As a parent, I am going to ask you a question and would?

Question

appreciate your honest answer (based on a question asked by another). Say you have a 17 year old who's a great kid, lots of friends, good grade, high expectations in life....but he also likes to have fun with his friends and sometimes there are parties. No ALL the time. Ok, so your son asks you if he can go to a person's home - that there will be alcohol but parents w/b there taking keys and they spend the night and are watched carefully. On the other hand, if you say no, being 17 and they do go out - he may go someplace else with no supervision, keys in pocket and drink anyway. Of course, you won't know this part (drinking) of the story until he's attempted to drive home and gotten in an accident because they haven't learned how much is too much. No one there to stop them. Which scenerio would you prefer? I would prefer the 1st. I want my child alive.

And if you say you wouldn't let them go out, that is insane. They are almost 18 years old. Old enough to go to war.

Oh and saying "it is illegal for a 17 year old to drink" doesn't mean they won't. They have friends who are legal.

Ok - you all can't tell me if your son is almost 18 years old and he goes to a friends house you are going to say "no" - how often do you do that? You can't tell me you lock your almost 18 year old in the house when he hasn't done anything wrong.

DID I TELL YOU THIS WAS ABOUT ME? NO....I DID NOT. I SAID THIS WAS BASED ON A QUESTION ASKED BY SOMEONE ELSE. READ THE QUESTION PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Ok I am in the same boat. I have a 19 year old and a 17 year old. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The fact that he is coming to you and being honest about the party is a good thing. It's your decision how the best plan of attack should go. They will lie and do what they want anyway. So ask yourself do you want them to lie to you or do you want to know what they are doing at all times. I am not saying go ahead and let him drink. But it is a catch 22. One thing for sure. Let him know that he can call with no questions asked and that you will come and get him no matter what. (then you can ask the next morning) Good Luck!!

Answer 2

As a 17 year old myself, I honestly would not want my mother or father to let me go to a party with drinks. Whether there is supervision or not. Then supervision is not good in the first place because the child has to be 21 in order to drink an alchoholic beverage anyway. The supervision doesnt seem to be so supervised. You can not trust anyone with your child except yourself. It would primarily your fault if anything was to happen no matter how good the situation may sound. The world is full of trustworthy people but when it comes to your kids there is no one to trust. And another thing your kid isnt grown untill he's out of your pocket.

Answer 3

At 17 you still have the final say and are legally responsible for anything that happens to him or anyone elses property while he is out doing whatever he is doing. If you cannot trust your son, just tell him "no". When he's 18 that's another story, then he's responsible for himself. He will pay for whatever mistakes he will make, and he will make them. All you can do is hope that you raised him right, to think about consequences of his actions. If he gets put into jail for something, let him sit there, dont go running and post bail, sometimes they just need to sit and think and do their time to keep from making the same bad choices. If you think you can protect him for the rest of his life you are sorrily mistaken. If he's 18 and still at home, hopefully you have set some ground rules and there is a respect between you two.
As far as the party scenerio, I would have to say no because even with parents there taking away the keys to kids cars and spending the night, the parents have proven to be irresponsible to me by giving alchohol to underage minors...it's against the law, plain and simple. They'd be breaking the law and so would he. You would just look stupid in the end for giving him the okay to do it because you are teaching him that he doens't have to abide by any laws or authority. My brother was in this sort of sitaution at 22 years of age, he bought liqour for minors and just about went to jail...infact he would have if the Sheriiff who lived next door didn't step in. His *** was LUCKY that day...and he made a good choice to never do it again, but if anything had come of it you better bet he would have gotten what he deserved, because one of the kids almost died from alchohol poisoning. That's why we are parents to help our children make good choices in life, we don't always have to agree with everything they do...and as long as they understand that they won't be confused. I really wish you the best.

Answer 4

Don't let him go and watch every move he makes so he won't sneak out. Just because he says there r going to be parents at the party doesn't mean it's true. If the cops crash the party and find out he is under aged it will stay on his record FOREVER and u could get arrested since u knew about it. Tell him why he can't go and the consequences including taking the life of another person even his because of driving home drunk. Whatever u do don't let him go . He could ruin his life and could even end it. On the news we here about too many under aged drinkers who drive drunk, get in a accident and end up dieing or other killing some one else. Life can not be replaced.

