I have married a wonderful man, but he has a bad habbit of not doing things he says he will do :making appointments, promises, etc....and not keeping them, not doing them like he said he would. Several people (including me) have been hurt by this behavior and thus people do not want to count on him for anything - not even for small things because we all just end up picking up his slack or else we pay the price for it not being done. When I try to talk to him about it, he gets VERY ANGRY and does not accept it. (I've tried direct, indirect, bribes, sweet and soft, firm and demanding, ect)
I have my share of flaws, but I am tired of making excuses and picking up the pieces for a grown man. I just end up doing everything for him on top of doing everything by myself. HELP! How can I help him be a "man of his word"? 'Am I expecting too much of my man?
2006-06-30 03:50:54 · 27 answers · asked by butterflyfan23 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Then he ain't my man.
2006-06-30 03:52:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help him be a man of his word that is something that he has to want to do on his own. It seems like he is selfish, lazy and a liar. It also seems like he is a user. Do not take offense to that you are looking for advice and the only good advice is honest. Your husbands priority when it comes to the above mentioned is your husband. He does not care who he hurts in the process of getting done what he wants to get done. It is a shame, I mean what can you do in this situation? If you two were just dating I would say you can deal with it or leave. But, well that is still what I say, only I say that you should use some other outlets before you leave. Try counseling either for the both of you or just for yourself. Write him a letter let him know what you feel. I once read that if sit down and write a letter to someone with no intention of them ever seeing that letter you can and will be completely honest with them and yourself about the way that you feel for them and the way that they make you feel. Try that, whatever the tone of the letter when you are done is the tone of your relationship. Either way you go, good luck to you.
2006-06-30 11:11:28 · answer #2 · answered by Nicole C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've known and still know people like this. The kind of people who promise the big things and don't deliver on even the smallest.
"It is better not to vow, than to vow and not deliver"
Aside from this issue, it sounds as if you are happy with him, so accept that what he says is to be taken with a grain of salt. By now, everyone should realize how empty his words are and should either accept him for the way he is or dump him. Maybe if a few more people dumped him for his failed promises, he would get the hint.
2006-06-30 10:56:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
then he isnt a man of anykind period.
but dont give up, just record him yelling then play it back..
it will haunt him to see his reaction to something contructive..
and dont mention things to much... he might no do things cause he feels he is being driven around and has no control of anything other than to stop everything he is doing....
talk talk talk...
Hold his hand and make him do **** the right way..
he will get it eventually...
he fears your reaction...
thats why most people lie about stupid stuff...
they dont want to hear it...
but he needs motivation...
you'll have to figure out how to do that on your own...
but motivation.. will probably cure him
he might not feel secure in the fact you will stay with him even being poor and not responsible.. and if you gripe at him the wrong way, he will think,she is about to dump me, what do I care.. I cant dig out of the hole now... too late... and tehy keep expecting it from you but it never comes and you just end up miserable...
relax
exect nothing from anyman
and when he does something at all
you will feel happy and lucky, yeah I know thats a defeated view but men hate meeting standards or doing things that have expectations on them, atleast in romance.. Men hate having expectations, its an ego thing,.. they think they are subconciously being compared and your looking for the BBD all the time, Bigger better deal. It causes ALOT of guys to never fully commit to a chick. Not true of all guys, but this guy sounds familiar..lol
2006-06-30 11:01:42 · answer #4 · answered by red_samurai_dragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off, No you aren't expecting too much from him. It's bad enough he has hurt you but what about children (if you have any). if you have tried talking to him in several different ways then the only thing you can do, is not make excuses for him any longer. tell the truth to people, he may get mad but its the only way he will learn. unfortunately some men only learn through experience and not word of mouth. He will soon realize that he looks like a bad guy to everyone and is totally unreliable. maybe he will soon work on changing it. you need to let him deal with things himself, i know you are trying to stand behind your man, but he is wrong and you are only enabling him more. us wives can't tell our husbands anything, its an ego problem, they have to discover on there own. let him deal with his own mistakes.
2006-06-30 10:59:21 · answer #5 · answered by toni h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have married someone more mature. It's hard to believe you didn't know this about him prior to getting married. So, especially if you have kids, you're know stuck with him. You shouldn't expect to change him. He is what he is unless HE wants to change.
That's just his personality. So, to avoid any problems, don't expect anything from him. You will then not be disappointed.
A man marries a woman hoping she won't change and a woman marries a man hoping he will.
2006-06-30 10:56:03 · answer #6 · answered by Tom S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the reality of it is the only thing we really have left is our word. If you can't be a man/woman of your word then nobody respects that. I feel sorry if that is the way he chooses to live but...you know how he is so you can either accept it or not. Quit making excuses for him, he is grown(or not)...this is not your responsibility.
2006-06-30 11:11:19 · answer #7 · answered by grannypamrox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This wonderful man? You have got to be kidding. He is a compulsive liar. Get rid of him. Have no children with this person. If you do you will be locked in for life. He cannot be a man of his word. It is just not in him. He may be charming and nice looking but that's as good as it gets. Nothing can help him except himself, and that he will never do. Get a divorce and go on with your life while you can.
2006-06-30 11:07:35 · answer #8 · answered by oscar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you are expecting too much from him. It might be helpful to get marriage counseling and bring up this issue while you're there. Maybe he is just a very lazy person. Whatever his issue is, I think he needs help from a professional to see the error of his ways.
Best wishes! :)
2006-06-30 10:56:43 · answer #9 · answered by bettywitdabigbooty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men like this usually are set in their ways, and cannot change. You need to accept him for the way he is or get out. Also it will come to a point where you won't believe in him or anything he says. Trust me, been there!
2006-06-30 10:57:25 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not expecting alot from him, he should be there for you and do what hes supposed to be doing, especially when whe says hes going to do it.Ask him if he will go to counseling with you, maybe he needs something like that.Did he always do this? if not then you need to find out why is he doing that now.If he has always done this, then i would take it as him being him.good luck...
2006-06-30 10:53:40 · answer #11 · answered by Male Sicilian Trauma Nurse 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