2006-06-30 04:07:47 · 73 answers · asked by T-Dizzle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? WILL IT REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER NOW? THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD HAVE WORRIED ABOUT B4 GETTING MARRIED, SO I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE IT ALONE!
2006-06-30 04:11:57 · answer #1 · answered by QUEEN OF LOS ANGELES 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I find it hard to digest too.
Some could call me strict minded, old school, childish, insecure whatever.
But I believe it's an issue that has to be resolved. Otherwise our imagination may as well go way beyond what actually happened with our partner and ex guys.
I believe you have to be able to share past experiences comfortably with your wife, the most precious person in your life, your life partner. How can you feel close to her if you don't feel like knowing her etc.
It's sometimes not so hard to accept the fact that past is past but I think it shouldn't be approached like "past is past get over it"
By talking you may understand, feel empathy and find many of those relationships or experiences were just natural and more innocent than you may have imagined.
Personally I wouldn't like to find out after years of marriage that my wife was involved in a gang bang or something.
So I wish you good luck and patience.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself and let your jealousy sadness and such, get out.
Cheers
2006-06-30 04:19:21 · answer #2 · answered by virgo77 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably knew your wife used to sleep around a lot before you got married. You married her anyway. You probably slept with her before you got married. So now love her or leave her. Unless you have children. If you do just shut up and suffer. You got yourself where you are the kids are not responsible. It is up to you to do the best you can do to prevent them from making the same mistake.
2006-06-30 04:19:37 · answer #3 · answered by oscar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you did not clear this up before you married her, then it doesn't matter now. What are you worried about? or are you looking for an excuse to fight with her so you can leave and blame her? What is the worry? She chose you and she's with you. It's ancient history and since she was not with you back then, it isn't relevant now. What does matter now is if she is committed to you, loves you and respects you. Now you need to respect and love her. You will only hurt yourself in the end if you keep on this witch hunt. If there are other issues or things being said to you that are hurtful, both of you need to go and talk to someone and do that together! Separate counseling never works! I hope you give your marriage your all. If you do, you will have a loving companion for life.
2006-06-30 04:16:24 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She won't tell you because she did, she's ashamed of it now, and she doesn't want it causing problems, which it is. Of course it would.
There isn't anything you can do. Except one thing.
When and if you do have children, or if you already do, make sure you teach them that sex is for marriage. Period. The reason there is such a big move toward that today is people who did "whatever" back then are now running into the same problems you are and feeling like s*** about effectively cheating on their true love. We are learning from our mistakes as a society.
2006-06-30 04:12:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you suspect she is sleeping around now? If not then just leave the subject alone. She may feel embarrassed/ashamed for her past. But it shouldn't matter too much to you, just your future. Let her know how you feel and maybe she will open up a little to you. As long as things are going good, why change a good thing?
2006-06-30 04:11:15 · answer #6 · answered by sweetsugakb24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it shouldn't matter to you - if you love this woman and you wanted to marry her what does her past have to do with anything. Maybe she's afraid of being judged by you or worse having it thrown back in her face. As long as she isn't sleeping around now you should have nothing to worry about - and be grateful for some of the experience she got ;)
2006-06-30 04:10:05 · answer #7 · answered by trahub66 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the past is past. do you want to relive all your old flames for her? her behavior then is not indicative of what her behavior now will be. Plus, its time to quit defining how good a woman is by how many men and which men she sleeps with. Is she nice, and kind and funny and loyal and all the things that you look for in a wife? if so, then why do you care what her past sexual experiences are?
don't dwell on it now, she chose you and you'll be the last person she sleeps with, it doesn't matter that you weren't the first.
2006-06-30 04:11:16 · answer #8 · answered by ladylawyer26 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it's really that important to you sit her down and tell her i'm just curious about it and you love her and nothing will change. Then maybe get into some things about you to make her feel less defensive about it. But in all truth if you think it's gonna hurt your realationship in anyway don't bother with it. Just move on with life now because the past is the past.
2006-06-30 04:14:45 · answer #9 · answered by dragon_s_kiss2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing. This is something you should have known before you got married. If you are married now, then too bad, it's your fault for marrying her without knowing. Leave her alone, she's not obligated to tell you. She will tell you on her own if she wants to. But why should she?
2006-06-30 04:10:35 · answer #10 · answered by Dan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave the past in the past because this can cause problems if she did sleep around alot. when you begin to think about it you will want to know more and this will lead to more problems. focus on the here and now to have a wonderful, long lasting marriage. been there done that
2006-06-30 04:14:32 · answer #11 · answered by chris b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