Am I a bad husband?

Question

Ladies, how would you react to your husband if he said that he would happily pay for a boob job after you finished breast feeding three kids?

I slept on the couch for a week.

Let me expand a little...

I enjoy shopping with her, but it drives me nuts when everything top she tries on she complains about the lack of volume up top and how she can't fill anything out. It was at THAT time I brought up the boob job.

O.K. I get it! 2/3 of you think I'm an ***. The other 1/3 wishes I would pay for their boob job that their husbands won't pay for.

Men CANNOT win, unless we think like a girl and very few of us can do that unless we're gay. The problem is, I've tried the "you look fine just the way you are" approach and she discounts it because "that's what you think I want you to say".

Again, it's a lose-lose situation.

Answer 1

If the woman said that she wanted a boob job, then there is nothing wrong with saying that. If she didn't say that she wanted a boob job, then she might take that as an insult.

Answer 2

NO, I dont think you are. I always complain to my husband about not looking right in certain tops, because of the size of my breast. And when I had mentioned that he should pay for me to get a boob job, he just comments by saying for what so another man can play with them if you decide to leave me....So I think it was very nice of you to even offer her that, it's something that will boost her confidence..I just think you probably said it at the wrong time..

Answer 3

I don't think you are a bad husband, I think the two of you miscommunicated what your goals in the conversation were. I think your wife may have been looking for reassurance that she is still attractive, even after breastfeeding three children. Men have a tendency to want to "fix" problems that women just want to vent about. Women sometimes feel it is rather presumptuous of men to think that they have all the answers to our problems. If I can make a comparison, if a man is watching a sporting event and sees what he thinks is a "bad call" by a ref and says "What was that ref thinking?" He doesn't really want his wife to explain to him the referee's perspective. He is just venting that he disagrees with the ref, and I would venture to say that if she did start giving the ref's perspective, the husband would get annoyed.

Quite frankly, if someone suggested major surgery for cosmetic reasons to me, I might rip into him about about a body part or two--except that I try very very hard to count to 10 before saying anything hurtful in conflict anymore. But that's only after a lot of practice.

Answer 4

A bad husband lies, cheats, beats, drinks too much, stays out all night, doesn't go shopping with his wife, on and on.

What you are...is a stupid husband! You know there is no way to win with the ladies when discussing appearance, chest size, weight, etc....especially while they are clothes shopping. Ladies can help me here, but as much as women like to shop...it seems like shopping also makes them more negatively self-conscious about their body.

Theres no good way to answer your question, because who knows what context it was in, whether you guys have that joking relationship, if she has mentioned it before or what.

Dude, what you did was a typical "man" type thing. You see your wife is upset, and you offer her the solution to her problems. Unfortunately, from what I have read and been told, women would rather you just listen instead of offering solutions.

Deep down, buried somewhere in rational thought (dudes, it is there...I am told), she has to know that you fell in love with her the way she is, marriages and love are not built on chest size, you love her, you care for her, you are attracted to her and you just want to see her happy.

Unfortunately, you messed up. Whoever suggested getting professional help, I hope that your marriage isn't so fragile that you need help to get past this. That is crazy! Even though you didn't mean to, you hurt her feelings. I mean, what if she suggested that you need uhh hmmm enlargement? That wouldn't make anybody feel good. Same thing for women, except for worse, because female clothing exposes chests, where as, men are not in that same situation.

We all know that no one wins when married couples go to bed angry. Sleeping on the couch is quite excessive, especially for a week, but every couple has different dynamics...no one should judge.

Hopefully, you have explained to her and she understands where your heart was at in this matter. You guys have 3 kids. The last thing you need is the added stress of fighting over you being stupid, right?

Final answer: You aren't a bad husband; You are a stupid husband. You did your crime. Hopefully, you have done all of your time. Moving past making up for this, do all you can to remind her of how sexy you think she is. What a gorgeous girl she is, etc. Oh, and never underestimate the small things. For example, instead of refering to her as your wife, call her your bride...and on and on with stuff like that.

Stay up playa!

Answer 5

I'd ask her why she's so offended and explain to her that you were only listening to her complaints and that you were willing to solve the problem that SHE was unhappy about. And if she still b*tches about you being "insensitive" or whatever...the next time she complains about her boobs tell her kindly to shut her mouth because you offered to make her happy. Seems that some women like to complain about themselves just to hear their guy say that there's nothing wrong with them. Maybe that's what she was really looking for...reassurance that she's really fine the way she is.

Answer 6

I think it is a problem of women and men speaking a different language. She probably complains about her boobs to see if you still like them after breastfeeding 3 children and instead of telling her, "hon, you look great", you basically told her you agree her breasts don't look good and need a boob job.

Men often look to resolve a question with action, and women are just looking for validation. Men would like us to just say, "are you still attracted to me?" but instead, we go around the bush to get the only answer we were looking for.~ ie "baby, I love you just the way you are."

Answer 7

no you are not a bad husband. I guess she just wasn't expecting that. As a matter of fact you are a good husband for even suggesting that. I think you just wanted to make her feel better. Suggest that she join a gym or a weight training class. There are certain exercises that will increase muscle mass in the breast area. God bless you and your family.

Answer 8

man dont trip on it that much,, she complained and complained and all you did was try and make her feel better about it by suggesting what you did. your wife is real lucky that shes got you, but did you try and compliment her? did you tell her that she is hot with or with out a chest? or make a little joke? you can try and comfort her and tell her it doesn't matter if she dosent do it you will still love her and thank her for the three grate kids that she nurtured. Good luck

Answer 9

wellthere was your first problem, you should have let her keep going and see where it went, she would have brought it up and all you had to say was , "i think you are perfect the way you are but if you feel like you need a boob job then get it but i dont think you need it, if you want i will work over time and help you get it only if you want it." but you took it upon yourself and brought it up on your own, worst mistake ever.

Answer 10

I would cry for hours if my husband had said that to me. Here I am, mother of your children, and you want to offer to pay for me to have a boob job? Are you nuts? I wouldn't trust you, or leave you alone with any woman that remotely resembled Pamela Anderson!