Can you suggest some tips on dividing up the duties in a marriage?

Question

I am looking for some tips on dividing up the duties in a marriage
when the husband works full time and provides all the finances and the wife has chosen to stay at home and be a full time mom.

Answer 1

Well, the stay-at-home parent (whether male or female) has more opportunity to do things such as clean, do dishes, mow the yard, pay the bills, and the like since the other person is away from home during the daytime hours.

Usually the stay-at-home parents does the food shopping as well, although there it can sometimes be difficult to shop when you have children who are mobile but still young enough they need lots of help and need naps.

Some of these items can be done in the evening, so they're not automatically the "stay at home" parent's job.

Ultimately it really depends on what you and your spouse are comfortable agreeing to. The only real problem is where one spouse feels they are carrying the burden of most of the work, while the other is not contributing as much. (Stereotypically, it's the stay-at-home mom feeling as if the husband is not contributing around the house, but that's not always the case.)

One thing to remember is that, while the stay-at-home parent is at home, this doesn't mean they are not working. They often put in a full day of home maintenance and parenting, while the other spouse works a full day at the office, so the office spouse should accept that BOTH of them (to be fair) will need to do some of the work in the evening. Both have put in full days already.

Sometimes one spouse will cook the meal, while the other will do the dishes that night. One spouse will do the laundry, the other will fold it when it's washed.

Usually it's good to go with temperament as well. For example, if one spouse is organized and good with math, it makes sense for them to do the bills rather than forcing the other one to struggle.

In the end, it comes down to whatever arrangement they agree to... but again, I would emphasize that just because one spouse is at home and the other is at work, it doesn't mean the spouse at home has it easier. Evening duties and weekend duties should still be split fairly.

Um... and thanking the other person sincerely for their work in the home (either spouse) always helps a great deal. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and sometimes that's enough to remove the frustration.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

My fiance works at a farm full time (10-16 hours a day, 6-7 days a week). I stay at home (at least I do now). When I worked just as many hours as he did, we shared the 'chores.' If he used dishes, he rinsed them and put them in the diswasher. I would usually get it started and he would unload it. Now that we have a 19 year old here, he helps with stuff. Anyway, I had my fiance doing anything I would do. Now that I am not working, I do all but the yard work (our yard has too many holes and dips in it for me to mow it and the mower is pretty touchy and doesn't like to start easily) and he takes the trash out to the curb on trash day. I now take care of the dishes (the 19 year old unloads the dishwahser), I take care of the bathrooms, cats/cat boxes, mopping, vacuuming, dumping the garbage, laundry, sweeping, cooking when it's not too hot, we have the food, and I am up to it (he knows I don't like to cook even though I am awesome at it), and shop for the food and other things. The 19 year old helps when I get after him to (he is pretty spoiled), so I don't have to do all of it on my own (he doesn't work either, so he can help more now than he did when he did work).

Since you have decided to stay at home, I would say that you do the majority of the work at home. Since he does live there, he should help out with some things, tho. I would make sure that he does the lawn mowing, taking care of his own dishes, etc. And, depending on the ages of your kids, they can help too. If they are about 2 or 3, they can start with small things (making their beds, though it won't be perfect; cleaning their rooms, though it won't be perfect; etc.). The older they are, the more they can help with.

I have a friend that was a stay at home mom for nearly 20 years. She did everything inside and outside the house. When her husband got home, he also helped outside and actually enjoyed doing that rather than doing things inside.

I would say that if your husband works 40 hours a week, then you should do that too. Even though you don't get paid, you have the harder job because your job never ends--his stops once he leaves the office (or whatever). He can help with the kids once in awhile so you can get a break (or else you will end up pulling your hair out) and so he can have a close relationship with them.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

When my husband worked outside the home and my job was homemaker I did everything inside the house. If I was sick he always pitched in but I accepted the home as my job. He did the yards (I still helped on that cause I enjoyed it) and I cleaned the house and cooked. He liked to cook so weekends he made breakfast or grilled out. We have always been a great team. We both work full time now, kids are gone, so we clean together and yard work together. He cooks better so he does most of that. But I clean up the kitchen. Seems like we both were always thinking of ways to help or do something for each other. Guess it worked. We celebrate our 35th this year.

Answer 5

i have this same problem, my husband doens't want to do any chores at home or even spend time with the baby, because he vrings in the bacon. he'd rather play with the dogs and leave a trail of garbage which i have to clean up.. anyway, a an may work 8 hours in the office , which is tough enough, understandiby, everyone knows it's not a piece of cake. but a wife/mom works 24 hours a day! she does the job of a nurse, driver, cleaning lady, laundromat - wash dry , iron, fold, pack way, cook, general fix-it person, gardener, etc! no one pays her! no one would ever dream of doing that! so give her a break, even if you come home tired, she is probably WAY more tired that you are. it looks easy staying home with the kids, but believe me it is NOT!!! so help her whenever you can, herever yu see she needs help! marriage is about each partner giving 100% of him/herself, not 50-50 like most people see it. do whatever you like doing, or don't mind so much. if you hate to iron, but don't mind putting the dishes in the dishwasher, then put the dishes in. if you don't mind washing the car but hate doing the grocery shopping, then wash the car. whatever you will not blow a fuse doing, just do it! your wife will love you more and more and you'll see a drastic improvement in your love life too! lol :P

ps i totally agree with fortunado's response!

Answer 6

you appreciate, dont you, that just because she decided to stay home and put family first, does not mean that her job is easier than yours, or less demanding? having said that, maybe the husband can take care of the garbage and the lawn and tuning up the cars, maintaining the garage, clearing the tables after dinner, putting the kids to bed? the latter would be a way to spend quality time with the kids? as to the wife, well, she has to clean the house, tend to the screaming kids, cook, do laundry, and at the end of the day, still be pleasant and attend to you.

Answer 7

well if dads job gets to stop at a cetain time then so should moms.yes mom is home the whole time but she isnt just sitting on her azz doing nothing, this is what i do at my house, we both share the duties in the house, although iwork too but not as long as he does, we still divide the chores and dinner time cookings. this is a family not a single house hold, the famiy needs to get involved and help out too to make everyone happy and everyone relaxing at the same time. my hubby makes dinner i will wash dishes, or vice versa. you should do the shopping have the kids put away the food, have the kids help too, this is there family too you know. make everyone help, even friendsthat come over. i make my kids friends help my kids put out the trash or clean the living room, thier friends come to the house and hang out so they should help too, why not??? this will make your load easier too, you also needs break too not jusyt on mothers day, right? i needed help so i asked for it,but before i did i hought i could do everyhitn, i couldnt, it took me going to the hospital for dehydration, they started to help me because they care and knew i was doing too much, get help now.

Answer 8

If you work full-time and provide all the income and she has no outside job and provides no income, your only "housework" duties during the week should be to put your own dirty clothes in the laundry and your own dishes into the dishwasher. On the weekends, you should share 50-50.
But spending time with the children is NOT housework, and he should do that happily while they are awake.

Answer 9

Well I work 40 hrs + a week, my husband works 40. I do it all from the cleaning, cooking, laundry and caring and maintaining of the 3 acre yard we have.. So.. I cannot truthfully answer this one.

Answer 10

Do like your boss does. Give her 40 hours of stuff to do.