Is this poem good?

Question

One's Fate

What can one do,
When the world of all crashes about you?
How can one think and try,
When they realize that they live to die?
Where can one flee,
When mountains are gone and deserts are a sea?
Who can one ask,
When all have failed at this meager task?
When can one leave,
When one can do nothing more than grieve?
Alas and alack, one tries in vain,
To cover old wound and scratch,
To hide the long-rotted pain,
To cower from fate and detach,
And so, one is cast into the Hells,
In naught more but a chorus of screams and yells...

Honesty would be appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

Yeah, It reminds me of the human condition and our need for hope and salvation in our lives especially now that humanity is in the last throws of self- destruction. You can flee to the Rock,Christ our Lord, Jesus (his real name was Joshua, Yashua, meaning God saves us). there were hundreds of witnesses who saw him after he rose from the dead.

Answer 2

The poem shows some promise but in and of itself, it is not good.

There are a lot of apostrophes and commas and while that does not spoil it, it would be better to spread the words in a more readable way: i.e., put those lines in the same line...

"What can one do when the world crashes all about you?"

The meter is terrific and that is why it shows great promise. It has a great beat and I can die to it...that is the meaning of a poem.
Unfortunately, the first line loses the punch when it uses the end word "you." You say "one," then you say "you." Which is it?

The forward letters following that are all 'W's. It is not so pretty.

No one ever says alack. Kill it. (As Stephen King says, when writing, "kill your darlings."..)

You are losing the meter in the last part of the stanza in that you rhyme words that are in the question before with the answer beyond. In order to be remembered, a line must be self-contained and answer its own question therein. Try to rhyme words in the same question or line and not extrapolate into the next line. It is what makes a poem tight and meaningful.
Best of luck! Hope it helps!

Answer 3

pretty good until that line Alas and... I dont write poetry but Im being honest. You call this poem "one's fate" Learn about glory of God and promises in heaven. Change this poem alittle and you would have one great poem. You really have the sorrow and passion for this poem. good try good try. I dont care about patterns and rhymes; contents, words and ideas must be composed first. Ask some teacher oneday to correct the little things. You look very depressed, just like me. That's why i chose to answer your question.

Answer 4

You need to look at syllables and pattern. Your first couple of lines could do without some of the words, while still getting the message across. You changed your pattern midway through the whole thing, which interupts the flow. You can change this easily.

Answer 5

You want honesty OK

It was pretty cool but i think the rhyming through it off guard.
I know some poets like a challenge and make their poems rhyme but all poems do not have to rhyme.I really dont know what it meant but then again i am a 15 year old guy that is not all that into poetry.

You are a good poet though.

AND REMEMBER>>>>>

DADADADA
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


IVE GOT ANSWERS!!!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

Answer 6

Too repetitive. No real umph to the ending. tedious in the middle. And you have a diagreement between one and they and one and you. Needs to be cleaned up and tightened up. Less will be more and active will grip you more than passive voice.

Answer 7

yeah! good enough..
one answerer's right, there's a little off guard on your rhyming.. some lines were too long compare to the previous and the following lines

Answer 8

Not bad.....a little sad...J/k-very moving (bette than I could do) reminds me of the poetry I used to write in highschool though. Keep up the good work!

Answer 9

good, inspired, but I found that it was depresing. Also, though it's great in most spots, try reading it out loud to yourself to make sure it flows smoothly. All in all, I think that the poem is good.

Answer 10

A little too much of a downer for my tastes but OK I suppose.