Is it my fault or my husband's and What do I do?

Question

Hi, this morning I had my first real money fight with my guy. He is cleaning gutters and it pays good but its seasonal. I hate my job at insurance but its permanent, near the house, good benifits. He pays the rent and I pay EVERYTHING else: food, clothes, some outings, gas. He got the same amount I would get in 5 weeks in 2, but at the end of the year I'm making the same or more than him. I'm not jealous, I'm happy he's making money, but he deposited all his check into a savings account that I can't touch and it occured to me that he always does that and I got really mad when he started scolding me b/c I haven't asked for a raise (after 8 mths of working) and I tell him, after I get my license (which they paid for the classes) I will ask for it, but that doesn't change that I don't like the job and that he doesn't spend any money, except the rent ($400).
Please help!

Answer 1

You need to sit down and discuss your financial situation. Tell him there are some things you are just not comfortable with. Make a proposal to him on how you would like to do things such as each of you being responsible for certain bills or one of you taking care of the bills but the other reimburses at the end of the month. There are many different ways married people manange their finances. My 1st husband and I just always put all of our money together. My boyfriend (we live together) and I don't but we share responsibillity for everything (rent, groceries, utilities,ect.) I pay alot of these because I have more time to take care of paying bills but at the end of the month I let him know what his share was and he gives it to me. There is no right or wrong way but you have to talk about it and come up with a plan and budget that works for both of you. Their are a lot of divorces over money so do it early on before resentments start to build. Maybe he just doesn't realize how much money you are putting out. Show him on paper what you pay in a month. When my boyfriend was between jobs, I paid everything for a while and he insisted he would pay me back. When he did start working and he had me figure out how much money I had paid out he couldn't believe how it had added up. He did pay me back completely but was shocked at the amount. I hope you find something that works for you. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Wow! Where do you live that the rent is $400? I'll be right down.

It's useless to talk about fault. Money arguments are the main cause of divorce in my experience. You should have discussed financial arrangements before you got married, but, then love is not only blind but dumb.

The two of you should establish a joint account, out of which ALL the household expenses get paid. Actually joint checking and savings accounts would be best. You can each put in half of the monthly expenses or a percentage based on each of your incomes divided by the total income.

If "your" account is a joint account, open your own account.

All the household expenses get paid from the joint account. This has the added advantage that both of you will have a credit score that reflects how well you handle the utilities, rent, etc.

This does not work well if you use personal credit cards for household expenses, so try to pay cash or by check out of the household account.

http://financialplan.about.com/od/marriedcouplesfamilies/a/JointOrSeparate.htm

Answer 3

Have you ever asked him why he deposits the rest of his money in the savings account? Was the fact that you pay all the bills and essentials a mutual agreement? Have you both sat down and discussed how things were going to get paid? These are things that should have been discussed before you moved in together. Are you guys saving for a house, or just so that you have money for vacation? Talk to him and try to work it out. Money is the number one cause for divorce in our Country today. As far as you getting a raise, I dont know where you live but here in manhattan you ask for a raise after 3 months or based on what was agreed upon during your hiring. Dont stress the money, if he's not spending it on someone else and you are not struggling then dont get too upset. Talk to him and explain that you should have some access to the account in case of an emergency. Maybe you spend more money than is necessary. Talk to him, dont yell or scream, but talk and try to work it out.

Good luck

Answer 4

You're very good an writing a descriptive narrative. I think you're right in your thoughts. What to do about it is the hard part. There are ways to place his savings account funds also accessible to you, but that's just a mechancal change and doesn't deal with his frame of mind on the subject. It doesn't go towards the root cause of your discomfort. For him it is a delicate subject - his wife earns more and has higher skills that he does. I think it would be a reasonable step to consult with a family counselor, one with a speciality in finances, to look in detail at your whole family situation and make suggestions to the both of you on how to resolve the differences of feelings. Anyone trying to advise you over the internet without having a more complete set of facts (which really can't be done well like this) is prone to giving incomplete and maybe wrong suggestions. But I do believe your concern is valid and needs attention.

Answer 5

You two need to work out a budget based on yearly joint income. Out of that, each of you should have sole control of a fixed amount each week (or each month), to save or buy gifts with or whatever. But the rest of the money should be pooled, and its disposition decided jointly. To make sure departures from the budget are joint decisions, get the kind of account that required both your signatures on checks and withdrawls. Your library will have books to help families plan household budgets.

If the attitude here is "my money" and "your money", rather than "our money", then maybe you two should be roommates instead of married.

Answer 6

oh my, your husband shouldnt be hiding his money from you, not even in a savings account as you have the rights to it too, you are married to eachother. Who amkes the most money etc. doesnt matter, you are supose to share it all 50-50 and if he doesnt do that i wouldnt trust him period.

In my book if a husband does this he has other intentions with that money and no woman should put up with that, i find it rude, selvish and unexeptable in every way.

He pay just the rent???????????????????? yickes, thats no marriage, thats more like a roomate and you really need to stand up to him and tell him to pitch in HALF of EVERYTHING, if he doesnt then you have a even bigger problem.

It really doesnt matter who makes what and what your job is, its none sense and he need to SHARE it , dont go for less then what you deserve in a marriage.

Answer 7

why didnt you talk about who was paying for what before getting married?
so you are saying: he only 400$ out of his paychecks and you see nothing more?
and you pay utilities and everthing else, out of your paychecks?
you either need to:
1) tell him that you want him to start paying for some things more than just the rent.
2) or get a divorce.
need to get out on your own, your paying for everything now anyway. and you have let him get away with it.
time to stop it.
if you cant get out right away, might have to put up with this for awhile till you can do it yourself and get out. dont pay for any outings, and only pay gas for what you use, and food and clothes that you use. and let him get his own food and things out of his own.
does he have own car?
its not his place if you should ask for a raise!!!

Answer 8

well, i think he should help pay when he can we he has the more money coming in, you are trying to do to much with what you make and you need help he needs to start helping out when he is working in the season.

Answer 9

You should be paying 1/2 that way you both get benefits in the end. Otherwise is there something that you are paying that benefits him... stop paying it.

Answer 10

Doesn't sound fair to me, joint account all the money in one place would be fairer. If you can't agree on how the money will be dealt with your marriage is in for a rocky road.