Is it normal????

Question

Well,this is my last question for the night.I would like to thank everyone for the advice ,it helped alot.THANX.OK,This isn't very macho but,I'll ask anyway.Is it normal if I cry when I'm alone about a failed 16 yr marriage?It just hits me sometimes and I can't control it.She cheated with my best friend,and I feel that its my fault,or that I could have done something different to stop it.I never saw it coming,no signs,nothing.Its been a yr and 4 months,why does it still effect me?

Answer 1

I think it is normal and fine. She was ur life for 16 years that is a long time to spend with one person. So I say be patient things well get better. I cant say why it still affects u except for the 16 year part. And I think if she cheated with ur best friend it was going to happen and there was nothing u could have done to stop it. She did it you did not, so please dont beat urself up over thinking it was ur fault. She may realize in time what she had and she gave up just be strong and dont let her know how devistated you are she might enjoy that to much. (IS that part bad?). Anyhow I hope you the best of luck and things will get better just keep possitive thoughts and keep love in ur heart and always know u r loved!!

Answer 2

I would think it's normal to cry.I think it means your just not over it.
And sometimes it just takes some people a real long time to get
over something like that.Especially when you love someone
unconditionally.But I don't think you could have done anything to stop it.When you think that, it's only because subconsiously you
think of things that you should have done differently so that she
would not have strayed but believe me some women have this
problem where no matter how great the guy is there could always be someone greater.Did you and your ex get together
when you were young?I know that couples who get together at young ages sometimes just grow and change.My parents got together when they were 16 & 17.They were together for 20 years
before my mom started cheating on him.And at first it was right in front of his face and he still denied it.But after they divorced my
dad went into a bad depression for at least 3 years and told everyone that he would never even consider getting married again.But 5 years after the divorce he is in a brand new house
and is married to a woman that is the total opposite of my mom.
He is very happy and has so much more than he ever did.I
hope that one day,I'm not sayin today or tomorrow,But one day
you can pick up the pieces and start over again.

Answer 3

Crying is a sign that you really did love her and really did care about her.It also shows that you do have a heart. I hate a man that thinks a man that cries shows he is weak. I don't think that at all. There is no time limit as to how long it will last. You are just not over the hurt of loosing her yet that is all. She was your soul mate!! And it is going to hurt and like H***.

Now as for her cheating with your best friend.....that person was not a best friend or a friend---period, to you or else he wouldn't have been with her to start with, knowing that she was with you. He had no respect for you nor did she for doing that to you. They were both at fault and I'm not sure as I would even want to talk to him again after what has happened.

Good luck in the future and my heart goes out to you for what you are going threw. Been there, so I know how you are feeling. Time will heal your hurt. Just try to focus on something to do in your spare time. Find a hobby to do or anything to help you get your mind off of it the best you can. Wish I could help you out more.

Answer 4

My wife left me 10 weeks ago in a very similar drop the bomb manner. I have not gone 1 day without crying. I have been a police officer, a fireman, and managed a workforce of over 120 people. I have saved lives and dealt with a lot of painful situations. No one can tell me that I am less of a man for crying. All the tears are telling you is that you truly loved, obviously something you did not get in return. Think about it my friend....how many women out there would love to have a man care about them enough to cry over them. Apparently you and I have found 2 women that did not appreciate being loved. **** man, I have lost my job, moved in with my brother, and rarely leave the house. This is just tearing me up, I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

Answer 5

Bless your heart. For sure it's okay for you to cry. You have to remember that 16 years of your life is a long time and also you were deeply hurt. You may find that you will cry off and on for years for your lose. Don't blame yourself. Blame will only put you in a place you don't want to be. It just doesn't solve anything. If it makes you feel any better, BELIEVE me, your ex lives with it each and everyday. She will never forgive herself. Even if she is saying she is, she isn't. She is living with it and she will never have another good, solid relationship because of it. It eats away at you like a cancer. I'm sure it still hurts because there is still a part of you that loves her even though she betrayed you. You just can't cut off all feelings after 16 years together. Crying is healthy, no matter if it is man or women. It relieves so much stress. So I say when you feel like crying, cry your eyes out until you feel better inside. Best of luck to you in your life. Not too many men cry, I see nothing at all wrong with it. It's healthy to cry. :)

Answer 6

there is no need to take blame. Things happened sometimes...it just sucks.

I have a feeling that you knew something was up...you were just in deep denial.

As for the "lost" feelings..it's perfectly normal Man or women to cry. You lost 16 years with someone you love. You were betrayed by not just one person you love but two...double whammy!

There will always be pain..it will never completely go away. I suggest that you write down how you are feeling. Get it all out, it doesn't have to make sense and no one has to see it. I find that it works just as well as talking to a psychologist and a hell of a lot cheaper too.

Answer 7

It is okay and it still hurts you because she hurt you!!It isn't fair but you will become a stronger man because of it.Don't be ashamed.You are a faithful man, who did NOTHING wrong, and was hurt.You trusted your wife and she betrayed your trust.If we cannot trust our spouses, who can we trust.Cry.Let it out.Since your ashamed. cry in privacy.It will continue to hurt, until you let it go.Forget the past and begin on the future.There are soooo many women out ther looking for a man like you.Stop being alone and get out there and meet some women.You are a good man and good father(from what you have asked) and there is a woman out there asking the same questions you are...somewhere.But you have to try and look.It was NOT your fault that she cheated...no matter what.It was her selfishness and stupidity.Your kids will be happier if Daddy's happy.Enjoy life again.Good luck and hold your head up high because you were the faithful one....so you have NOTHING to be shamed about.

Answer 8

I know how that can feel, click my avatar and see the question I posted. Yes, it is normal to cry, crying can sometimes help. Its not your fault that she cheated on you, after all, she was the one who did it, you shouldent blame yourself. As for the yr and 4 months, well, broken hearts can affect people for a long time, years and years, some people never get over it, but even though you feel sad and broken you should still keep going on. Even though it feels like there are nails going through your heart and that your bleeding on the inside, you shouldent give up. Keep going on, try to put it behind you.

Answer 9

Don't worry about normal. Your a man, but your still human. Anyone would be depressed in that situation.

All negative emotion comes from inequity. You are still affected by this because you haven't let go of the inequity in your heart. To move on, you will need to settle this inequity. Some prefer revenge, but you will only increase the pain of the situation that way. Forgiveness, of both them and yourself....letting go how unfair it was for them to treat you that way... releasing that anger you hold in your heart... Beyond this, like any wound, it will take time to heal. When anger festers in your heart its like a poison. Draw the poison out, let time mend the wound. As always easier said then done, but the road to recovery awaits you.

As far as what to fill your heart with after you've drained the poison, keep in mind where this wisdom comes from. I learned this from my Pastor in a Christian Church. Take this lesson as you will, but if you want true healing, it requires a love that won't quit and Someone who will never abandon or betray you.

I leave you with this...

Answer 10

First of all, it's totally normal to cry. It helps with the emotional healing. What you've been through is devastating.

Losing someone you've shared you life with for so long is a tremendous sense of loss. It will take time to heal from that. Not only are you having to adjust to the loss of her presence, but you also have to cope with the infidelity. Take it a day at a time...and in the meantime, CRY! Cry like you've never cried before. You'll feel better!