My wife is pregnant but sad. How can I help her?

Question

My wife is 6 months pregnant. We have a 2 year old. Now, she's dreading the baby's arrival because it will cut into her time with our first kid. She regrets that she got pregnant so soon. (She wanted the 2nd baby to be a year from now). How can I help her get perspective on this? Thanks

Answer 1

I thought the first kid was going to be neglected when i had the second. Then I found out there was plenty of love to go around. Just encourage her that she will do great. Any more than two years you get out of practice. Trust me our 3 rd came 3 1/2 years after the second and i had to reteach myself everything. It seemed so much easier the first two. She will get into a routine easier than she may think. Its good for kids to have sisters and brothers. Life is all about learning to share. the first thing they learn to share is mom.

Answer 2

I'm not in her situation so not sure exactly what to tell you. I do know that if you told her in an inconspicuous way how wonderful she is at being a mom....

Maybe when she's helping her son to use the potty you could just lean on the counter and watch... When she looks at you weird, (Like ... What are you looking at? lol) you could say, "I'm so glad that you are the mother of my children. You are so patient and I love that about you. Make her feel without saying it out loud, that she is not going to be neglecting her first child but giving him the best friend he'll have for life. And that showing him that love has no limits.... She may be wondering if she'll have enough love the new arrival; Pregnant women have thoughts that no man could ever enter into. She just needs to be reassured that life is going to be so complete and she's the best mom in the world! Maybe take your son to the mall and let him pick out a present for the new baby, that may help her to accept the baby... just knowing that your first son is excited about it also.... I don't know if I helped but I just think if you do all the LITTLE things that you wouldn't normally think of, those are the things that she needs to realize that life won't be complete until that baby comes home!

Answer 3

My kids are 23 months apart. I understand her feelings .....

Yes, the baby will take some time away, but can also create times together. Like when she is sitting down feeding the baby, she can read a book to the little one. How about mid afternoon snuggle naps for everyone. As they get a bit older they will still be close enough to enjoy some of the same things ... that's a benefit.

My sister is three years younger than me and there were definately periods of our lives that we were strangers because three years at times is a huge difference .... a 7 year old trying to tag behind a 10 year old was not cool !!!

Answer 4

Ah thats sad! Its great though that she loves her child that much to feel as if another one will be taking time from the first. But you should remind her that you will try to be there to help her watch the new one while she spends time with the 2 year old! If you take time to do that Im sure she will see that it wasnt so bad after all. Also the 2 year old won't feel as if the attention was taken off of it once the little one arrives. All i can say is its gonna take alot of time on your part to replace the way she feels!

Answer 5

Lots of moms feel guilty when they dethrone their firstborn...I sure did! We all coped, though, and the good news is that when you have them closer together A) the older one forgets what life was like "before" and accepts the baby sooner and B) they'll get to be friends more quickly than if there was a bigger gap.

Besides, new babies sleep A LOT (remember?) You'll still have lots of time with your big one while everyone adjusts.

Remember how your heart grew two sizes when your firstborn came along? It will happen again, and there will be plenty of love to go around.

Answer 6

This is a frequent apprehension on a mother's part. Depressive features associated with pregnancy take many forms and are usually very mild. You can help her by reassuring in small talk over a few weeks and then continue reinforcing what you have already said. Tell her its okay if she is feeling that (direct negation of her fears might aggravate them). At the same time bring to her notice that how good it would be for the family. Start with the son you already have. How he would always be grateful for you guys for giving him a sibling with whom he will be able to associate more and more as compared to a younger one. It will be easy for both of you as they will not have diverse needs. Tell her it will lessen sibling rivalry because age gap will be shorter and that is a blessing. I am sure she will start to see things in your perspective. If your son can make it, let him tell his mother that he would love to have a brother or sister. Last but not the least if you guys are believers, tell her its okay because we don't really fix the births (and deaths). Its a domain outside our reach:)
Good luck dear concerned dad.

Answer 7

My brother and I are 3 years apart, like your wife would like your children to be. Honestly, I think it would be better if we were closer together age-wise. Because he's so much younger than I am (even though it doesn't seem like much, it feels like it), we constantly fight, though now he's becoming more mature. If they're closer in age, they're relationship might be closer as well. In a few years, she might be thankful they're closer together. And that means they'll be in middle school and high school together, even if one's older. My brother and I will only get two years in high school together, and then he'll have to rough it without the protection of an older sibling. (At least this is how the school system works where I live.)My little bro and I have caused my mother about as many headaches as there are stars in the sky! And maybe it would have been different if our ages were closer together in the years past.

Answer 8

I remember feeling the same way and now we are working on our fourth. It just takes time sometimes and having a sibling is soooo good for your 2 year old. She will see how beautiful it is soon enough. Try to encourage her to spend time with the two year old and when the baby comes maybe you can take it off her hands from time to time-like for bath time so she can hang out with the oldest. Congrats and good luck!!

Answer 9

Just be there for her and when the baby is born try to help her out. I have a friend and her kids are 16 months apart, she has her hands full. But all I can say is tell her you will be there as much as you can to help her. Good luck !

Answer 10

hi,, i have an experience 4 this situation.i have a pair of kids. when i know i'm pregnant 2nd baby, the older only 3months.as a gud husband, u must always help her,and don't forget to be a husband. lot of people forgot this after they bz with their kids.love is the most important in marriage.anyway, gud luck!