving like a spoiled,obstinate,,overbearing selfish child or a mother who is becoming a doormat to his desires.

Answer 10

I don't mean to be alarmist but PLEASE BE CAREFUL

I had a husband who first ran off my parents, then all my friends, til I was completely alone and isolated. Once he had me properly isolated, he turned on me. It is a pattern of abusers to isolate you before they move in for the kill and start torturing you to death.

As long as you have parents/friends stopping by, people notice things like black eyes, or ask why you look like you've been crying. If he runs everyone off first til no one is left to check on you, then he doesnt have to deal with other peoples reactions to his abuse.

This might not be the case...you've been with him a while and if this is all he's ever done wrong in your whole relationship it might just be that he had a bad moment.

But if this kind of stuff is a pattern, and he seems to be emotionally controlling and abusive, be wary of his attempts to run off people who care about you.

Answer 11

I would not be able to be with someone that could not respect my parents. If you feel that there is more to the reason you want to leave him then do so your kid's can visit dad. Just think if your sadness shows around your kid's what type of life will they really see. Move on and let him know he has gone to far with the direspect of your parents.