of wife and in-laws?

Question

i'm all abt good relations btn spouses n in-laws. but my wife has totally put me aside and sides w/ my sister and vice versa. i feel like an outcast. the other day, she wrecked my car and calls my sister 1st and comes to me two days later. is this normal?

Answer 1

Absolutely not and you have every reason to be concerned and hurt by your wifes behavior. A marriage is a union between two seperate individuals who are suppose to be patners, friends, lovers and companions who consistantly place each other first in life. By placing her friendship with your sister, or any friend for that matter, before her friendship with you she is stepping outside what is her responsibility to the marriage union. As long as you are holding up your end of the deal by being emotionally available for her and also placing her first in your life as you should, then your wife should not be turning to someone outside her marriage before she turns to her spouse. However, if you are not holding up you end, then you both have a serious problem with not only understanding how marriage works, but lack basic skills needed to keep a union together and sustainable over a long term period.

Marriage is two individuals who have agreed to join together as a union in which you both place the other first in each ohters lives and meet each others needs, what ever they may be. A marriage is actually an entity all of its own with a life and needs of its own. It is not sustainable, will die, if not nurtured and cared for properly. The major problem many face when they marry is a lack of understanding of what a marriage truly is and what each is responsible for. First of all it is not two seperate people living together attempting to meet their own individual needs. It is two individuals who have joined to create an entity of one in which both are consistantly placinting the needs of the other as upmost importance and striving daily to meet the others needs. This is a selfless love in which two can wholey be unique and themselves without fear of rejection. They each are loved for their postive qualities and in spite of the negitive ones. When we do this we create a haven of safety, of security from the outside world in which each is safe with the other. When one has a problem, the marriage has a problem and there for it is a problem of both members, not just one member. If one is troubled the marriage is troubled and so both are troubled. It should be a situation where each wish to meet their partners needs, not a feeling of obligation or duty. An honor to be so loved we just are moved to wish the happiness of the one who loves us. Selfishness and competiveness have no place in a marriage. It is a team, a partnership of deep and abiding commitment to the welfare of the other. We wish to see the other happy, healthy and fullfilled and it is our desire to be the one to see that our partner has those needs and all others met. We do not feel comfortable with any other meeting those needs.

There is not any room in a relationship such as marriage for any others to be placed above our partners. It should feel uncomfortabe to see another meeting our spouses needs, regardless of who that person is. You wife has allowed your sister to take a role in her life which is not your sisters to take. There is plenty of room for friendships within a marriage, but not for a friendship to be placed before the spouse. This is looking outside the marriage for fullfillment without allowing the spouse to meet those needs. There is never any way to fix problems within a marriage by looking outside the marriage. When partners begin looking outside the marriage is in serious trouble, as the partner looking outside is not allowing the spouse to work on an issue. It is locking the other outside and not allowing them inside where they rightfully belong.

It is right you feel uncomfortable with this situation. It is not one which you should be comfortable with. It is good your spouse is friends with your sister as good family relationships are important. However, it is not good for a marriage when we allow an outside relationship to take the place of what posistion our spouse should hold. We must always look to our spouse first in getting our needs met, allow our spouse to meet those needs, explain those needs if our spouse does not seem to understand what we need. However, when two are consistantly placing the other first, wishing each others happiness above our own, we get to know our spouses so well we just know what they need often before they even know they have a need. We just so want their happiness. When both are doing this both get their needs met and have a safe place full of love and acceptance, a harbor from the world.

I would talk with my spouse and tell him how I felt about the situation. I would explain who marriage works and that it is important for me to be able to have the ability to meet his needs before another. If this did not work I would suggest counseling. If this did not work I would realize I had probably made a serious mistake in my choice of husbands, had somehow gotten somebody who is imature, or selfish, or has less love and respect for me than I initially thought, or all of the above and seriously consider making a break and trying to get it right the next time.

It is important to know how to be married. It is important to really know who we marry. So many rush into marriages these days, and find they did not know the person at all and wind up divorced. The children of these unions are the most devestated. The best gift we can give our children is a happy, healthy and strong marriage union. So many think the kids need to be placed first, try to do so and wind up forgetting about the needs of the spouse or even their own needs. It is very important to put the marriage first and the kids second. That is the way it should be.

Talk with your spouse and work through this. Explain you need to meet her needs, to be the one she turns to. Then make sure you do meet her need and are available when she does turn to you. Blessed Be.

Answer 2

No, it's not normal - your wife should be talking to you about things first - you are her husband. It's good that your wife is good friends with your sister, but their relationship shouldn't supercede your marriage.
When your wife wrecked the car she should have called you first and talked to you - then if she felt it necessary should have called your sister. Just talk to her about how you feel and that you need her to be on your side and also you need her to be talking you first about things and your sister second.

Answer 3

And where were you for two days. Did you not notice something wrong with the car before hand,like a dent.

Answer 4

Face it buddy, those women are closer than some sisters are and are sticking together. It could be worse, they could hate each other and put you right in the middle of things.

Answer 5

depends...do you mean normal for a woman to wreck a car? YES! normal for her not to tell you for 2 days - NO! Seems like maybe you aren't her best friend???

Answer 6

I had an affair for 6 months before i told MY spouse.....

Answer 7

Are you a good husband? Is she scared of you? does she even like you?