My husband is very violence and abusive and i don't know what to do, I'm afraid to leave .what can i do?

Question

I have tried leaving and he has always found me .. I can never get away from him.. He threatened me if i tried to do it again ..I don't know who to talk to ..Or what to do.

Answer 1

Call the police. Tell your best friend. Or your parents. Think of a safe place to go. Take your kids if you have any. But remember to tell the police first.

Answer 2

Sweetie, I know everyone is telling you to leave and call the police. Easier said than done. My husband threatened and I took my children and went to a shelter when they were young. But it was scary, to say the least. Anyway, I am in a similar situation, but I at least have it under control. You do need to do something about it but cautiously. If he's abusive there's no telling what he will do if pushed against the wall. He should be caught in the act and put away. Try getting the police involved discreetly so they can catch him. Good Luck to you. You are a beautiful woman, don't let him hurt you anymore.

Answer 3

You didn't say if you had children. One thing for sure you need a lot of help. Been there. Make arrangements to go to a shelter for abused women. They will protect you. I had to actually leave the state to get away from my abusive husband. THere is help out there, find it. Your local police dept may give you the information you need. Don't, once you leave have any contact with him or your family for awhile. This will cut him off entirely as to where you are. Also you do need to get a restraining order. Generally the shelter will aid you in all this, they do here. You can get away without him finding you. You say he always finds you. Well, that doesn't mean you have to go back to him. If he is very violent as you say, you should be more afraid of staying then leaving. Be strong, leave while he is away and don't go to friends or family. He will find you there. Reach out to the shelter, even if it is in another state. They will help.

Answer 4

Violence is control issues. So really, he's looking to control.

No one can control someone else. But you obviously can't make him aware of it. The standards for the relationship have already been set. He's used to the way he treats you and won't change.

Now that we understand that, what do you do? Well, there's several things you can do. YOu have to look at your resources.

So let's look at resources. what are they? family? Friends? co-workers? A local organization that might help? Are you financially secure? Could you afford your own place? Could you possibly get in a car and just moved to another town? Another state? I mean, there are options, especially if you don't have kids. If he's always finding you, you're not being effective enough at moving on. MAybe part of you is scared of him not finding you. Maybe the controlling aspect makes you feel safe....that you don't have to make decisions. If not, than you should be able to get away. think of all your possible resources.

Secondly, a shelter verses the police is better. The police won't do anything if he hasn;t done anything. It'll just fuel the situation,

Answer 5

Just got out of that about 3 yrs ago. When he leaves for work call a trusted friend, pack a few things you really want as you might not get any thing else from him. Next Call the POLICE, find a safe place to stay, don't contact any one you can't trust. There are also Half way Houses for Battered Woman or Domistic violence there they can help you with a restraining order. If you've kept track of some of the abusive things that have happened to you and I know it's hard to remember all of it but it does help with them helping you to get out of this terrible situation. Also let the Woman of Domistic violence thats he threatening you they will also help you with that. GET OUT as soon as you can or you might not make it. I'm glad I did and I'm living proof you need GUTS, FRIENDS, and the will to LIVE to make it out. Good luck and I hope this has helped you some... Dawne

Answer 6

Have seen this more times than I can remember. The good thing is that you have identified the problem, the bad thing is that he still has control over you. If you truly feel threatened, get the local authorities involved. 9 out 10 battered women could have prevented it from reoccurring. Start by leaving town at a distant relatives house. Get the police involved by filing a report or restraining order, that way its on paper and if he messes up and comes near you he goes to jail--end of story. He is violent because he needs to control you --take his control away ---I would tell you what I would do, but this is a public forum!

Answer 7

I suggest making a personal safety plan. In your head make a list of the safe places you can go. Get you personal stuff together on the down low (i.e. social security card and some cash). Don't bother with clothes as you can get more when you are safe. I suggest going to an Domestic Violence Shelter. Call the police and get an emergency protective order. When you get a court date ask the judge to grant a no contact DVO. If he violates that his *** will go to jail. Please be very careful because as you already know leaving is the most dangerous time. He may say he is sorry a million times, but the sad truth if he hurt you once he will do it again. Please be careful. Call this toll free hotline for help.1-800-799-SAFE (7233) I will pray for you

Answer 8

call SRS or something! you shouldn't have to deal with this. Absolutely no one deserves that. Now next time he beats hits you call the police and take him into court. put up a camera in your house and record it for proof. take pictures maybe. You need to do something! divorce him and move on or at least try. Okay this is what you do. If u have kids say ur going to the grocery store and leave all the way to a different state hurry try this plan if he does anything i mean anything to you call the police remember try to get away from him say ur going somewhere like ur mom's or something and leave tell your family members ahead of time so that they could meet up with you GOOD LUCK it better work or i'll go belistic try this please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and do an identity change ya know?

Answer 9

Skyler V, please report this to the police and find you a shelter. I know you are terrified of him but it's never going to get better until you get away. I have no respect for a man that does this kind of thing to a woman. He needs to be taken to court, sued for divorce and sent packing to the nearest prison! But you definetly have to take action because this is not a loving relationship and a very serious and dangerous situation to be in. If he comes near you again and tries to hurt you, pick something up a knock the hell out of him if necessary! But please get away from him and tell the police!

Answer 10

First,always make sure you've got a change of clothing and some money hidden in your vehicle,if you have one. Under or behind the seat. Make a emergency plan where to run to if you need to run,and then DO it. Do NOT tell him you're leaving,that's when you're in the MOST danger of being hurt. Here is the link to the National Domestic Hotline. Call the number,make sure he doesn't find it on the computer,or anywhere else,then follow their advice. http://www.ndvh.org/

Please be safe,he won't change,they never do,and God forbid,don't bring a child into it,that makes things even worse. I was married to two seperate men who beat the living hell out of me for nothing. I am finally free,nothing is worth living like that. If that's your picture,you're a beautiful young lady,and I am sure worthy of love. Don't listen to the bs they tell you,that you're ugly,unlovable,and nobody will ever want you,or love you like them. Good luck!!

Answer 11

There are domestic abuse shelters that will help you also i would contact the police i would get out of there before it is too late i was in a perdicament like this and it is very hard to leave and very scary also but no woman should have to go through the abuse of a man there are also support groups and if you have kids you really need to get them and you out of that situation it is not safe for anyone in the household really and he needs to be put in jail. Does he have any domestic abuse charges on his record next time he hits you go right to the cops as soon as u can i know that this can be hard but you need to do it and no matter how much you love him you need to get out of there please.