i want to have a good laugh so...?

Question

can someone tell me a really good joke
the joke whichl will make me laugh will get 10 points~!
please and thanks!:)

Answer 1

First Affair

There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son that they always wanted.

After months of trying, the Wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said....."Not this time."

Answer 2

Dear Tide,
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have !! I have used it since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it even better !!
In fact, about a month ago I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started to become a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out by using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of Liquid Tide with Bleach Alternative. To my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out !! In fact, the stains came out so well that the detectives came by yesterday and told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative. Then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. It was quite a relief ! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty Bag people.

Signed,
A Relieved Menopausal Wife

Answer 3

The Koala and the Little Lizard

A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past ,

looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"

The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.

But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.



The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

"Fuuuuck dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

Pardon the "french for the "f" word, but that is what completes this properly.!!

Answer 4

Yakavetta: I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke.
Rocco: Uh, OK. There's these three guys walking on the beach, a SPlC, a WHITE GUY, and a BLACK GUY.
Yakavetta: NlGGER.
Rocco: Yeah, right. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You can wish for whatever you want." So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy...
Vincenzo Lipazzi: NlGGER.
Rocco: Yeah, right, he says to the NlGGER "What do you want?" and the NlGGER says, "I want all my NlGGER brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa. So... I'm not funny today, really, this joke sucks, I know...
Yakavetta: Continue the joke.
Rocco: Uh, so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and ******* are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."

Answer 5

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 6

ok theres 3 guys a Italian a American and a Mexican and they all work on a airplane. One day they all open there lunches and say how they hate it. So they all agreed that if they got the same thing again the next day that they would jump off together and die. So the next day they got the same thing and jumped off. At the funeral there wives were all crying saying if i knew that i would have made something else. Well the mexicans wife get mad and she stands up ands say well i guess its not my fault if he makes his own lunch!

Answer 7

The sixth sheiks sixth sheep's sick.

Get a Friend to read that 3 times fast.

That'll put a smile on your face.

TFTP

Answer 8

1) an ant did dial 911 n complained d police dat she has been raped..
and she wasnted to file a complain against.. mr elephant.... >>wweeeee hooo<<<

2) ant and elephant were in love,they wanted to marry each other..
bt ant;s parents did not like mr elephant, even though he was rich,smart, n good charactered...lol
can yu tel me why..??
cuz.. ants parents did say.. dat mr elephants teeth were out n did not even get braces ...

GOD bles ya
T.

Answer 9

A man walked into a doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his right ear, and a banana in his left ear. "What's wrong with me, Doc?" he asked. The doctor took one glance and pronounced, "You're not eating properly!"

Answer 10

you want to know what gave me nightmares as a kid? the koolaid man. no im serous it was so scary he would bust through ur fricken famly room wall and say OOOOYYYEEEAAA OOOOYYYEEEAA. and then the kid would be like yes yes the koolaid man and they would drink out of his big opean dumb head after all this rubble and debris fell in it

thats all i got for now c ya
please pick this one over those dumb blonde jokes. ?