Marriage??

Question

I'm just wondering... I'm a mother of a two year old boy... I stay at home with him 6 days aweek. My husband leaves for work at 5:30am and doesn't normally get home till about 5pm. By that time it's dinner, bathe and bed for our son. We have from 8pm on. By that time hits he's too tired for any time for me. How do I get him to change that? HELP! I need the romace back!!

Answer 1

There are a number of women that go through this and to be honest there is no one answer. You can always get a babysitter for the night and as soon as hubby gets home on a night that he does not have to work the next day go to a motel (doesnt have to be expensive just one for about 25 dollars a night) take food that has already been cooked and some candles from home. Have an evening alone. enjoy just being with each other for a night and enjoy each others company. Tell him hey if you want to take a nap for an hour fine but I want tonight to be ours. Get naked and just talk for a while and "catch up" in the buff to reconnect. When you get home take the rest of that day to spend with baby. You will have had your time and still not take away from baby. Schedule this once a month to always know that you are cared for and loved. Sometimes after a baby the relationship slows down this does not mean that you have to lose your marriage into the baby abyss. It just means that you have to work a little harder to keep who you were before baby. It doesnt have to be expensive when me and my husband do this we only spend $5 for gas and $25 for hotel and we just bring something fromhome to eat so that we can focus on just each other for the night and not traffic or waiters or other people in general. That night is only about us and we keep it that way. You have to figure that is $30 a month for us to ensure that our communication and love and connection is not lost with the bustle of the day to day. Please let me know what you think even if that is just by emailing me saying worst idea yet. Just let me know.

Answer 2

Sounds like my wife and I am going through. I work 10 hour days and she works too. We have a 5 1/2 month old baby.
We only have 1 day off together so we have to make it count.

Sundays are our day. We do only family actvities and usually try to squeeze in a date of some kind too, even if its just going to a movie or something.

Best thing to do is communicate how you feel. He will need to make time for you and your son.

Answer 3

He needs to realize that you work ALL DAY too!!! You are tired too but you try to have time for the two of you!! Being a stay at home mom is hard work!!! I have a 2 1/2 yeard old and a 5 year old plus I babysit a 2 year old!!! It is HARD!!! But I still manage to squeeze time in for him...try tomake him see that you are as tired as he is....and go to bed when your son does!!! Have a little one on one!!! Once you start it should be "hard" for him to stop!!! Excuse the pun!!! LOL! Good luck! And cheers to you, a stay at home mom!!!

Answer 4

I've been there and I know what he's going through. I've been so tired after a 12 hour day. He has to have a day off during the week. I'd catch him then. Communicate with him on this. Tell him you need his attention. Any job is either exhausting mentally or physically and that's what he's going through. Having a child is a commitment and a sacrifice. Try and convince him on his day off after he's rested a bit. No exscuse then.

Answer 5

Arrange for a sitter on one of his days off so you have time for the two of you. See if maybe one weeknight a week either of your parents or a family friend would keep the child overnight to allow for some time. Have dinner ready when he gets home or go out for a meal together if it's affordable.

Answer 6

I wasn't going to answer, but I read down to like the 3rd answer or so and someone suggested that he wasn't in to you. I don't know what other kind of nonsense bs people have suggested, but in this forum peeps always say things like that, say he should quit his job, he is a bad man, etc. That is completely ridiculous!

You need romance. That is completely understandable, realistic, you deserve it, he deserves it, so forth. Coming from the angle that your husband is a bad man, at fault, not doing what he should, etc. is, first of all ridiculous (you know that), but, most importantly, not going to solve the issue and get you what you want.

Before we go any further, we have to understand, accept and appreciate the fact that your husband works long, hard hours to provide a good life for you and the kid. He provides a life where you are lucky enough to stay at home with the child, most are not so lucky. You also have to understand that, even if you have told him, he does not understand how you are feeling. Furthermore, he probably has no idea how to fix it. On top of that, more than likey in his mind, he is showing love, romance, etc. by providing the life for your family that "you" want. I tell you all this, because, if you are going to get what you want, without conflict, you need to see the world through his eyes. The last thing you want is any kind of conflict.

