my sons girlfriend is pregnant?

Question

my son is 21 and his gf is 19 , they been dating over 2 years with their up and downs, she just inofrmed me she is 8 weeks preganant, her parents told her she has to move out if she keeps the baby. they wanted her to wait till she was married before haveing sex. todays world , reality is most dont wait, she has been turning to someone at work a mother age as mine.she dont talk to me much and is going with this lady for her ultralsound today. so any adivce? should i back off since she is going to this lady as if its her family? and should she have this baby at 19 by then 20 yrs old. is this young or normal out there today?

she didnt ask me to go to us with her nor is she involving me, we are close but she has this woman i belive brainwashing her or wanting to be full control. im not impressed trust me and i been quiet about it

Answer 1

Hi, my advice would be to let her know your there for her as she doesnt have support from her own parents it would be good for her to know that she has support from the other side of the relationship. im 19 myself and i know that if i fell pregnant i would be hurt and scared if my parents did that to me and even for the health of the baby she wont need extra unessessary pressure.
in this day in age its still kinda young in my view i know i dont want any yet , but these things happen and you just have to deal with it as best you can and accept theres a child going to be born to love and care for so for her parent to do that is really sad!

Hope Everything Goes Well!!

Answer 2

If her parents kicked her out, I think you should help her where her parents aren't. I don't mean money so much as support. You didn't mention you son and what he thinks about it. Technically, he should be the one going to the ultrasound with her. I think I would call her and ask if she would mind you going along. If you don't trust the woman that is going with her, I don't think I would leave it up to her to go. There are a lot of sick people out there and this woman could be one of them. She may try to talk her into giving up the baby. This girl needs support from someone she thinks cares. If her parents aren't showing that and this woman is, she will turn to her and everyone could end up losing out on a lot.

19 is not to young to have a child. I was married at 19 and then got pregnant and had my first child at 20. I had just turned 20 2 weeks before his birth. She can make it but it would be so much easier if she has someone she can turn to. By the way, I have three children and I am in college. There is nothing that says you can't go back to school after the children are born. You, as a parent, should know that children make putting your career on hold worth every second. I wouldn't give my kids up for anything. My parents and husband are helping me but it doesn't have to be parents and husbands who help. It could just as easy be friends and childrens fathers or boyfriends.

I wish her a lot of luck

Answer 3

I was 19 when I fell pregnant and my boyfriend (now husband) was 21. Nobody thought we could do it, our relationship had its ups and downs also, but I was determined to keep my baby and be a good mother. I think when there are people who have no faith in you being capable of being a young mother and being able to cope, you cant trust them as you feel so judged. Thats how it was for me anyway. Maybe this lady is just being supportive of your daughter in law and thats what she needs right now? Its important for her to have someone she can rely on. ESPECIALLY when baby comes along. If I were you I would try to be as involved as possible, but without being to pushy. I'm sure you will want to be a part of your grandchilds life, it is a wonderful thing.
Maybe buy a gift for your son and his girlfriends for the baby to show that you care and want to help out, tell her if there's anything you can do to help you will be there. Show excitement about the fact that you are going to be a grandmother and hopefully she will begin to turn to you for advice. I am now happily married to the man I fell pregnant to at 19, now with three children and I like to think I am a good responsible parent. I will never forget those who said I couldnt do it. Its not always age that makes a good mother, because there are plenty of of mothers in there 20s 30s and 40s, married, financially stable etc that do not treat their children well.
If you can help out your son and DIL - maybe not with money but to encourage their independence while being there for them to fall back on - they will never forget it. Remember how afraid you were during your first pregnancy? Im sure she is feeling all those things also.
My advice is basically - be supportive - you cant turn back the clock - make this a wonderful experience for all of you - it will be better for you, your daughter in law, your son and most importantly your grandchild.
Congratulations and good luck.

Answer 4

I don't think it's that young. It's young yes, but not like she's 16 or 17. A lot of girls that I went to high school with already have kids and I'm 19 as well. I think her mother is being very unsupportive. And yes I would offer to help in any way you could. She needs all the support she can get right now.

Answer 5

You need to not only be involved... but encourage your SON to be involved. Whether he has a love match with this young woman is not the issue... he's about to have a child with her. HE should be the one going to the ultrasound appointment. He's an adult and he needs to take full responsibility for his child as well as a certain amount of responsibility for his child's mother.

19/20 and 21 is certainly not too young to be parents... fully responsible, financially supporting, insurance owning parents. I'm a bit concerned that SHE is the one who told you about the pregnancy. Was your son aware of the pregnancy? Is everyone certain the child is his? (You said they've had "ups and downs")

Your son should be making some moves at this point... and they should include being involved in the pregnancy, attending prenatal, birthing and parenting classes... and asking questions of his employer about how he will go about adding this child to his health insurance (I am assuming he has a job. If not, he will need one, even if he's a full time student, as he will be responsible for child support whether he has a relationship with the young woman or not.)

You should be supportive of his involvement, supportive of her as the mother of your grandchild, and as involved as she will allow you to be in every aspect of the child's life (from this point on through first solids, first steps, first day of school, first crush, graduation etc) Ditto for your son and if he sees that you are involved, hopefully he will take full responsibility for the child's life as well.

Answer 6

I am in the same boat but with younger kids. My son is 18 and his girlfriend is about to be 18; their baby is due in August. I wasn't thrilled with the news but what could I do about it? THis is going to be your grandchild. Support the parents in any way you can. I had my first child at 18. Like you said,,its the reality of today. Her parents should feel awful about kickin her out and most likely will regret doing so. Kids will have sex when they feel like it no matter what the parents think. Let your son and his girlfriend know that you will be there for them. I have gone to 2 doctor appointment with my son's girlfriend and will help them as much as I can.

Answer 7

Please don’t back off!! That’s your grandchild. I have a 19 year-old son; he is a father of a 4-month-old boy. Needless, to say I been there. My son and his girlfriend dated a less than a year before she became pregnant. We’ve had numerous problems before, during, and shortly after my grandson was born with her family. I am a very proud grandmother at age 39. My grandson brings me joy every time I look in to his big beautiful eyes. There will be problems, and yes this is normal nowadays. Teens think they have all the answers and does everything correctly, heaven knows they don’t. They are going to make bad choices, life-hurting decisions but think about it. So did you, that’s how you learned right? So, don’t back off – I recommend you leaping forwarded. Before my grandson was born my son, got a job that pays him very well, moved into an apartment and just recently bought a car. He immediately and completely stepped up to his responsibility. So let them live their life, introduce them to God and continue to pray and be there for them when they need you grandma.

Answer 8

In our current social environment where we see much so called tolerance it seems amazing how some people can turn their backs on their own children and grand-children. My recommendation is to love her like your own, she is carrying your grand-child too. Also, look for a good pregnancy care center in your area that will portray the love of Jesus. Our local center will help with a listening ear, some physical needs such as maternity clothing, furniture and the like. We know at a time like this harsh criticism and rebuke only prove to hurt in the long run. If we extend the love of Christ to those in need we can turn them to seek Him and find comfort from Him. God knows who you and your family are and will certainly bring you through, I will be praying for you. God bless!

Answer 9

It's happened. Babies come along when they are ready.

Be a support to them. They'll appreciate it and you can have a great relationship with your new grandchild. Don't worry about age, they can be loving and supportive parents if they get the right support too.

Good luck.

Answer 10

If I were you, I would be supportive. It really isn't that young and atleast she is taking care of herself. Wouldn't you much rather go with her to the u/s, it is a part of you as well! Good Luck