What is the best way to choose your sexual orientation?

Question

I've heard plenty of people claim that homosexuality is a choice and that no one is born with it. If that's true, then gay people can choose to be straight and not be harassed and harangued. I told my friend this, and he is interested in living a lifestyle that does not prompt men with little brains to beat him up.

The problem is that he doesn't remember how he chose to be gay. He can't even remember when he made the choice. I thought that if I could help him remember how he chose his sexual orientation, then he can choose to be straight.

So, what steps did you take when you chose to be gay, straight, or bi? Was it a gradual change, or did you do it in a heartbeat?

I am trying to choose to be gay for a day so I can choose to be straight again and document the process. But I can't do it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot be turned on by Brad Pitt, and I cannot stop fantasizing about Kate Winslet. So, how do you do it?

Based on responses, I do want to point out that he has been with women while he was in high school. Regardless, he was not really attracted to them. He says it was just going through the motions. So, he must have chosen to be gay before he slept with them, but he still cannot remember when.

I tried to make it easier to understand the concept of attraction. I tried choosing to not be attracted to Kate Winslet and tried being attracted to Roseanne Barr. I couldn't do it. If I have trouble making myself attracted to an unattractive member of the preferred gender, it's no wonder I'm having trouble making myself attracted to anyone of the other gender.

Thank you for your responses, but just stating that people aren't born gay doesn't answer my question. I understand that point of view, but I need to know that if someone isn't born gay, then how does he become gay? If you can tell me how someone becomes gay, then maybe my friend can find out how to become straight. It sounds so easy when you say, "No one is born gay," so please elaborate on that and tell me how one is born straight and chooses to be gay.

Answer 1

You can choose your behaviour, but not your orientation. If you choose against your orientation you are not going to live very happy.

Answer 2

You are born that way or you are not. You are either left handed or you are not.

First off - many guys will go through years of denial before they act on their gay feelings. You are good with a computer. Do a search on how many teens commit suicide because they discover they have gay feelings. Kind of shocking - right?

Being gay is sooooo hard. Why would anyone choose it?

Hardcore homophobes are really gay. Research proves this. When you start to feel the hormones - you either accept them or deny them. If you deny them you might turn into a total hater. You will feel threatened by anything that might compromise your perceived stability. I would not consider middle of the road homophobes to be gay because they mostly against homosexualilty because it is something they think God is against or that they just can't understand.

A straight guy that has no problem with gays is comfortable about what he is and how he is. Since he knows he himself is straight - he does not have to lash out and become a hardcore homophobe because gays don't threaten his masculinity.

Anyone can have gay sex - but that doesn't mean they are gay. Many porno stars, escorts, bartenders in gay bars and dancers in gay bars are straight. They look good, they have the body and they make their cash. That does not mean they are gay. They just make money off of gays.

So go ahead and have gay sex if you want to document it. Be sure and where protection. And if you want to try and receive anal sex - start with someone that has a small penis and go slow. But if you arn't gay or bi to begin with you probably won't enjoy it. Plenty of gay guys would be willing to receive anal from you or give you a bj.

-------------------

My additional details after reading your questions.


-------------

I don't think your question can be answered the way you want it to be answered. You want to know how to become gay or straight just as if a human being is like a transformer toy that can be made into a car or airplane. I am telling you that people are born they way they are born.

People are born gay, straight or bi. Very few people are actually bi. If they are bi - they usually prefer one sex far more than the other. Very few are evenly bisexual. Most gays when they are coming out will say they are bi so that they can maintain at least some sort of social approval. But after a few years when they are comfortable they will just admit to being gay.

As I said above - there are plenty of straight people that have gay sex. There are many male prostitutes and porn stars that need the cash. But that does not mean they are gay. You can have gay sex and document it if you want. But you will still be straight if how you are is straight. It will be robotic for you. Or kind of like masterbating.

Many gay men have sex with woman before they come to terms with themselves. They hope that they will become cured and and then maybe become straight. They can marry, have kids. But they just won't be happy - because all they are doing is repressing there feelings and lying to society. Such people will affairs on the side with the same sex or years later leave their spouse for a same sex partner - or just live a life that is never completely fulfilled. That is why none of those schools that make people straight don't work.

Answer 3

I believe it had to do with the way people are raised, the people they associated with when they were younger, making it a more gradual thing. At the same time, I think it has to do with preference. Kind of like some men like skinny women with flat chests and others like curvy women. Men liking men, is another idea, but he needs to think of why he likes men in the first place. Are they more attractive to him, has he just never met a girl who he could truly talk to, etc. Also, testing the waters can turn a person. I don't think you should fully decide until you've tried both ways. If he's never been with a girl, suggest he try it.

People are not born gay, it is the way they are socialized from infancy and a series of events from the beginning. Most don't ever consciously choose, except those of us who tried it both ways.

Answer 4

I think that people who say they "chose" homosexuality are really just in denial about what they always were. I have a number of friends who were "straight" in high school, "bi-sexual" in College, and now "gay" . A true bi-sexual will eventually have to make a choice about a life-partner, be it male or female, but it doesn't define their orientation because they chose a gay partner or a straight partner, because they are still bi-sexual. It's about the feelings you have for that person. I am "straight" but I have been attracted to some women, one woman in particular. I loved every thing about her, and it made me question some of the ideas I had formed about myself. When it came down to taking it to the next step I just knew that it wasn't in me. The thought of having sex with a women appealed to me, which is a normal fantasy I think, but the act itself did not. I truly believe your sexual orientation is decided in the womb. You can't just "Clap on" Clap off" your sexuality.

Answer 5

You might change your attitude about it, but that isn't changing who you're attracted to. Most likely you'd just be an unhappy gay person. I don't think the actual orientation is a conscious process... I didn't wake up one day and decide to be straight instead of gay or anything.

Answer 6

being attracted to someone of the same sex is a human nature thing. it just happens. choosing whether or not to act on it is where the choice comes in. my brother has been with women and men, but he has decided that he does not believe gay relationships are right, so he just remains abstinent. i have had girlfriends in the past, and i still do my share of looking, but i am happily married to a man. i think that whether or not a person chooses to act on natural feelings is totally up to them, and no one can decide for anyone else WHY they are gay or straight. why does it matter so much? is anyone else sick of everyone being up on everyone else's ***? can't we all just focus on our own damn lives??? i mean.. for real!

Answer 7

People don't get to choose to whom to be attracted. I never made the decision to be straight. I just am. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Being gay or being hetrosexual is just the way some people are born.

Answer 8

All these people are saying that gays will go to Hell. I don't know what's wrong with Hell, Oscar Wilde is there. Who wouldn't want to party for all eternity with him? With all the gays that must be in Hell, don't you think it must be an absolute fabulous place? I mean, think of all the techno and hot gayboys with their shirts off because it's a furnace down there! Sign me up!!! Who wants to go to Heaven where all they play is insipid sleep inducing Kenny G and Barry Manilow? If I was a guy, I know _I'd_ chose to be gay. Jeez.

Answer 9

most people choose to be gay because they don't like the sright life...it becomes to much for them. but most people say that you can't be gay and go back stright. it's not possible, that may be true. as far as being born a homosexual, i not entirely sure if it's true but it might be. you can't turn your friend back stright, if he doesn't want to be you can't force him all because some knuckle head people have a one tracked mind. he should be proud of who he is and you should be proud of him all because he is your friend.

Answer 10

You are analysing this too much.
It all comes from your heart. Sometimes you can like something and there is no explanation to it. I don't think you can switch yourself from gay to straight in a day and then switch back. It's like you want to like blue for a day and then red the next day.