Answer 5

If he has been honest enough with you to give you all this information then you apparently have a very strong relationship with him. I would much rather allow him to go to the supervised party than take the chance of the other scenario. Have a talk with him before he goes and make sure he understands your feelings and expectations. Tell him all the horrors of drinking and that he doesn't have to "over" do it to have a good time. Then pray and hope for the best. You have to let go sometime, all you can do is hope that everything you've taught him sticks.

Answer 6

THIS IS AGIANST 90% OF PPLS PARENTING RULES BUT I DON'T CARE.....
My parents would allow me to go to parties where there was going to be drinking, the typical party as long as supervison was there several times this supervison was at my home with my parents. I think it helped my relationship with my parents. the only rules they had was they would DRIVE me there and drop me off not allowing me to drive my own under no circumstances. My parents would not allow there to be any drugs at the house although there often were i never did them at that age i didnt want to ruin the trust i had developed with my parents and didnt want them to stop allowing me to go and to have these parties. I remeber that under those circumstances that there was often A LOT less alcohol at the parties then there would have been if it was a unsupervised party it was almost like they allowed a six pack per person. Where if we had been else where it would have been more like a keg per person. They would just allow us to get tipsy NOT DRUNK.

That being said I have NEVER had a problem with ACOHOL like most young adults do. I stop drinking when i get buzzed and thats it. I never get wasted i never get trashed i do not binge drink like so many young adults do now. I think it teaches responsiable drinking knowing your limits.

If you read my other answer and ?'s you will see how ever that i had a drug problem I have been sober for seven years and very proud of that I DO WANT to state the TWO HAVE NOTHING in common the drugs were introduced much later in like and I though i could control it boy was i wrong.

I did not discourage my school work i went on to college and nothing has ever happened from my parent allowing me to attend supervised drinking parties.

Answer 7

You have a distorted view of how to parent your child....dangerously so. The first and most serious distortion is your thinking of vice as inevitable and something to be controlled. Vice is abnormal, especially in children. Your child will not naturally seek out opportunities to drink. He will follow your guidance on this issue. If you tell him drinking is unacceptable and follow this up with your behavior and consequences for disobedience, then he will grow up to not be a drinker. Your thinking that he will do it behind your back, so it is better that he do it under supervision is both false and a rationalization.

What is true is that encouraging or allowing your child to drink at such a young age, dramatically increases his risk for alcoholism. That is a statistical fact. The earlier they start drinking, the higher the rate of alcoholism. Also, it is a crime to do what you are doing. God forbid the cops show up at whatever party he is at and they find out you let your son go. You will be in major trouble with the law.

Another distortion is thinking that just because adults are there, your child is in a safe environment. That is simply not true. The very fact that the adults are allowing the party speaks volumes about their extreme irresponsibility. I've been to parties like that, when I was younger. Condoms being passed out at the door. Intense, out of control binge drinking. Cocaine in the bathroom. Fights. Adults were there? You bet. Don't kid yourself about the nature of these adults and the implications this has for your child.

Children rely heavily on adults to provide an example and a moral compass in their lives. They base who they will become on these things. You are failing in your duty to your son and there will be harsh consequences for that.

Answer 8

Man, that's pretty tough. You're staring a very difficult decision in the face. May I suggest that there is an action to take?

It sounds like you need to make sure your son knows what his limitations are. He has to know how to be responsible about drinking. If he doesn't, teach him in whatever way you believe will reach him. If somebody's going to drink, it is very important to know how much is too much.

Let him know that you're concerned about his safety, why you're concerned, and what he can do to make it better. You're right - you can't stop him from going out and partying.

The last thing that might help is to make sure he knows that you absolutely want a phone call from him if he's been drinking and needs a ride home.

Wishing you lots of luck.

Answer 9

i would say that is a scary thought. i have had to deal with this recently and supervision is way better than unsupervised. either way its dangerous. I have a great son but when you give adult privileges to a child it does not always turn out good. i let my son go. and 2 weeks later he and a so called friend took alcohol to school and got drunk to the point of my having to go to the principals office and get my son who was sitting there vomiting into a trash can. was a terrible way to find out that he had been drinking for some time and has a problem with it!
i would keep them home. we have been to hell and back since this incident and and have a long ways to go!

Answer 10

i am a grandfather and i i say let him go to the party getting one hell of a hangover may put him off drink for a time at least then he wont be driving and will be supervised also have a word with the parents at the party to make sure He is being square with you
i live in Malta and you can buy alcohol here at 16 but you cant buy cigarettes until your 18 [weird or what]