...so what do you do?

First off, you have to be realistic. If he works 12 hour days, he is going to be tired so staying up late and hanging out without him falling asleep, most nights, probably isn't realistic. However, we are not talking about every night, are we? Plus, you work hard to, you need to rest as well...so going to bed early in each others arms (ding, ding), lets say, 4 nights a week, wouldnt be bad, huh? Now, it probably isn't realistic to go out 3 nights a week, especially without the kid....so, lets say, 1 night a week, in a relaxing, stay at home setting, you guys find some sort of TV program you both like or you rent a movie or something. I know, it doesn't sound like much, but it would be like a date. Think about when you were young...some of the best dates were in parents basements snuggling up with a tv or movie, right? Maybe, on these nights (especially to start), you tell him, since you understand his fatigue, that he should take a nap while you take care of the kid, dinner, etc. This is good for you and him. Now, and this is so important in my book (my parents are the happiest married couple I have ever seen, married 35 years, and all of their lives, still today, they have done this), you gotta have a date night once a week without the kid. You gotta have a night that you 2 can go out, see a movie, concert, band, nice dinner, ball game, whatever...go home alone, wake up alone, be irresponsible lovers. Sometimes, it might be with friends...sometimes alone, don't matter...just do it...make it happen, you will both love it. Finally, you need to have 1 more day or evening of time together to share an interest or activity. It could be a walk, playing a game, riding a bike, just shopping and going out to eat...I don't know what it would be. Maybe it is just something as simple as playing cards, scrabble, some other game, having a beer or coffee or whatever you guys do.

I apologize for the length. Seriously, I'm 28 and I would give anything to have what my mom and dad have. Both of them work over 50 hours a week and are in their 50's. My dad runs an iron working company, and my mom is a surgical nurse. THEY ARE TIRED! They go to sleep on the couch at like 6 4 nights a week. However, Saturday night is date night. Friday night, they go out to eat and shop. Sunday's, during the summer, they hang out on the lake or in their pool...in the winter, they go to pro football games, concerts, whatever...something entertaining. Trust me, it works.

I cannot stress enough how ridiculous it is to blame a dude for working to hard to support his family. If you think about it, that is the most ridiculous thing in the world. What he does is a necessary evil for the betterment of your families life. Your needs are just as important. Balance is the key to success and happiness, right?

Answer 7

good marriage is an intimate and loving relationship which gives both partners security, friendship, companionship, support, comfort, and deep love that penetrates every aspect of life. None of this can be achieved without work and sacrifice.

Marriage may be compared to a plant that requires daily nurture, daily attention, daily care and cultivation. It will not develop of its own accord; only as effort and will are exerted will it grow and mature. For a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife must be committed to its success. They must build an enduring love relationship that is centered in the heart of their consciousness. Their relationship must be nurtured with the water of loyalty and love.

Answer 8

This is what you should do...
When he gets home have a nice homecooked dinner on the table. When he is done eating take hime to the bedroom. Maybe get a bottle of wine and some strawberries. Feed each other. after this he WILL be ready for you. I tried this with my husband and be and him have many wild nights. Give it a shot. IT WORKS!!!!!

Answer 9

well you need 1 or 2 nights a week you do stuff just for u so u should hire a babysitter and go out to dinner or any where or have your 2 year old son go 2 his grandmoms house so you can be with your husband.


that is what i think i wish you good luck.

Answer 10

That's a tough one. 12 hour days can really zap your energy and "having fun" doesn't sound appealing at all.
The best thing he could do is change jobs to something that allowed him more time off.
This is what i hate about America these days. We can't have traditional family values if one of us is killing ourself trying to bring in the money.