is normal to still feel hurt and now angry at myself and ex?

Question

just wondered , after an 8 year relationship, 2 step children and 1 daughter, in each others lifes all the time but things went wrong as in everything apart from cheating on each other, financial, arguing, emotional abbusive comments from both partys, basically a very confusing and emotional relationship which ended when i still wanted to try, and the breakup was even more confusing as in not knowing what was or still is going to happen in the future.

question -
am i wierd to still be upset, hurt, feel rejected, confused, upset at myself and how i have handled everything and now i am starting to get angry about it?
4 and a half month later?
is this normal? or do i need help? or is 4 month not alot of time after 8 years and bad end to it all?

Answer 1

Think about what you said. After 8 years you and your spouse have gotten connected in some way. Regardless of the things that have happened life goes on. You said that you wanted to try and work things out,, but in order to do that you need to have both the people willing to try it out. You can't expect things to work you both don't have your hearts into it. It will get better I am sure, but you can't expect it to happen overnight. Especially when the kids are involved and there as a reminder to what you use to have. Not saying to get rid of the kids, just saying that it is not going to easy to get over right away.
You could seek therapy to help you get you through this also. It never hurts to have someone to talk to...Good Luck to you!

Answer 2

This is still very early days and you have alot of adjusting to your new life to get through.
No matter how long your relationship lasts anyone can tell you that you lose a bit of your soul in a break up and in a nasty break up like yours I would expect it to take a while before you are able to commit yourself properly to new relationship.
You will have to accept that its over and move on, there might be a small chance that you could get back together but at the moment I would say that you need to look after yourself first and get your own head straight.
you have a lot of emotions to get through before you can have say that you are ready for the next chapter in your life, you need to look for the positives, you have a daughter and 2 step kids who still need you.
If you are in financial dept then you will need to go about fixing this problem, its no good thinking that it will go away on its own.
You are not weird for being hurt and continue to feel that way but you need to find away to get over it and move on.

Answer 3

Most normal. This is about loss, whether bereavemnt for a death or the loss of something/somebody.

There are distinct stages. Stage one is often confusion, guilt and denial. Stage two is anger. We need to be angry to begin to move on. So good news. You are heading in the right direction.

Stage three is resoltion.

All this is a bit simple, because we go from one to the other and back again. But you are moving on so just give it time!

Answer 4

Hon, I am in the same position after my partner of 16 years Ieft.(I wasnt good enough to marry) to go and live with his mother. We had bad patches like everyone does, and had split a couple of times, but just when we were really getting sorted out his dad died, and so his brother persuaded him to go home to look after mum (so he didnt have to other calling in) and at 54, off he went. Its the hurt that is the worst; you are sitting there thinking " was it my fault, what did I do wrong, what could I have done to make it better"---and all the time its not your fault at all. I still feel like that after 15 months, but believe me, it does get better. You will reach a point when hurt turns to anger that someody dared to treat you like that when you had done nothing to deserve it, and you will start to get strong, and go out there and get yourself a life again. Meet up with old mates you havent seen for a while; treat yourself to something nice- and learn to smile again. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Everyone needs to heal and let out a bit of anger and frustration now and again. You have gone through a really hard time its only natural to feel how you do. Try and focus on the future not on the past and hopefully you can move on. good luck x x x

Answer 6

I would say that you should go talk to someone about everything. This is normal, so don't feel weird about it. The angry stage means you are moving in the right direction! Your going to get very pissed before you can heal. Keep your head up! You will get threw this! Good Luck!

Answer 7

It will take a while for you to get your head around everything that you have been through - try and relax and evaluate your current lifestyle - think about what you want from life and then go out there and get it! I have been where you are love and please believe that it does get better with time.

You may even benefit from some counselling to understand and deal with your emotions. You can be referred through your GP for this. Just think about you and your needs and remember that you matter.
Be strong and keep your chin up!

Answer 8

when you split from someone you go through all sorts of emotions. chill out and have some time to you, take a Holiday . meet new people and new friends ,and maybe change you life for what you wont to do, good luck.

Answer 9

i,m going through a similar thing now,yes it does hurt and yes you get angry with ur self.i have now got over the hurt but am still angry not with my ex partner but with myself,and im sure with time i,ll get over that as well,and so will you too.keep your chin up and smile and think positive things about your self,you can do it,i did.good luck.

Answer 10

Took me over two years. Remember too, you've got kids to consider. So there's no clean break which makes it a bit harder. And I was only married for five years! - It will pass. Just give yourself time.