My husband wants to split up and wont talk to me. What do i do?

Question

We have been married for almost a year. Weve had our ups and downs but he went from being a sweet husband that came to my work yesterday and gave me a gift. To getting upset with me this morning cuz he woke me up to ask me a question that i was to tired to answer. He proceeded to throw water on me to wake me up and we ended in a small quarrell. Now he's not talking to me and telling our roomate he wants a divorce. But he still goes to the grocerie store and buys me a treat that i rarely get but love. BUT still wont talk to me. Im so confused as to whether he will come around in the next few days and do his usuall apology or that he's serious. What do i do?

Answer 1

He sounds rather immature and unpredictable. Has he always been this way? I expect that with the way his moods fluctuate his wanting to get divorced will change again tomorrow. You might want to seek a more permanent solution to your relationship woes, such as counseling.

Answer 2

This happens, especially in young marriages. It sounds like he's of mixed emotions right now -- sometimes he feels like he really loves you, other times he just gets very angry.

All I can say is that this isn't atypical. Good lord, I've been married 14 years, and your fight is NOTHING compared to some of the arguments my wife and I have had, especially early on.

Our relationship was not as stable as some are, but we simply went through some times where the other person was not meeting our needs and we were very angry and didn't understand what was happening. It took a lot of time to realize where we were at fault ourselves, and how we could change for the better.

Yeah, throwing water is immature. He needs to stop that, before it progresses to anything else -- he should get a grip of his anger and let it go, rather than harboring it.

You just need to sit down with him and ask him what's wrong. Say you're concerned because of how much he seems to care, while at the same time he's saying dumb things to the roommate.

(BTW, roommate? You two are married, and you have a roommate? Isn't that stressful? Do you guys get personal time alone? You've only been married a year, and usually people need to have that time alone with each other to get used to the change.)

If you are committed to him and love him, tell him so. Say you want to fix things, and you want to know that he's willing to listen to you and try as well.

Chances are it's just a fight that you need to ride out and work through. (Maybe not, but from what you said, it could simply be that.) Good luck. Just stay steady.

It's possible he also expects you to respond to his kindness in some way that you are not. Maybe this is unrealistic, maybe there's something you could do to acknowledge his efforts. You need to just play through it.

Answer 3

Firstly, ditch the roomate. I won't be moving in with my boyfriend until the roomate is gone, and I can't imagine a married couple enjoying the sanctity when another person is around. And it also sounds as if your husband is talking to the roomate instead of you, so basically, the sooner you get rid of that person, the better, then maybe your husband will come and talk it out with you instead. As to the water throwing thing, I'd be shutting that down straight away, that's not acceptable. Best of luck.

Answer 4

I've seen in your previous questions that you have a child and that your husband doesn't want to have sex with you unless it's just to please him.

I know from a guys point of view that it's over. I have even kept some of my old girlfriends around even though I didn't care about them just for the sake of avoiding a bad break-up.

Here's the thing though - I never abused these women physically like throwing water on them (and yes that is physical abuse). I also learned that stringing these girls along for my own purposes was both cowardly and cruel.

If he is talking to someone about a divorce then most likely he wants one but he's to much of a chickenS**T to tell you or he just likes the fact that he can somewhat control you.

You have a child, and that child is still young. For God's sake please don't subject your child to anymore of this behavior from either your husband or you. Remember it takes two to tango so if there is abusive behavior going on in the house (either mental or physical) and both people stay then it is both people's fault.

You can try counseling but if he doesn't agree or if it doesn't work then GET OUT and at least remove yourself and your child from the abuse. It will make you a stronger person and you and your child will benefit from that.

Answer 5

i think that you should sit down with him ALONE and talk to him about it and if he really wants a divorce then he never really loved you but still maybe he's just a little mad that you didn't Wake up and tell him that it bothered you that he woke you up so brutally just to ask you a question now depending on the question you can vary your response but give him a few days and then when you do talk to him make sure it's when he's ready for bed so his mind is on going to sleep so he'll do anything to go to sleep

Answer 6

Chy everybody falls out every now and then, When we do we sometimes talk about ending their relationship. But its all in the heat of the moment.

You guys are just having a bad moment right now it will be OK, Tonight once you throw that good loving on him. He will forget all about what the fight was about.

But I still have a problem with him throwing water on you. next he throws it you throw it back. don't let that one alone. next thing you know he will be throwing his fist up side your head.

Don't let him get away with that.

Answer 7

Sounds like he's fed up about an ongoing situation between you two. Best thing to do is start a conversation with him, and listen and dont change the subject, be upfront and ask for a reason for his sudden behavior. Better to know whats going on, than to wait for things to start happening around you.

Answer 8

He needs to stop playing games.

Marriage is forever, don't like, don't get married.

Doesn't he remember what the preacher said, all that stuff about caring for each other, through all the good and bad times.

Did he forget, did he lie.

You need to remind him of what he promised with the preacher.

Hopefully the preacher that married you, said all the good things that should have been said.

Answer 9

maybe you should apologise to him first, soemtimes that helps the other person get over their initial frustration, even if you feel like you didn't do anything wrong just tell him you are sorry, you were really tired and didn't realise he was asking you something very important. if he won't talk to you, write him a note, or get him something nice. tell him you love him and want him in your life. most likely he is just as confused as you are and if prodded just right, as you know how to do it, he will return to his normal self in no time. i'm in my first year of marriage too, and it sure does take getting used to!! good luck

Answer 10

You are being ABUSED. Any man that would throw water on a woman to wake her up because he is angry is ABUSIVE. You need to get a divorce NOW before there are any children and go and find yourself a REAL MAN to be with.