In a poem, is it okay to take this much liberty with rhyme & meter?

Question

Parting

I recall our afternoon on the blue boat.
Glints from the waves reddened your hair;
A cobalt storm was ahead. I put my coat
Over your shoulders, and my arm along your chair.
They brought oysters and two chablis
And we laughed happily, watching the skilled steward
Opening shells with his figured kris,
Casting the debris leeward,
Plunging the meats into lemon and red sauce
And handing them to us.
With a ritual toss
Of detritus
Into the sea.

In the evening we sat quietly in the dining room
And afterward walked on the high terrace above the water;
Quiet in the lavender gloom,
Listening to distant laughter,
Watching lights on eelers’ dorys,
Marking their places near shore.
You said, “They are closing the courses
Tomorrow,” and it was the door
Closing on my hopes that I heard
In the one word, “tomorrow,”
I was not prepared for.

Answer 1

Of course, that's why they call it "poetic license"

Answer 2

Poetry is in the eye of the writer, and sometimes the beholder. Meaning, poetry is anything you want it to be, your thoughts feelings and emotions. It can rhyme, and often it does not rhyme. However if you are concerned about rhyme and meter, then be aware of how you start your poem and then try to maintain that flow through out. Ultimately if it feels right to you, then its ok.
Now if you would like to learn more about formal structure and meter and style, you may want to check out an on-line poetry class at Ed2go.com, through Rio Hondo Community College. It is very informative.

Answer 3

When a poem has rhymes that are not exact, it is called slant-rhyme. It has a chiming quality, but does not hit the reader on the head, saying I am a rhyme. This poem is effective in its rhyming and in the rhythms that carry it forward. It combines elements of rhyming verse with free verse in that it has variable line lengths. Nowadays, poets take a lot of liberty with form, word choice, rhyme, meter, etc.

Answer 4

Personally, I like poems that rhyme. Poems with structure and a melodic tempo (typically due to a similarity in the use of the same number of syllables per line) strike a cord with me. Your poem is just fine. You clearly put a lot of time and thought into it.

Answer 5

You are not dealing with rhyme and meter, you are writing what's called Free Verse poetry. There are no rules with Free Verse, either structurally, or rhythmically. See Charles Bukowski, one of the most widely read Free Verse poets that ever lived. Or perhaps, Lawrence Ferlinghetti.

Answer 6

I believe a poem is a composition with very little structure...if you would like you can put as much rhyming as you like but in the end it's your poem.

Answer 7

you write what you feel inside at that moment in time. poetry does not have to be rigid or even rhyme. I have written some really wicked-twisted poems in my time and the same goes with my son's work. Your poem is great!!!!

Answer 8

You have a Hanging Participle in your first line.
Great poem. Enjoyed it three times.

Answer 9

Of course it is, your rhymes and your rhythms are what I'd call "stream of consciousness" technique. Check out the
greatest master of this form who ever lived, order yourself a copy of Anais Nin's "House of Incest." It will forever blow your pretty mind. Thanks for sharing your delightful proetry. Sincerely, UCSteve.

Answer 10

ABSOLUTELY! Poems are the subtle glimpses into our worlds, there is no absolute right or wrong. You go on and write it!

Answer 11

Wow, DEEP, I LOVE IT!!! Publish it put in a book & tell me I would by it in a heartbeat!!